Hippo Crusades

Au Revoir

2011-08-17T11:53:00.007-05:00

So here is my prerequisite farewell post.

In less than two weeks, I ship off to begin a 10-month adventure in France. I am delighted that all my preparation during the past year (and even before that) is finally paying off and that I’ll be able to check off one of the top things on my bucket list: “living abroad.” There are so many things that I want to experience while I’m in France, and of course, I am very hopeful that my time away will be extended.

I’m saying goodbye to this blog because I’m leaving DC; but also because I’m at a different place in my life.

I started this blog after my ex, Floyd, moved back home. And I end this blog — five years later — knowing that I have successfully released myself from that period of my life. As reflected in the changes in the content and frequency of my posts over the years, I’ve slowly started to lead a full and fulfilled life. During the past few years, I have “come into my own” as a career woman, as a single girl, as a daughter, as a friend, and as a human being. I know that my journey is far from over, but I feel that the past 30 years of my life were full of much laughter and that the tears were always, eventually, dried by greater knowledge and understanding of the world and my true self.

I enjoy blogging. It is a great form of expression and I know that it (along with old-fashioned journaling...) has helped me get through a lot of the struggles of my late-20s. Yet, I haven’t decided if I will start a new blog in France. I’m hoping that I won’t have enough free time to maintain one. But I also know that there are more than enough expat blogs out there to keep folks entertained regarding the minutiae of living in another country and culture.

So thank you, my “devoted fans” (i.e., my friends) and also the random visitors who’ve stopped by.

Au revoir. Bon courage.

Destination: Poitiers, France

2011-06-01T16:53:00.007-05:00

May was a good month. I obsessed over the opening of PAUL USA in DC, celebrated my 30th birthday surrounded by friends, and took the perfect trip to France with my mother.

I am happy to report that I am still an ardent francophile. I was so worried that my trip off the beaten track would reveal a shallow schoolgirl crush on France. To my relief, I fell in love with my future hometown, Poitiers.

Poitiers is simply the perfect place for my French language immersion. It's relatively small and compact, with lots of students which gives it great energy. And it is beautiful. Lots of cute, narrow streets, lovely churches, and historic architecture. There are great parks and a river, and it's ideally situated between Paris and Bordeaux---with the Atlantic Ocean (La Rochelle) a short TGV ride away.

The main campus of the university is on the outskirts, about a 10-15 minute bus ride from centre ville. I am hoping to score university housing in a dormitory to save cash (yes, it's time for me to dig out my shower shoes and robe...).

I was blown away by how nice, open, and welcoming everyone was. I feel so fortunate to have been able to make connections before I arrive. During my trip, I had lunch with a girl who will be my language exchange partner, met a guy who is active in Poitiers’ green scene, and spent many, many hours with my Couchsurfing savior who made most of my Poitevin introductions possible (he held a dinner party at his house for every night I was there). And I can't forget the awesome German girl I met who will most likely be my first visitor in September.

Before I left, I paid my deposit for the university program and even got my first taste of the French administrative thought-process (a.k.a., bureaucracy).

I know that many challenges await me this fall and spring. But I am looking forward to tackling them all with patience, love, and humor.

I am over the moon with excitement about all that awaits me in France. I have a little under 3 months until my departure date (late August). Of course, I am anxious to leave for France, like right now. But I know that I will appreciate having three more paychecks in my bank account when the time comes to backpack across the EU or perhaps, enroll in a second year of study...

There is so much for me to do before I leave: visa appointment, possession purge, training my work replacement, and of course, making lots of final memories with my beloved friends in DC.

Bon Voyage

2011-05-13T12:01:00.002-05:00

In about 9 hours, I depart for France. I am unbelievably excited about being in la belle France again. And I am even more excited to be able to share with my mother my first visit to Poitiers. It will be a different experience of France than on our last visit together over 4 years ago.

I have a bunch of fun things planned for the few days we spend in Paris: brunch along the Canal Saint-Martin, la nuit des musees at the Louvre, and a watercoloring session at the Jardin du Luxembourg.

But the real fun awaits us in Poitiers. I have 3 rdv scheduled with local folks: a Frenchman (who may not speak English…), an American woman, and a Taiwanese woman (who is taking a career break to study French, like me). And I’ll be visiting the university campus and language program. I had intended to get a lot done during this trip (opening a bank account, getting a cell phone, securing housing leads, etc), but now it seems that it will be a trip focused on simply getting to know the city. And that is fine with me. I can’t wait to get a sense of Poitiers, its rhythm, its layout, the beautiful parks, and even all the grimy, hideous parts.

When I return, I’ll have about three weeks to finalize my paperwork before my visa appointment with the French Consulate. I am crazy-worried about getting my visa application ready as I still haven’t figured out my housing situation. Even though I’m a bit old, I am interested in finding a homestay/au pair situation since it would give me an intimate window into French family/home life. At the same time, living alone or with roommates would be better for my social life and for hosting friends and family. I’ll have to figure this all out soon…

So all is well. My 30th year is truly off to a good start. I spent the last hours of my 20s and the first hours of my 30s surrounded by amazing friends, and I’m still on track for France. And for that I am thankful.

April Update

2011-04-28T11:10:00.004-05:00

April has been a good month. Here are a few details of what’s on my plate these days:

France

I continue to gear up for my birthday trip to France in May and my “career break” in France this fall. At the beginning of the month, I received the disappointing news that I was not selected for TAPIF (the embassy program to teach English in France). So, I’ve moved on to what feels like “plan z” – applying to study French at the University of Poitiers.

I am happy that I can now focus my energy into researching one program and one city. And I am even a bit relieved that I will be going as an independent student. I will have so much freedom in terms of housing, extracurricular activities, and my length of my stay—that I would not have had with a structured program. And yet, I am envious of university study abroad students and the folks who were selected for TAPIF who will have the ready-made safety net and social circle provided by going through a program. So, I’ve started to activate my network and seek connections with people in Poitiers to get advice and tips to make my transition as smooth as possible.

I have become a little obsessed with spending every bit of my free time studying French and researching all the things I need to do before I depart, like obtain a visa and securing housing. Even though a stack of paperwork and chores await me this summer, I must commit myself to taking time out to enjoy another summer in DC with my friends--because if I get what my heart truly desires, I won't be back next year.

My journey to chase my dreams is definitely tinged with anxiety about the unknowns (and the red tape!) that await me in France. And yet, I know that it will be all worthwhile once I am settled in Poitiers, celebrating the minutiae of life. I am feeling anxiety, for sure; but also, an abundance of glee.

PAUL

As a side note, PAUL is opening up a location in DC (http://www.paulusa.com/) . I fell in love with PAUL’s sandwich chaud saucisse last August. My two travel partners can attest that it is simply heaven… I actually went by on Monday to ask about a part time job – though I’ve been stalking the location ever since I heard about it last fall. I didn’t know it at the time, but I met the PAUL USA CEO (former President of Starbucks France…). He was super-nice and helpful, and encouraged me to come back and chat with the manager. Even if they don’t hire me, you better believe that I’ll be there on opening day to sample everything in sight.

Mon Anniversaire

One week until my 30th birthday. I feel ready for 30. My twenties were awesome, crazy, fulfilling, annoying, and at times, a little intense. Given that I’ve chosen to kick off my 30s following my dreams in France, I am certain that my 30s will truly rock.

March Update

2011-03-30T13:48:00.002-05:00

Another month is coming to a close. My slow march to La Belle France continues and I am thankful that I still haven’t encountered any curveballs along the way (knock on wood…).

I continue to have a few lingering doubts about my decision. I know that it is the right choice in my heart. But I worry that it isn’t the best or most rational choice for my overall, long-term wellbeing.

Going to live in Latin America to learn Spanish would be more practical career wise. Reapplying to Peace Corps would be less selfish. Choosing a country that is less expensive or living in France for only a month would make more financial sense. Using my savings as they were intended – to buy a home and officially settle down in DC after 11.5 years – would make me feel less transient and more like a responsible adult.

Yet, as I talk to more and more “established” people, I am getting the reassurance that I need. For example, my new mentor loves the idea of my “academic vacation” and has silenced many of my career worries (and even offered me a job for when I return). And my mother, after a 2-week educational tour of Ghana, is even more enthusiastic about my plan for France. I think she finally understands my desire to challenge myself and immerse myself in another country and culture. Amazingly, I think she is considering a similar experience for herself through the programs at her church.

