He moves in next weekend, and I have my figures crossed that he doesn’t change the sense of our house too much. It is so hard to find affordable, safe housing in DC and even harder to find a roommates who mesh with your lifestyle or at least are respectful and responsible. I want my house to be a home but also a sanctuary.
Over the weekend, I plan on spending some quality time in my home-sanctuary. I want to dig up my novel draft and figure out how I want to proceed. I also plan on spending some quality time with friends, talking about life and love. I can never get enough girl talk.
Happy weekend, everyone!
The good thing is that I'm learning a lot and witnessing some great developments on the Hill. I feel so fortunate to be where I am and that keeps me humble and motivated to give my all everyday regardless of how annoying or tedious or overwhelming my tasks can be. Most of the time I feel like I'm running a marathon or barely keeping my head above the water. There is just so much to be done and I can only imagine that the big wigs are feeling it so much worse.
I hope that I can be productive during the break and take care of my backlog so that I'm ready for the big push in July. There is so much to achieve this year and we are starting to run out of time.
To all the Hill staffers (and lobbyists) out there, hang on. Recess is near and glorious August is on the way.
One of the most memorable passages from a book I finished reading last week spoke to my current romantic reality. I'm sure that it will mean nothing to one who doesn't know the context of it but whatever. It is taken from the Dirty Girls Social Club by Alisa Valdes-Rodriquez. It is a book recommended by a friend that I truly enjoyed.
The narrator is talking about her ex-fiance, Ed, who she found in bed with another woman. My situation isn't as extreme but the sentiment is shared.
"I mean, why cry if you're ridding yourself of a drunk, ugly Texican like Ed before you've actually gotten hitched to him? For the same reason Cuban exiles talk about Cuba all the time. The Cuba they left doesn't exist anymore. You cry because you mourn the dream, not the real place or person. The loss of the person you thought he was, not the one he is. There is no Santa Claus. There is no Ed in my future, teaching our son to put the hose away."
This book has reminded me that I need to write again. As the end of Mr. Rebound two summers ago inspired my first attempt at creative writing, the demise of me and Floyd is bringing on a need to express myself through words. Apparently, writing is my choice creative outlet.
And I can tell you I need an outlet right now. I'd rather it be at the gym or writing than chasing a "Jim" (Beam or a Mr. Right Now). Which reminds me that I need to join a gym soon. I need to work on my mind, body and soul and leave romantic love for some other time.
I am doing fine. I was obviously very emotional on Sunday and Monday, but now I am doing better. I am in the same state I was before Floyd visited, but now the reality that there is no us is a bit more vivid in my mind, which is good. The perk is that now whenever I think about him or am tempted to contact him, I remember the revelation he shared on Sunday. He is ready to date again, specifically a woman who lives in Fairfax. That keeps me from fantasizing about how I can get him back and reminds me that I can’t be his friend (someone who’s happy that he’s found someone new) until I get over him. He won the “breakup contest” and that adds a wound to my vanity as well as my heart. I need to start healing both now.
This is my last post about Floyd. There is nothing else to write about that I haven’t already shared. And he’s no longer in my life. Hopefully, one day we’ll be friends and he will read my blog again (with my blessing) and I will write about how great of friends we are. But until then, there is no need.
Instead, I want to write about the awesomeness of my work and social lives---things are really good. It’s crazy that as soon as I start excelling and find peace in the other parts of my life, my love life falls apart.
I look forward to when I can finally write about a happy and exciting dating/love life. I must admit that Organica’s excitement about being young and single is intoxicating. She is right that the time to get out, explore and have fun is now. I don’t want to regret not living it up more in my twenties. Now without Floyd, I have the ability to do whatever I want without having to worry about what Floyd would say or what it means in terms of a relationship with him. I can date/love/fool around with anyone. I can pack up and move across the country or world whenever I want. It is scary but exhilarating to be so free.
I think Organica’s youthful optimism about love and boys is just the perspective I need to hear this summer, as I work to finally move on and reestablish myself as Hippo + none.
Floyd is in town and I saw him yesterday evening. What a way to end such a beautiful day. Speaking with him on my stoop then politely asking him to leave.
My lesson was that I still have deep feelings for him and cannot be his friend until that fades. First, I need to face our reality and stop mourning what was or what never was--mainly how things were at the beginning. So hopeful and fresh. I was so young and so in love, as was he. Now, I'm older, wiser and I realize how different we are. All those things I decided to overlook at 19, 23 and 25, turn out to be essential now that I'm 29 and know, more or less, who I am and what I want.
So the weekend ended in tears and this morning began with tears, but no more. I've done this before and I can do it again.
I sucks to lose a best friend but it sucks even more to have a friend whose presence hurts. It sucks to end a relationship but it would be worse to prolong 9 years of limbo any further. I hate the maybes and the fantasies that lurk in my head. I live in a Disney fairtale, romance novel fantasyland most of the life--another lesson and another thing I must change. I strongly doubt that we have a future together beyond a friendship, if that.
It's a lot to digest and discard but for my own sanity, I have to finally say, for now and the foreseeable future, goodbye Floyd. It was real and now it's done.