I have worked hard and sacrificed a lot (but perhaps not enough in the grand scheme of things…) during my twenties to save and invest and plan for a future when I’d be able to follow my dreams. Now, it is almost time to cash in. There is anxiety for sure, but most of all, there is satisfaction and glee.

February Update

2011-02-28T23:05:00.002-05:00

Hmm… I just came by to quickly reply to a comment left by Organica (from Vietnam!!) and decided to type up a little update for the blogosphere.

All is well. Work is work. Life is good. My social scene has begun to perk up with the impeding spring. France as my destination of choice was made official in January. I am just waiting to find out if I’ll be in France as a teacher of English (TAPIF) or a student of French. I’ll know my fate sometime in April. And at that point, I’ll have to start organizing for my departure in earnest.

I booked two tickets for France in mid-May. It is basically a trial-run trip with my mother. I want to make some face-to-face connections with folks in the country in hopes that it will make my transition less overwhelming. If I don’t get the teaching gig, the trip will center on a visit to Poitiers, the location of my top choice language program.

I really hope that I am accepted into TAPIF. It would be great to be a part of an actual program. I’d get a paycheck and have health care setup for me. Though I know that I’ll face drama regardless as a foreigner, there would be a few less hassles under TAPIF than as an independent, adult student. And yet, I’ll have more freedom as an independent language student...

For whatever reason, I’ve decided to give my heart to France. I hope that she’ll be kind.

So, yes, all is well. I’m still on track.

The End of the Road

2011-01-31T22:07:00.003-05:00

Wow, I think this is the longest that I have ever gone without posting on this blog. I can tell you that things continue to go well in my life (thankfully) and that I'm still on-track with my plan to be living in Europe before the end of the year. I doubt that this blog with come with me. And I must admit that I don't have the pull to publish as I once did. Instead, I'd rather write in my journal or chat with a friend.

I'm definitely not the first person to disappear from the blogosphere. Nor will I be the last. It has been a fun, worthwhile experience but I sense that I'm getting toward the end of my short stint as a blogger.

So that is all for now. I just wanted to post before the end of the month and let it be known that I'm still here. I will definitely craft some final post, when the time is right. Until then, expect haphazard posts on France and how I'm trying to make my last few months in DC truly memorable.

2010-12-30T15:29:00.002-05:00

Here is my obligatory end of the year post. I gleefully say goodbye to 2010. It has been an awesome year and I can only hope that 2011 is even better.

2011 is the year of Hippo Q. in Europe!! I don’t want to get my hopes up too high as it is quite possible that I end up still in DC next year. But my mentality during the upcoming months is that of a person who will be living out of her suitcase and frugally spending her euros this time next year.

2011 is the year that I’ll turn 30. I have no idea where the last 30 years have gone, but I can say that I’m feeling good. My twenties were such a crazy time of self-doubt, low self-esteem, longing, naivety, uncertainty, etc. For sure, I can’t say that I’ve figured everything out already, but I definitely feel that I’m about to start a new chapter of my life (my 30s) in a better place—though with declining eyesight, achy knees and hips, and fine lines.

My main resolution for 2011 has been reiterated numerous times on this blog. I want to live/work/study in Europe starting next fall. And I am determined to achieve that resolution. The rest of my resolutions/plans are related.

Soak-up my last few months of ulcer-inducing Hill life. I am looking forward to the new Congress. There have been so many changes on the Hill and I can’t wait to dig in and fight against the craziness that will come from the other side.
Enjoy my last few months in DC. There are so many things that I haven’t done in DC. I want to check out TR Island, the National Cathedral, and the National Arboretum. In reality, I just want to spend time with my friends. DC is such a transient city and I’ve watch so many of my friends leave. I never imagined that I would depart DC as well.
Intense language/culture studies. This will be postponed until I know if I’ll need to focus on Germany or France. I am excited about the possibility of living in either (or both) country. My fingers are crossed that it all works out. I’ll have a decision by February.
Reduce the clutter. I’ve already made some progress in this. A friend is coming over to take a few things this weekend, and I hope to start asking around if there are any new arrivals to DC who might appreciate free/cheap stuff. And from there, it is all about Craigslist and the Salvation Army. Whatever is left will just be donated to my shared house.
Go on some dates! Since my Europe epiphany in August, I have been reluctant to consider going out on dates. But I don’t see anything wrong with a little bit of DC fun this spring before I ship off. And yes, I said this spring. I honestly don’t leave my house in the winter. It will be perfect practice (and help me lose a bit of the desperation vibe) for when I meet the cliché EU lover.
Cut my hair. Sometime before I depart. I will cut my hair down to my 100% natural hair. My hair hasn’t grown out enough to do the cut now but I’m thinking that I’ll have enough length (and nerve) by the summertime.

Best wishes to everyone for an amazing 2011!

Possession Anxiety

2010-12-19T21:57:00.004-05:00

My excitement about next year has started to morph into anxiety. There is so much that I need to do to prepare. Foremost, I must reduce my possessions to only the essentials that can easily fit into two large duffel bags (is that wise or even possible?). Everything else will be sold or given away to friends or Goodwill. I feel that I haven’t accumulated that much since my last purge – in preparation for Peace Corps – but I still have so much stuff. Where did it all come from?

I’ve been a packrat since I was a child and I have a way of assigning emotional value to the most mundane of household objects. It is one of the reasons that my mother’s basement is full of crates of my childhood junk. I feel that I am better than I once was but I still have trouble parting with stuff.

Thankfully, since the beginning of the fall, I’ve cut back on my purchases – not only to save money but also to avoid accumulating anything else that I’d have to throw away next year.

In the last month, I have started to give away/recycle/trash some of my clothes and desk items, but I haven’t made a significant dent in any of it (don’t get me started on my six, unpacked boxes of kitchen items, wft?!).

It is not going to be fun. But it has to be done. I don’t want to saddle my mother with any more boxes of my things and it is not worth putting any of it in storage. So I have to decide what is irreplaceable or would be expensive or a hassle to replace.

The truly tricky thing is figuring out what I should keep to bring with me. I know that my lifestyle will be that of poor wannabe expat, but I am not sure exactly what I will be doing and where exactly I’ll be living. And I won't know for months.

As a side note, over the weekend, I received my mother's full buy-in regarding my scheme to live/work/study abroad. I don't know what I expected but she didn't blink an eye when I told her that I was very open to staying longer than a year -- and that it all depended on my professional prospects and if I found a husband (i.e., if I could get a visa). And she was not suprised when I said that I want to raise my kids abroad. I brought this point up again today to ensure that she understood the implications. She does and she supports me.

It is great to have a mother who listens and lets me make my own decisions. I am very thankful to have her. And I can’t wait to host her (and all my awesome cheerleading friends!) wherever I am next year and thereafter.

Another Update, Plans for Abroad

2010-12-12T11:37:00.003-05:00

This week marks the 4-month anniversary of my pursuit of French proficiency and professional opportunities in Europe. I have one more application to submit by Friday, and then, I will be officially done with Part One of my plan. I can’t believe how much time, effort, and money I devoted to learning French and to perfecting my applications. I am so proud of myself. My fingers are crossed that one of the programs I applied to will work out (I’ve already been contacted for an interview!). But given the economy, I know the applicant pool is crowded and the programs are highly competitive.

Now that it’s almost 2011, I’ve started to think about how I will celebrate my 30th birthday. For sure, I will drink and dance with friends in DC, but I also want to do something just for myself. I’m leaning toward going to see Thomas Fersen at La Cigale in Paris at the end of April (during the spring recess!! But that may not matter if I don’t have a Hill job…). I have become obsessed with Thomas Fersen, along with a handful of other French singers (Camille, ZAZ, etc) thanks to Alliance Française. A-M is contemplating Spain this spring and another potential travel buddy is talking about Eastern Europe. So I would probably go alone (it is a bucket list goal...), and if I'm not selected for the programs I applied to, it will make sense to visit Lyon, Nantes, and Avignon – the locations of the French language schools I’m considering.

So, thankfully, I’m still on track to fulfill my dream of living/working/studying abroad starting next summer/fall.

My mother arrives in DC on Saturday and I look forward to her visit. I am anxious to share with her, in person, all of my hopes and dreams for the future. She needs to understand that I am very open to living in Europe for longer than a year—and what that means in terms of the sort of career, family, and lifestyle I hope to have. We need to talk about downsizing my possessions and about my finances. It should be an interesting conversation, and yes, I think that we’ll discuss it over a French meal.

A Thought

2010-12-01T22:29:00.004-05:00

"I arise in the morning torn between a desire to save the world and a desire to savor the world. That makes it hard to plan the day." (E.B. White)

Hat tip to A-M for sharing this quote that sums up my life's struggle. I wish I was the type to just savor life. But I feel that I am called to a life of service: helping children and protecting the environment.

I think it is reasonable that I should want to a year (or two) to savor life in Europe. But eventually, I must return to a life of sacrifice (i.e., minimalism, anti-consumerism, etc) and hardwork that I believe will allow me to make a difference in the nation and the world.

Giving Thanks

2010-11-25T10:57:00.002-05:00

I am thankful every day for the progress that I have made in my life during the past year. I am feeling happier, smarter, sexier, and more confident than I have ever felt in my life. Perhaps, I have "found myself." Thanks to the breakup with Floyd, thanks to phenomenal friends, thanks to the unconditional support of my family, and thanks to all the annoying challenges that life sent my way.

Last night, I spent a few hours writing in my journal about my priorities for my life. I feel that I now have a better grasp of what will make me happy in the long term in regards to a husband, family, career, lifestyle, location, etc. I am feeling optimistic about my future. And I am grateful for that.

This year, in particular, I am thankful for the persistence of my inner voice that has reminded me of my childhood hopes and charged me to chase my dreams.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Two Meetings

2010-11-23T16:40:00.002-05:00

Floyd
Yesterday, I had lunch with Floyd. He had been suggesting that we hang out since the summertime. I figured it either it was to 1) let me know that he was getting married; 2) ask me for a second chance. The former would have been expected as it is always the result of dating a guy who doesn’t believe in marriage: Suddenly discovers that he does want to get married (just not to you). The later, while flattering, just makes me squirm.

I felt that it was important to have lunch with him given that he has been rather supportive in my pursuits to go abroad. But sure enough, he wanted to meet so that he could tell me that he is dating someone that he hopes to get serious with.

I find that quite amusing. Without a doubt, it has yanked the bandage off the emotions I thought had dissipated with time. To be honest, I am truly over him, but I am not over our relationship—or at least, I miss the carefree, in-love Hippo I was during that time. Now, I am happy, for sure, but a little jaded and definitely more guarded.

I know that his heart was in the right place in wanting to tell me in-person. A random meeting with him and his new love would have been awkward. I wish that I was able to tell him in response that I am also in a loving relationship.

Well, actually, I am in a loving relationship...with myself (possibly the most important relationship of all). Amazingly with Floyd gone, I have learned to love me.

Life Goals
A day later, I met a woman that I admire for coffee. I wanted to get her advice and encouragement about the career and personal options I am considering for the next few years. The most striking thing that she noted was how important this time in my life is; how it is very important to be building a foundation in my career and personal life now. And that I need to make important decision about what is important to me in regards to a family life and my career. She shared with me a few stories of her friends who are facing 40+ and made bad decisions.

Our conversation helped to put things into perspective, but it has also increased my anxiety about making the right choices during the upcoming years. My heart and fancy scream France, but maybe I should listen to my brain and be a bit more measured about taking that risk.

My twenties have been a time of following the rules and working hard. Thankfully, all my efforts are paying off. I would hate to make a misstep now that would destroy all that I have built, or that would make it harder for me to achieve all of my dreams in the future.

My mother will visit me in December. I look forward to seriously finally opening up to her so that I can get her advice. Then, I'll need to take time to reevaluate my priorities so that I can chart a path that is realistic but also respects the vision of my life that I had as a little girl.

The Election & My Hill Job

2010-11-12T14:22:00.001-05:00

The past two weeks have been interesting. My personal life is good. My applications to for international work programs are still in the works. But there has been a marked increase in anxiety, tension and sadness at work.

The elections are going to change the landscape on the Hill next year—not just from a policy perspective but in terms of the circles of friends that I've made on the Hill. I am very fortunate that I should be able to continue my job next year but some of my friends won't.

It is shocking that so many Members of Congress who have devoted their careers to helping out their constituents and making America better--won't be here next year. So much institutional knowledge goes with them. So much tireless service disregarded by the electorate in a misguided wave of anti-incumbent fervor. The wave has stripped the Democrats of their reign in the House--a reign that has lead to major legislative accomplishments for our country including health care reform, Wall Street reform, credit card reform, and education loan reform. For some reason, the American public--at least the ones who voted--decided to ignore all that in favor of a party that doesn't have any ideas and whose sole purpose is to serve the rich and corporate America. Their "Pledge to America" is a plague on America.

Okay, off my soapbox now. Oddly enough, the changes to come have gotten me fired up to work even harder in the new Congress. It will be a fascinating time for the House and I remain grateful for the privledge of being a part of the fight -- even if only for a little while longer.

Musings on Voting Early in D.C.

2010-10-28T12:25:00.004-05:00

I just spent my lunch hour registering to vote in Washington, DC. Yes, I recognize that DC doesn’t have full representation but it is my home. And after spending over a year back in the city, it seems silly to be registered in MD or even GA--though, I haven't decided if I will change my GA license...

I’ve heard that folks get called for jury duty almost immediately after registering to vote. Well see if that is the case for me. I hope not.

It feels nice to have exercised my right to vote—given all the folks who fought to give that right to women and people of color.

And I encourage everyone who is reading my blog to vote early or next Tuesday. This is an important election. And I'm sure you remember the lesson from the 2000 election: every vote really does count.

Journaling Does Wonders

2010-10-27T14:30:00.001-05:00

"If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours." (Thoreau)

Over the weekend, I did a bit of soul searching after reading a book on taking a sabbatical ("Unplugged: How to Disconnect from the Rat Race, Have an Existential Crisis, and Find Meaning and Fulfillment"). The book really got me thinking about what I really want out of my sabbatical—and what I want out of my life.

The most important thing that the book has done is that it has gotten me to start writing in my journal again (the author really pushes journal writing). I used to write in my journal all the time, but over time (especially after I started this blog) my journal writing decreased. I am trying to change that.

I've always believed that life is about love and learning lessons. And I feel that the people and experiences that come into our lives – no matter how briefly – serve the purpose of providing you with new insight and giving you a chance to love (yourself and/or others). If you are lucky and mindful, you'll always get both.

In writing in my journal during the past few days I've come to several realizations – thoughts that have always been with me but that I ignored or discounted. Here are just a few:

1) I want to raise my children in Europe. Most of my friends have heard me say that I want to raise my children in a household where Spanish, French, and English are spoken. I always joke that I'll have to work two jobs to afford an educated, multilingual nanny. But in reality, I always thought that it would be best to a) marry someone who spoke at least two of those languages; b) learn those languages myself; and c) raise my children abroad—even if for just the first 5 or 10 years. Oddly enough, I used to talk about this with Floyd, but over the years, I somehow "forgot" about how important those things are to me. What that means for my career, for my love life, for everything that I've tried to build in DC, I don't know… It is odd that I'm now talking about settling down, getting married and having children in the next 5 years—after spending most of 2008 and 2009 writing off men and babies (residual bitterness post-Floyd?). Thank you journal and thank you random French guy from Craigslist.

2) Working on the Hill is a pit stop in my journey. I was blinded by the excitement and the newness of political life on the Hill for about 2 years. But now feel that this is not my true calling. It is not the sort of lifestyle I want and I don't know if it is the best way for me to be effective at "changing the world" (see #3). For sure, it has been an once-in-a-lifetime experience. And thankfully, it has reminded me of my love of language, of writing, and of communications. I don't know if that means I belong with a nonprofit consumer education group, with a PR consulting firm, or perhaps, writing books (children's books!) or articles on environmental topics.

3) The other thing that has resurfaced is the fact that I still don't know if I am meant to effect change top-down or bottom-up. This has been my worry ever since I was in high school. I sense that my heart will always be in environmental education and helping children, so maybe it's time to explore my college dream of opening an afterschool program focused on cultural exchange and environmental education (another dream that I somehow "forgot" until recently! That's why keeping a journal and rereading old entries is so valuable.)

The list could go on. The bottom-line is that I've realized that the anxiety I've felt ever since I decided to take a career break is grounded in a more basic worry that I am not spending my short time on Earth "wisely." I no longer want to live on autopilot, just floating through life. I must seek to discover and then, consciously work toward my own personal sense of fulfillment, happiness, and peace—now.