The build-up to the dtv switch has been a long time coming. I've not only had to hear about it as a rabbit ears afficianado, but also because it has been a big issue at work.
My tv signal is so clear now! It is amazing. I love the channel guide and bonus network weather and pbs channels--it means more masterpiece, lydia and sandra brown reruns! I hope that I'll get a better telemundo reception soon cause you know how much I like telenovelas.
It doesn't hurt that it only cost me less than $13 with a government coupon to get more and clearer channels. I refuse to ever pay for cable (except when forced by roommates, of course) so I'll be sporting this converter box until my old tv dies or I'm forced to upgrade again.
Good luck to all the other rabbit ear folks out there. I hope the switch was just as painless for you!
I've only been in my place for a month, and we're already looking for a new roommate. I wish I was told about this possibility before I moved in but I don't think it would have changed my feelings about the place. My roommate is moving out after living in the house for four years. It means a lot that she didn't want to leave unless she found an amazing new place to share with her boyfriend. In fact, she's been postponing moving-in with him until they found a place that would top our current house.
My house has character. I guess that means it is in need of an update. The floors and doors squeak and the windows are drafty. But I love it. We have a front porch and a newly created backyard garden. There are alley cats that visit and lots of neighbors who pass by every day
walking their dogs. It's quiet yet I know I'm just a few blocks from the madness of 14th and Irving. I hope that I can find a house just like it in DC when the time comes for me to buy.
I am really nervous about getting a new roommate. The balance in the house now is so perfect. Both of my roommates have boyfriends that spend the night frequently, but I never feel like I'm living with four people. The bonus is when my roommates spend the night or weekend at their boyfriends' place and I get the house myself. We are also all very active. On the rare day that we are home at the same time, I'll be on the front porch reading, one roommate will be gardening in the back and the other roommate will be reading in her room.
We haven't shared a meal or outing since I arrived. But I'm okay with that. I think group dinners are nice but I am just as happy eating alone on the front porch. I do want friendly, respectful roommates. I don't want (or need) a roommate-friend.
So we've posted our ad and we've receive a few promising replies so far. I hope that we'll find a least one special guy or girl who can fill the shoes of our departing roommate and most importantly, mesh well with our lifestyles.
Tonight, I decided to take the long way back home from the Hill. The weather is just so nice and I'm wearing the perfect sun dress.
I realized how much I love and miss the sensation of the gravel crunching under my sandals. I haven't walked along the Mall in months and I haven't been to the Lincoln Memorial in years, probably not since I lived in Foggy Bottom. Tonight, I made a promise to myself to walk the Mall at least once this week after work to de-stress and to check out the Lincoln Memorial before the month is over.
The other thing that I learned new tonight is that there is tango in the square every Sunday evening (forgot it's name...Lafayette Square? It's across from the National Theatre). I just happened to notice at least 40 couples dancing with just as many watching. It was beautiful and sensual--magical in the twilight and with the Capitol looming in the background down Penn.
I wish I knew how tango. I need to pick up a hobby and volunteer again. Those are the two things missing in my otherwise full and fulfilling life. It's something for me to work on this summer.
On a side note, I've given up my crush. It's unhealthy and immature to live in fantasy land. If I'm not going to pursue him, I need to give up the distraction. I'm not in junior high anymore. So please disregard the musings of my last post. I need to move on and grow up.
I am normally so prepared for whatever comes my way at work so I have to blame it on the fact that it is the first week back from recess. Recess is an illusion as there is always a pile of work to do. But returning to the reality of this "Do Something" Congress has given me quite a shock this week. I can't wait for the weekend to catch my breath and to get mentality prepared for a packed June.
On a side note, I ran into my crush. It was the non-work, bright spot of my day (besides seeing Organica). Unfortunately, I didn't really have time to connect and chat but I am hopeful that I'll get another chance at this weekend's bbq. Last week, our mutual friend gave me a green light in terms of my crush being a good guy and not being a player. The fact that my friend, who I trust, didn't warn me or discourage me gives me new hope and a reason to reconsider pursuing him. I have nothing to lose and no other cutie to distract me, so why not?
Given the crazy downpour post-work on Friday, I was seriously debating blowing off this outing. But I am so glad I went because I had a blast. I was greeted by pitchers of delicious sangria and a huge, steaming container of free paella. It wasn’t the best paella I ever had but it was helpful in lining my stomach for the 5-6 glasses of sangria I gulped down that evening. The pitchers just kept coming and I kept drinking. I will be back.
This place was a treat. Sure, it is a sports bar with tons of flat screen TVs. But the tap selection is solid and the food is great. I love it when I can get Woodchuck cider on draft—-it’s always my go-to drink on a lazy night out. Make it Strongbow on tap (does it exists in DC?) and I’m in heaven. The highlight of the night was the California burger I ordered. I wasn’t even that hungry but as soon as I saw the glistening bun and side of crispy tater tots, I knew it was going to be a gluttonous night. The California burger includes cheese, bacon, avocado, and crab. Yes, crab on a burger. It was an odd choice that was amazingly good. As a bonus, there was a fair amount of guys at the bar—-watching the finals. So, it would be a good spot to revisit, armed with a wing woman or two.