So, I'm going to spend the next year or two exploring what is important to me; avoiding the noise, the negativity, and the doubt (from myself and from others). Of course, there will be distractions, setbacks, and detours, but I am optimistic that if work hard, stay focused, and sacrifice as needed, I will be able to create the life of my dreams.

Two Random Stories

2010-10-18T16:15:00.002-05:00

During the Columbus Day weekend, I had two experiences that gave me pause.

Sundress

When I was walking in my hood one afternoon, I noticed that the woman walking in front of me was providing a peepshow to the neighborhood. Somehow, her wrapdress had hooked itself on her large bag so that the entire length of her right leg was in full view. Added to that, the light breeze, and you got a clear shot of her green underwear.

After hesitating for a bit, thinking that one of the other people walking in front of me would surely alert the woman (typical bystander effect as no one did), I caught up with the woman. I tactfully told her that her dress was hitched rather high, probably because of her bag. Instead of saying thank you, this woman said something to the effect of whatever. So I continued, trying to make her understand how serious the situation was: "I can literally see everything, honey." She looked at my blankly. So I was like, fine, whatever, and walked off.

Who knows if she did readjust her dress? When I told a friend about this, she figured that the girl was doing it on purpose. I doubt that. She wasn't a particularly attractive woman, but rather a non-descript 20-something in a sundress. And she did not look like the type who was looking for attention or action. Or maybe that was her shtick.

If I was her, I would have been profusely grateful. But no, she had an attitude.

People are weird.

Quarters

During that same weekend, I was walking near the Columbia Heights fountain. It was a beautiful day and everyone (and their grandma) was out eating fro-yo, chatting, and simply walking around. On my way to the metro, I noticed two gleaming quarters on the sidewalk. I paused. They were on tails and being the pseudo-superstitious person that I am I debated picking them up.

For those of you who know about my tendency of finding money ($5, $20, $100) on the ground, you might assume that I left the quarters there. I don't have a problem picking up coins—as long as they are on heads. I have a problem with claiming bills that aren't mine—as I'm freaked out by the sort of karma that may be tied to them.

So, I bent over to pick them up. But they wouldn't budge. I literally scrapped the surface of my nails on the concrete trying to pry away the first and then the second quarter. After about a minute, I shrugged it off with an embarrassed laugh and went on my way.

I imagine that someone super-glued them to the sidewalk and was sitting somewhere nearby watching fools like me try to remove the quarters in vain.

Oddly, enough, when I returned home that night, the quarters were gone. I guess someone was carrying around some acetone or a nail file to effectively pick them up. You better believe that I would have tried both if I had them.

Career Break - Still on Track

2010-10-14T18:10:00.003-05:00

Last night, I had a heart-to-heart with my mother about my plans for a year abroad. The night before she sent me an email that included the lines: “Why are you rushing this? You have a once-in-a-lifetime job opportunity that pays well and has benefits. Are you ready to handle the change in your lifestyle when you are abroad and when you return? ”

Of course, I spent the day with a stress headache thinking about my mother’s email. It was odd that she sent her words of doubt only a few weeks after giving me her blessing. It turns out that my mother didn’t quite understand my plans—that I had a plan. I think she imagined that I was going to buy a one-way ticket to France and live as a street performer. That is not the case.

The good thing about yesterday was that it refocused me. I realize now how much I value an experience abroad that is professional in nature. Sure, I've spent hours researching university language program. I have even selected my top 4 choices (3 in Lyon and 1 in Avignon). While learning French is the fundamental objective of my break, I am reaching for more. My first choice is finding a fellowship or internship program that I can provide me with professional experiences and skills that directly relate to my career goals.

Reading articles like this one in The New York Times earlier this week, reminded me that I’m not the first person (nor the last) to contemplate a career sabbatical. Floyd did it for a year. I remember how skeptical I was about his plan. He is now one of my cheerleaders.

So, I’m going to continue to scour the web and talk to people. I need to amass as much information as I can. It is all stressing me out but it’s a happy stress. A stress that is motivating me to turn my deepest dreams in to a plan.

I want to do this break right. Sure, there will be hiccups along the way but I want to be sure that I explore all of my options and put in place a sound safety net for my time outside of the rat race and particularly, for when I return.

An Election Year & Job Security

2010-09-29T14:46:00.001-05:00

This week, I felt the need to remind my mother of the reality of a political staffer in an election year: many of us may be out of a job in a few months.

There are a fair amount of nervous staffers on the Hill. They are worried not only about their boss's reelection but about whether Democrats will remain in power and how that will impact leadership positions and committee membership.

The elections this fall are undoubtedly important to the lives and policy goals of the staffers and their bosses. But the election will also serve an important gauge of the commonsense of the American people (sorta like how America's commonsense was reflected in the reelection of Bush in 2004). Will we choose to let anger and cynicism dominate – bred by the realities of economic hardship, partisan wrangling, and the campaign of misinformation and fear waged by the Republican Party and its media arm, Fox News? I could devote an entire blog to slamming Fox News and Republicans, but I prefer not to waste my time. I'll also avoid enumerating all the notable things that Democrats and President Obama have done during the past 2 years and why the vision and actions of the Democrat party are better for our nation. There are enough blogs out there who would do a better job than I on both topics.

In the face of the upcoming elections, I am not particularly worried about my career on the Hill. I will be sad to lose my job, and I know that I will have to compete with hundreds of former Democratic staffers for off-Hill jobs. Most likely, I'll just move home and prepare for an early departure to France.

The thing I am anxious about, that truly makes me sad, is the thought that Americans will chose to not vote this November. And worse, will choose to not be informed voters this November (Fox News viewers: Switch over to NewsHour, BBCWorld, MSNBC, or CNN for just 30 minutes each day. You'll get an education; Non-FoxNews Viewers: Check out FoxNews for just 30 minutes each day, and I promise that you'll be motivated to get politically involved or at least motivated to stay aware of current events and policies).

So much is at stake this year. And not to sound cliché, but I will say it anyway, the future of America depends on having thoughtful voters who elect selfless leaders into office, leaders who are not focused on scoring political points, but instead honestly want to improve America for the benefit of all Americans.

A Modern American Woman

2010-09-27T16:14:00.001-05:00

Over the weekend, I met with my language exchange partner and we discussed the differences between our two cultures. He is a Francophone from Cameroon. He admitted that he was struck by the fact that I was making plans for the future that did not involve a family life. Instead, everything related to my career, my education, and my travel goals. He noted how different things are in his own country and culture.

That is the wonder and beauty of being a modern American woman. I have choices. I can get married, or not. I can have children, or not. I can be a housewife, or a career woman.

Thankfully, the stigma of being unmarried at 50 or even 30 isn't what it used to be. Women are putting off or avoiding altogether marriage and babies. Women are defining themselves based on their career and community activities, and not based on their husbands/partners.

My mother, grandmother, and so many other women who came before me fought long and hard to give me options.

I smile everyday that I go to work for a powerful female boss. (Nope, I'm not a sexually harassed secretary for a male boss! And as an African American woman, I can aspire to do more than work as a maid or a nanny.)

I smile when I come home to my co-ed house (Nope, I don't have to live with my parents until I get married!).

I smile when I book a ticket to France using my own cash (Yep, I have my own bank account and I can travel without a chaperone).

I smile knowing that I went to school to become a more knowledgeable person and to further my career not to increase my prospects for finding a husband before I got too old. I smile knowing that I was able to go to school.

I can't imagine living in a culture or in a time period where my only option, my expected ambition, was to get married and have babies. A time period and culture where my views, desires, and abilities were secondary to those of men.

I must note that I do not have a problem with any woman who aspires to succeed as a wife and mother. That is a beautiful, meaningful choice as well. What I do have a problem with is being limited by my gender. And, thankfully, as a modern, American woman, I am not.

Language Exchange

2010-09-22T14:05:00.001-05:00

I'm sure my readers are tired of me writing about France and my French language pursuits. But I can't help it if dreams of France dominate my free time. I recently signed up for a French-English language exchange partner and a French pen pal.

French-English language exchange partner

I met with my language exchange partner last week and I think we will try to meet on a weekly basis from now on. He is from Cameroon and a student in Maryland. He's hoping to improve his English and he is willing to help me with my pronunciation and understanding of the French language and culture. (And yes, I am aware that Cameroon French is not the same as Parisian French or French in the Loire Valley.) The focus was definitely on English during our first meeting—mainly because I still don't know enough vocabulary (especially verb conjugations) to express myself beyond the basics. I hope that future sessions are more evenly split between English and French—but first I need to learn more. I definitely plan on getting him to check my French resume and teaching assistantship essay for grammar errors. And I've already offered to review anything that he writes for school.

French pen pal

During the past two weeks, I've been exchanging emails with a French guy who lives in Paris. We exchange emails almost everyday—half in English and half in French. It has been a great way for me to learn new vocabulary words and also to learn about the life of a Frenchman. Most of our emails are about our lifestyles and our plans for the future. But we have also exchanged our views on hot political topics like retirement reform in France and plans to build a mosque near Ground Zero. I hope to find a Frenchwoman to email next – so that I can get a female's perspective on life in France and of course, her perspective on Frenchmen. And yes, I still get the occasional email from that French guy in Tours. Hopefully, I can remain connected with both guys—make even more friends—to help in my transition. I imagine that it will be easy for me to make English-speaking friends via whatever program I join. But it will be more difficult to make French friends who are willing to help me integrate into French society and avoid the common foreigner/tourist mistakes (like the societal norm on kissing…).

I must admit that I am anxious to move. Blame it on "Hill burnout" and a lack of exercise, but I am walking zombie most days. Most of all, I'm feeling disillusioned and cynical about what happens on the Hill and how much of a difference I can make. The DC bubble seems so toxic these days and I'm just tired of the misinformation, the ignorance, and the spin. Of course, I blame the other side.

Mostly, I need a break from the rat race. February, August, or whatever month next year I mark for my departure can't come soon enough.

So that's my update. I promise that my next post will NOT be about France.

Une Rêveuse

2010-09-07T12:56:00.002-05:00

I spent the past week attempting to immerse myself in the French language and culture. I am still optimistic that I will be close to achieving the B2 level (!!) by December given that I devote most of my free time to learning new words, studying grammar, translating sentences, listening to French music and news, watching French movies, and writing/speaking French in class. My French self-study and new immersion class are both a little overwhelming and tiring. But I am shockingly driven to achieve French proficiency within the next few months (for the teaching assistantship) and year (for school, work, etc in France).

One of the French movies I watched over the weekend was Amélie. Indeed, it is a beloved French movie, quite whimsical and fun. But it was a movie that made me worry about my own quirks—especially after hearing this line from Raymond Dufayel, the “Glassman”:

“You mean she would rather imagine herself relating to an absent person than build relationships with those around her?”

It is true that I live in a dreamworld. It is odd that I am that way given that I had an older sister to play with, but as my parents would attest, I was always reserved and tended to keep to myself. While I am much more social these days, I still relish and often, seek out solitude. It’s just my personality I guess, though one could also blame the fact that my favorite hobbies (reading and writing) tend to be independent activities.

And I am a dreamer. I live so much of my life in my imagination and in my mind—thinking about the present, the past, and the future. I’m sure that reading and writing so much fiction reinforces this.

My question is whether this has prevented me from living life. Without a doubt, I have an active, fulfilling internal life. But am I missing out on something else?

There are so many people out there who are unable to be alone. I pity them. I can entertain myself for hours with my imagination alone. Add in bright sunshine and puffy clouds (and snacks, of course), and I’m good for an entire day of solitude.

And yet, it probably is a fault to live too little in the world. Life is about relationships, learning, and love. And, although I can do all of those things alone, there is a greater chance for personal growth in doing them with others.

So, I must seek a better balance. That means, for example, I won’t prevent myself from imagining wonderfully romantic events starring me and my latest crush. But I will put myself out there more often so that I can have a chance to, in reality, experience all that I dream.

Afros & Hippos - Getting Back to My Roots

2010-08-30T15:34:00.002-05:00

For the past few years, I’ve been contemplating breaking my addition to the “creamy crack”. (For full disclosure, I had no idea what that term referred to until I watched Chris Rock’s “Good Hair.”)

I’ve been getting my hair chemically relaxed since I was in 7th grade. Before then, my mother would plait my hair every morning with pretty clips and bows. For special occasions like Easter or my birthday, I might get a hot comb treatment. I was always amazed by how different my hair felt and looked when it was straightened. My hair would actually blow in the wind and do all the sorts of things I felt that “good hair” would do. I can’t say that my mother taught me the idea of “good hair” as my mother has had an afro since the early 1970s. So, I’d assume my understanding of “good hair” was the product of the attitudes of my school friends and my own comparison of my Barbie’s straight blonde locks and my own “nappy” mane.

The summer before I started junior high, my mother agreed that it was time to start getting my hair relaxed so that I could pursue all the styles I wanted without her having to deal with pressing my hair (only to have me ruin it in the shower, when exercising, or in the rain). I loved getting my hair relaxed. But I don’t think I was ever truly satisfied with chemically straightened hair, and that was probably because until recently, I didn’t know much about the process of chemically straightening hair and the importance of a specialized regime to ensure that your treated hair remains healthy. So, I even then I normally sported a ponytail or bun. It was easy and got my hair out of the way—and now it is my signature look.

I do wish that I had chosen to not go relaxed at 13, but then, I don’t know how I would have coped with being the only natural-haired Black girl at school. A lot has changed over the years. Natural hairstyles are much more mainstream and so many women have learned to embraces their natural curls.

So, this brings me to my latest bright idea. I want to grow out my hair. This desire stems from environmental, spiritual, and even financial reasons. Whereas I used to abhor any new growth, I now rejoice in seeing and feeling its texture and curl. I want to experience having a whole head of texture and curl—something I haven’t had in over 15 years.

Transitioning
Back when I was applying to Peace Corps, I figured that I would go natural before my departure. I wasn’t sure how I would be able to maintain my relaxer routine if I lived in a remote village, and I figured it would be the perfect way to transition from relaxed to natural without having to deal with the reaction of people who are used by my “straightened and pulled-back” style.

Doing it now frightens me. I worry about the reaction of my friends, my coworkers, and guys. I wonder if I will be perceived as attractive to men sporting a ‘fro—particularly men who aren’t African American (you know that I always find myself attracted to Latinos and White men). Will those men find me attractive or will they be put-off by a natural style? But then, would I want to date that sort of guy anyway? And I wonder how it will change other people’s perception of me in the workplace—especially as I seek to pursue fellowships, internships, and other professional opportunities abroad.

So the reaction of others definitely worries me. But I don’t think that is enough as the only reaction that matters is my own. I’m not really afraid of the actual change in hair texture and style. I have my mother to thank for that. Plus, cutting my hair off and sporting a funky ‘fro shouldn’t be that much of a change given that I don’t rely on my hair in framing my face and my hair has never really defined my style—it’s always just sorta there.

So, how soon until my “Big Chop”? My vote is for a few months of transitioning (i.e., letting my natural hair grow out) before getting it cut and styled into a funky ‘fro. I plan on consulting with a trusted stylist who sports a natural do this weekend. I look forward to hearing what she recommends and then, asking my mother for her blessing (as is required for all major life decisions).

Oui, c’est possible: A hippo with an afro in 2011.

My Plan of Attack

2010-08-25T16:31:00.003-05:00

During the past week, I’ve shared my dreams of going abroad with a number of friends. Everyone is very supportive but interestingly, they are surprised to learn that I am actively pursuing this goal (i.e., drafting a personal statement for one application, meeting with people, learning French at home, etc). It is true that, in the past, I’ve talked about doing a lot of things that never panned out. But this time, I am not following some random, bright idea, but the voice of the “little girl” inside of me who always longed to live abroad and be immersed in the French and Spanish language and culture. It’s the voice that I tried to follow back when I applied to Peace Corps. And then, my life on the Hill and the allure of being settled in DC distracted me. Now, I’m back on track.

So here is my plan for achieving my goal. This will probably change as I learn about additional programs (gotta network, network, network!!) or realize that I actually don’t want to live abroad (I can’t imagine that would ever happen, but who knows…). I've included links for those of you who are interested in the same sort of thing.

1) Tell My Boss
This actually wasn’t supposed to happen for a few more weeks, but Monday I found myself in the curious position of having a heart-to-heart with my boss about my plans. She was very supportive, which is great—especially as I’ll be asking her for recommendations. But it is intimidating to put an official marker out there saying that you intend to do something. It makes it all real and increases the pressure not to fail.

2) Learn French
Today, I forked over a month’s worth of rent for two French classes at the Alliance Française in DC. Hopefully, my language acquisition via AF is much better than my Spanish review at ILI. Regardless, I am striving to reach a level of proficiency sufficient to successfully compete for the Teaching Assistant Program in France through the French Embassy. Based on the information I’ve read online, it seems like I have a chance to earn a spot as long as I turn my application in during the first deadline, am profuse about my interest in teaching in France, and hire a French tutor to help me advance quicker and to write a recommendation for the program.

Signing up for a year of group and private classes will be a major financial investment for a program that I very well may not get into, yet I want to learn French and AF is definitely much cheaper than classes at my beloved alma mater ($1,500+ per credit hour!). And, even if I don’t make it into the program, taking the classes will give me the rudimentary understanding of French that I want to have before I return to France to visit or to enroll in an immersion language course.

3) Learn German
I am really excited about the possibility of the Robert Bosch Foundation Fellowship Program. No, it isn’t France but the program would arrange for me to learn German before the program starts, and I would be able to spend several months in Germany gaining professional experience in my field. And that could be just the launching pad I need to find a job that will enable me to live and work abroad long-term.

4) Re-learn Spanish
If the programs in France and Germany don’t work out, and I’m still in D.C. (and antsy for international experience), I’ll apply to the North American Language and Culture Assistants in Spain program through the Government of Spain. The requirements are similar to the France program but you can be a little older. I’ll get a Spanish tutor to improve my Spanish and apply for the 2012-2013 school year.

5) Deplete “Gotta Go to France” Savings Fund
If none of the above options pan out and I don’t find any other alternatives, I’ll follow this woman's advice and take classes next fall to acquire a TEFL certificate, get a 3-month visa, and book a flight to Paris for January 2012. I’ll spend one week applying to English teaching jobs at private language institutes in Paris while taking French classes (so that I can get the reality check of a miserably wet and cold Paris winter). And if no one hires me, I’ll just do the same thing in two or more other cities I want to visit in France (Lyon, Nice, Marseille, Strasbourg, Lyon, etc). And if after all of that I still don’t have any success, I’ll try out wwoofing, volunteering, paying to teach english (our intern recommended The Language House TEF), enroll in more more French language and cultural classes, or some other random experience (e.g., La Giraudiere) until I deplete my “Gotta Go to France” savings fund. Then, I'll return home and either get ready for the program in Spain or just return to my old political staffer life in DC.

So, yes, I do have a plan. A-M called me a dreamer. I guess I am. But I am also an avid planner. And once I am inspired to achieve something, I will devote all my energy into it. It is quite possible that I will drop this whole scheme in favor of a new job opportunity (if the Administration came-a-knocking, I would drop this in a heartbeat). Or maybe something else happens (love, family, etc) that leads me to make the conscious decision to settle-down in my career and in DC.

Life is all about dreaming, making plans, and then, readjusting those plans based on the curveballs that life sends your way. Regardless, I’m going to do my best to implement this plan of attack so that when I am 80 and I can look back and at least say that I tried.

A Countdown

2010-08-17T21:51:00.004-05:00

So I think I’m really going to do it.

I’m giving myself until the end of February 2011 to get everything in order.

That gives me a full two years in my current office. I do have some misgivings given the career future and financial stability I would be leaving. But then I remember that I am in the exact same place I was two years ago when I was getting ready to leave for the Peace Corps. I moved into a shared house to save money, got rid of half of my possessions to make for an easier move, started taking a Spanish classes, and went to work on the Hill because I couldn’t imagine leaving DC without having that experience. It was never meant to be for more than six months. But I fell in love with the Hill’s energy, and it treated me well. My only sadness about taking a break from that career path will be to leave (and possibly never return) without having had a Senate-side or Administration experience. But I have had a few experiences that most politicos would envy.

My February deadline also gives me a little over 6 months to save as much money as I can, learn French phrases, and do lots of research into different program options. Floyd recommends that I find a way to have an experience abroad that helps to further my career so that it isn’t a random gap in employment that I’ll have to explain when I return. I am reluctant to enroll in graduate school. But I am interested in a political position abroad. I don’t have the connections to become a political appointee in the US embassy in France. But maybe that is something I can work on during the upcoming 6 months. Or at least I hope to find contacts that could be helpful for a long-term move in the future (once I've become fluent in French).

What I’d really love to do is find a legislative exchange/fellowship program that would enable me, as a Hill staffer, to work in a legislative body in France, Spain, and/or the UK. Now that would add something to my resume--while allowing me to experience living and working abroad. So far, I haven’t had any luck finding such a program. But I’m going to keep my fingers crossed and keep talking to people.

My backup plan is to apply for a 3-month visa and enroll in a French immersion program for a bit and then a Teaching English program. Then, I’ll try for the same in Spain before a bit of random travel to England and Scotland to visit friends and maybe Italy, Greece, and wherever else the wind and my wallet takes me. All that before returning to the US to live in my mother’s basement as an unemployed, broke 31 year old (with a lot of great and/or awful stories).

I think my biggest fear is having to reestablish myself in my career and in my networking circles when I return. I don’t look forward to explaining my work hiatus (as a 29/30 year old) to a potential employer. But to bring it back to how it would have been if I had gone to Peace Corps, I would probably be in a similar sort of boat of starting over with lots of uncertainty.

For those of you in the know, this plan is not about my French soulmate--though the men I saw in France would make any straight woman want to return for a longer stay... For the past year, I’ve been talking to my mother about moving to NYC in 2011. Now I'm seeking her blessing for France. So this is just a simple upgrade. And for the record, France is my soulmate or at least she is the one I need to have an ill-fated, torrid love affair with before I settle down.

Dreaming of France

2010-08-14T10:00:00.002-05:00

I am now back in the U.S. of A. Although it is great to be back at home and sleeping in my own bed, it has been a little rough to adjust to the time difference, pace, and lifestyle of D.C. I was truly out of it at work yesterday after my body woke me up at 4 AM—ready for breakfast and to start the day. The day was all downhill after that. Today things are much better and I should be back at 100 percent for work on Monday.

The trip to France was amazing. And I fell in love with the country. So much in fact that I am now scheming to return for a longer stay. Ideally, I would go live in Paris for six months and take a French class or perhaps enroll in some graduate classes. If I was very lucky, I’d find a job. While there, I would definitely visit my college roommate and her sister in England and Scotland and perhaps, visit some of the other cities on my list. Then, I would switch gears and spend 6 months learning Spanish in Spain---or just move out of Paris and experience a long-term stay in Provence. This would enable me to knock out four of my bucket list items—living abroad, traveling alone, and becoming fluent in French and Spanish.

I do have some misgivings about such a scheme—mainly the fact that I’d be leaving behind a very comfortable lifestyle and career path for the unknown, unemployment, and debt. Without a doubt, I can see a fulfilling future for myself here in DC and on the Hill. I could buy a house, find a husband, and start having babies—and be very happy indeed!

Yet, I think that I might regret not taking a chance on living abroad on my own terms—while I still can. I don’t have any obligations—financial, romantic, familial, or otherwise—right now and that may change in the future. It is a selfish desire, but no more selfish than my desire to live in NYC. But living in Paris trumps living in NYC on so many levels. And it is just as expensive.

My crush on Paris that began 3 years ago has grown to a love of France as a result of my latest trip. I long to know and understand France—the language, the culture, the politics, the history, the landscapes, the food, the men... For so long, I was fascinated by Spanish and Spanish-speaking countries that it seems a little odd that France has moved me so. And as my friends say, how can I have fallen in love with France when I haven’t really been anywhere else? Am I only in love with it because it is a known?

I don’t think so. First, there aren’t many places in the world where I can achieve the lifestyle that desire. In the US, it is only NYC, DC, and Chicago and abroad, it is similarly only the large cities that can give me the sort of diversity, energy, opportunity, culture, and stimulation that I need to be happy. I’m not meant for the suburbs or rural life, at least not at my age. And I lean toward Europe because it is industrialized and secure. I love France because it is beautiful and I respect the French way of life. Yes, you are correct if you sense that my goal is stay longer than a year. I want to stay until the money runs out--whether that takes one year or 10. A job always awaits me in DC and if all else fails, my mother would welcome me back home.

In truth, there is nothing really holding me back from following my dreams--but my own fears of failure and the judgement of my peers. And that's not enough. I only desire my mother's blessing and a financial plan, and I can go.

So I’m going to spend the rest of the year teaching myself basic French, saving money, and figuring out how to make this pipe dream a reality. Who knows, maybe next year you'll read a depressing blog post about how moving to France was the worst decision of my life. Or maybe, my blog posts next year will instead detail how my decision to settledown in DC lead to the house, family, and career of my dreams. Who knows?! Life is all about curveballs. You have to dream, prepare, and simply, eventually, go for it.

Parlez-vous français? Non…

2010-07-28T12:38:00.002-05:00

I have four days to cram as much French vocabulary into my brain as possible. I’m headed to France Sunday morning for one of the most seminal adventures of my 20s. It’s the wannabe backpacking trip that I should have taken back in college. But, I have no regrets. I’m going now as a mature, young woman—with a disposable income.

Cali-girl took French in college so A-M and I be relying on her to help us interact with the locals—especially in the Loire, where I’ve heard there are few people who are fluent in English. I’ve been listening to my handy Berlitz playaway audiobook (super-impressed that the technology has moved us beyond language tapes) during the slowperiods at work and at home before bed. It has helped me learn a few of the basic phrases I’ll need to know to get by. But still, there is so much to learn and understand.

I always dreamed that I would raise my children in a multi-lingual home where Spanish, French, and English were spoken. I’ve basically failed at become fluent in Spanish despite the classes I’ve taken and the resource I had for 8 years (Floyd). So maybe I should give French a try?

As of today, I’m adding that to my bucket list, right next to becoming fluent in Spanish. It really is a beautiful and useful language, and I think the best way for me to learn the language is through as many visits to France as possible.

Holiday in France

2010-07-19T13:14:00.001-05:00

I am becoming increasingly excited that I will be in France in a mere two weeks! I spent the weekend making purchases for my trip. The key and most expensive purchases were a digital camera (welcome to the 21st century, Hippo!), and a pair of cute walking shoes.

I am most proud that I have culled my packing list to the essentials. And I am determined to not panic the night before my departure and end up bringing every item in my closet. I have items that I can mix-and-match and easily hand wash and dry. If all else fails, I will go shopping. I am hoping to acquire a few new items anyway.

Speaking of budgets, I haven’t really figured out a budget for my trip. That is a little dangerous, but I think my frugal nature will ensure that I don’t go overboard. And thankfully, I have a “rainy-day fund” that was originally created for international travel, though it is now my mid-term savings account. I don’t anticipate spending a lot of cash on souvenirs and at touristy sites. I mainly want to spend my cash on food—mostly bread and fruit—specifically fruit tarts and other fruit pastries. Dear me, I have given myself the green light to gain 10 pounds in the pursuit of the perfect fruit tart. The last time I was in Paris, I went a little crazy every morning and evening at the pastry shop near our hotel. I can recall buying 3 tarts during one trip. My mother asked, “Hippo, do you really need all three? You just ate dinner and it is late.” I ate everything that night before bed.

We decided to spend most of our time in Paris, with a short trip to Blois and then Tours to see a few chateaux and experience life outside of the “big city”. According to the travel guides, the Loire Valley is perfectly situated for bike rides so we anticipate renting bikes to ride to the chateaux, with beautiful baguettes and bottles of wine sticking out of the bike baskets. My friends love wine so I’m sure a wine tour will be a possibility while in the Loire as well.

As for Paris, while my friends are visiting the spots I don’t care to visit (the top of the Eiffel Tower, Musee d’Louvre, and Musee d’Orsay), I am determined to check out a few spots that I missed on my last visit. Namely, Montmartre, Musee de Rodin, and lots of lazy hours picnicking and reading in the Jardin des Tuileries, Jardin du Luxembourg, and Champs du Mars. I also want to check out the faux beach and the evening dancing along the Seine.

I am hoping that we are able to have a quick meal with Organica on our first day. She’ll be leaving Paris (after spending a month in France—so jealous!) on the same day that we arrive. I also plan on spending the first day with my college roommate who offered to take a short holiday to Paris so that we can see each other.

Over the weekend, I watched The Diving Bell and The Butterfly, and borrowed two French novels to read during my trip, The Count of Monte Cristo and Madame Bovary. Les Miserable would have been a great addition but it is too large to lug around in my bag. Maybe next time?

All that is left now is to learn more French phrases, review my packing list, and step-up my visits to the gym in preparation for the culinary adventure (of butter, chocolate, wine, and cheese) that awaits me in France.

Slow Dancing

2010-07-10T21:40:00.004-05:00

I guess I should give you a detailed update on my two dates/meetings this week. But instead I want to talk about the lost art form that is slow dancing to beautiful ballads.

Maybe I keep my radio on top 40 too much but I’m really missing ballads these days. In fact, I don’t think I’ve heard a really good love song since I was a child. In those days, my mother kept a constant loop of Luther Vandross songs and my father was all about Phyllis Hyman. And of course, my father always played from his record collection Saturday mornings. I can recall many mornings of eating grits and bacon to background music provided by The Dells, The Platters, or Nancy Wilson.

I’d imagine that there are still good, new love songs out there, and that they just don't infiltrate all the club and dance songs that dominate the stations I listen to. That’s why you’ll see me tuning my radio to the Quiet Storm when I’m doing dishes in the evening—just like my mom and dad did when I was a kid. And oddly, the same songs that dominated the mix back then are still played. Which makes me think that there really isn’t much new out there.

And that brings me to the fact that I’ve been very interested in slow dancing. Whenever I listen to Sinatra or Ella, I imagine myself wearing a pretty dress and heels and gently swaying to the music, my eyes locked with those of a cute guy. That is a far cry from the bumping and grinding that goes on at all the bars and clubs in DC. Don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy booty shaking as much as any other 20-something girl. But now that I’m older, I long for the formality and the greater connection one can get through slow dancing. I think the last time I slow danced (with a person and not my stuffed hippo…) was with Floyd. We danced to Selena. It was very romantic. And I would take that over any other night of gyrating to Outkast, Ludacris, or anything else we danced to in those days.

A-M tells me that I need to get connected with the DC Hand Dancing clubs, and perhaps, the classes at Glen Echo.

I know that this all makes me sound like a crazy old lady. I’m only recently realizing how old fashioned and traditional I really am. Maybe it comes with age or maybe it's that this is my “authentic self.” Regardless, I am in search of some modern ballads for some wholesome slowdancing. I guess I should work on securing a dance partner first. As I know from experience, there is always a shortage of males at dancing classes.

On that note, I bombed my meeting with J. I went into it seeing it as an informational interview/networking opportunity—that was my cover and what I told myself so that I wouldn't get nervous and act weird. Unfortunately, I never directed our meeting into more social territory, and our hour-long chat barely left the realm of the professional. And I left with a new professional contact and not a date. But I'm still somewhat hopeful. My date today with O from Okcupid went okay, but I sense that I merely made a new friend. He is really nice but we'll see how things go on the next date, assuming he calls.

Thankfully, I am not discouraged (just frustrated). I look forward to going on more dates in the hopes that I'll someday, finally get it right and hit the jackpot.

Fishing

2010-07-06T21:58:00.003-05:00

I have two “meetings” lined up for this week. Yes, I called it a meeting not a date. Well, one is a date while the other is sort of a mini-date veiled as a professional/networking meeting. On Saturday, I’m meeting a guy I met on OKCupid, O, and on Thursday, I’m meeting a guy that I met at a party two weeks ago, J.

I don’t know how I managed it but I somehow got the courage to email J today. I really like him. He is smart and funny, and he seems to be interested in the same progressive politics as me. He works on the Hill, and though he is shorter than I’d like, I found myself drawn to him that night. And I don’t think it was just the alcohol. At least I hope not. I ran into him over the weekend, and I was nothing but awkward. Thankfully, I was convinced to take the initiative and drop him a line. He emailed me back and now we are set for coffee on Thursday so that I can “learn more about his job.” I just want to find out if we can click over coffee as we did over martinis.

In the case of O, I’m letting him take the lead. He brought up meeting in-person last week and we finally agreed to a time and place for a face to face. We’ve had a number of long email exchanges during the past few weeks on topics like our careers, families, childhood, and dreams for the future. Who knows if we will get along in-person. I hope we do but chemistry can be a funny thing. And that is why I insisted that we not go to a restaurant like he suggested. It is so much easier to slip out quickly after ordering coffee than if you ordered an appetizer and entrée.

It shows you how traditional I am that I was very resistant to emailing J at first. I feel very strongly, like Patty, that a man should lead in the pursuit. That’s why I only emailed O after he contacted me with something more than a random line about my appearance. And that is why I waited for O to suggest that we meet in person. But in the case of J, I was so much an awkward wallflower during our last meeting that I felt the need to contact him. I knew that I didn’t give clear signals and that he wasn’t the type to take a chance and contact me anyway. My hope is that now he realizes that I am interested and that the ball is in his court. It seems like a silly cat and mouse game, and I’ve only just begun to try and understand it.

I am looking forward to both of my meetings with girlish glee. I feel exhilarated and powerfully female. Both meetings are exactly what I need to give me a much-needed ego boost when it comes to guys.

On a similar note, I had dinner with my ex tonight. It was awkward at times but enjoyable. I’m very glad that we are trying to transition from lovers/bffs to just friends. Despite all that has passed, he remains someone that I admire, love, and respect as a friend and as my past love. He is no longer my future. And that is okay.

Women’s Golf Month

2010-06-27T08:03:00.002-05:00

I went out on a group outing with some Hill staffers to the East Potomac Park Golf Course and Driving Range. We were there to celebrate women’s golf month, but also because we want to learn the basics of golf. There are a number of networking and fundraising events associated with the Hill that take place on golf coursea, and I think we all acknowledged that beyond the possibility of it becoming an extracurricular activity, golf is important for our professional development.

We met for lunch before heading out to the driving range to learn the basics of holding a club and how to stand and swing. I like the fact that there is a standard technique that is used throughout the game, no matter which club you are using. The lesson was informative and a lot of fun. We hit balls with a 9 iron for about an hour before calling it a day. Afterwards, we started talking about taking advantage of the $99 group classes so that we could continue to hone our skills—as a group. Yes, we were truly psyched about improving our skills.

Until this weekend, I never considered golf to be a game for me. I used to accompany Floyd to the driving range, and hit a few balls before giving up and reading a book while I waited for him. But I despite all that Tiger has done for the game, I continued to view golf as a sport for older, wealthy men of European descent. And I associated golf with a country club mentality that I wanted nothing do with.

But after my experience at the range this weekend, I am ready to have an open mind and give golf a real try.

France in August!

2010-06-20T00:20:00.000-05:00

About a week ago, A-M, Cali, and I bought plane tickets for France. We had been talking about traveling to Europe for weeks and finally, we decided on a preferred country and departure date.

I am beyond excited about returning to France. My 10-day trip with my mother a few years ago, while wonderful, was simply not long enough to explore anything beyond Paris. And even then, there were parts of Paris I didn't get to see. But then, when traveling, is there ever really enough time?

So this August, I'll have 10 more days. We are ambitiously thinking of dividing our time between Paris, Bordeaux (or some other wine region), and then Nice or some other Provence city. I simply can't wait to watch the 9 pm sunset in Paris, and see castles, Mediterranean beaches, and fields of lavender in the other regions. I am quite certain that most of my money will willingly be spent on food--probably pastries.

We have about a month and a half to plan out as much of our trip as possible, knowing that our plans will change when we are actually there.

I am so happy to be returning to Europe and elated to be fulfilling my goal of more travel.

Online Dating - Change of Plans

2010-06-14T06:03:00.002-05:00

This week, I joined OkCupid. Yes, I’m starting to put myself out there—at least in the online dating world. I like the fact that there are more quirky men on the site and I find the tests and general layout more to my liking. Aside from the one person I’ve been emailing, POF has been a bust and I plan on removing my profile after one more week. I will probably remove my profile from Match as well.

I realize that my very short-lived online dating foray was the result of me panicking after turning 29 in May. I started to pressure myself to try to find love this year so that could, in fact, get married by 30 (that dreaded age, right?).

But now, I’ve calmed down. Thanks to the less than stellar options that I’ve seen on the dating sites (many older men, many uneducated/non-career focused men). I don’t think that I have unrealistic standards. But I don’t think it is picky to want to someone who is similar to me in the basics (values, ambition, financial security, career/life goals, etc). I don’t want to settle or waste my time. And I don't think I have to.

But what also changed my mind was chatting with my new mentor on the Hill. I told her about my concerns regarding whether I could be a successful, senior Hill staffer, with all the time demands that would entail—while also having a fulfilling personal life with a husband and kids. I mean, I barely have time for a personal life as a junior staffer. While she recognized that it depended on the office I worked for, if I had hired help, and whether my issues were “up” in a given year, she noted that many women are waiting to have kids these days and that it seems to work out for them. So instead of prior generations being all about their home life before, possibly, finding out that they want to pursue a career. Or the more recent generation of women seeking to have it all at the same time—and not quite achieving it without conflict and something failing (their marriage falling apart or their kids having to raise themselves). She noted that these days many women are seeking to first reach the pinnacle of their career before taking a break or slowing down to raise kids and then ramping back up when their kids are school age.

It may be silly but that reminder relieved so much pressure off my shoulders. I’ve been deeply concerned about my life plans ever since I turned 25 (the age when I was “supposed” to be married). And I often worried that my career drive and priorities was coming at the expense of ever having a family. But now I feel more secure about waiting until I am where I want to be professionally before I bring life into the world or adopt. My career is very important to me and I derive much of my personal value from work—as it is a way that I feel I am “making a difference.”

So, magically, I no longer feel under pressure to find someone this year or even the next. A male in my life would be nice but it isn’t a requirement for me to be happy and to feel complete. That’s something I need to achieve on my own.

So I’ll be on POF for another week and maybe OkCupid for a little while after that. Then, I’ll put away my online dating dreams—at least until I freak out again next year after turning 30.

Do get me wrong, I am still looking. But the pressure is off to find the true love this year or the next.

Online Dating - Nightmare on Privacy

2010-06-07T17:28:00.003-05:00

Last night, I had a horrible dream centering around Hannibal Lecter, with guest appearances by my male roommate (shirtless and glistening with sweat after a morning run, of course...). The plot of the nightmare centered around the lack of privacy of my online profile. Yes, very lame--except for the whole roommate part.

Needless to say, I woke up around 230 a.m. and immediately made changes to my online account. I created a new email address to handle the correspondence, scoured my descriptions for any possible TMI, and strengthened a handful of my web passwords.

It was a weird way for my subconscious to flag my anxiety about putting my picture on the web. Oddly enough, I didn’t wake up with nightsweats after posting pictures or info on Facebook—and we all know that FB has privacy issues.

Last night, I performed a google search of my name. I hate that my info shows up on those background check websites—as linked to my mother, sister, and even my father. Supposedly all the information out there is just compiled from public records—in addition to the stuff that I’ve put up (via work and on FB/MySpace). I can’t imagine anyway around it other than totally dropping off the grid, only paying cash, and living in cabin somewhere.

I will definitely continue to be mindful when the time comes to actually meet someone. I don't care to have any more nightmares about my online dating ventures. For a refresher, check out this site for a few tips about online dating safety.

Online Dating Update - Added a Picture

2010-06-06T16:01:00.003-05:00

Yes, it has been a while since my last post. Nothing major to report.

However, over the weekend, I created a profile on the free online dating site, Plenty of Fish. And I finally broke down today, and posted two pictures of myself. I don't think either picture really meets the recommended criteria for profile pictures put forth by Patty. I didn't add pictures of myself looking like my weekend casual self nor the glamed-up version that surfaces on special occasions. I choose two pictures somewhere in the middle, that show the real me on a good day.

I had resisted adding my picture to my online profile for months. Adding a picture makes it all so real. But I want to give it an honest try and I know that I won't find a guy who would want to date me purely from reading my clever profile description. Of course, I don't want the physical to be the main selling point as it is so fleeting. Yet, I can't deny that the physical is an important aspect of attraction--at least initial attraction. And I am just as interested in seeing the guy's picture as he is in seeing mine before initiating contact. Me promsing that I don't look like a troll just doesn't cut it.

It is amazing that online dating has become an accepted mode of finding a hookup as much as finding love. I don’t recall what changed to make it acceptable now. When I was in junior high, I remember Celestyn finding a guy via the internet. We were so worried for her, thinking that she’d end up meeting a pedophile instead of a 14-year-old guy. Back then, it was something new and a bit scary. Now, it can still be scary but it carries more promise and possibility.

Until the past few years, I pretty much relegated online dating to being a mode for folks who were too lazy, weird, socially inept, busy, etc to find dates the old fashion way: through mutual friends, at bars, via extracurricular activities. But now, I see that it is a great way to weed through some of the nonsense and game playing that you encounter at the bar scene and find guys who are just as interested in finding true love as you are. Sure, there are still a lot of frogs out there who will put up the facade of wanting a wife, when in reality they are looking to get in your pants in as few dates (and as little expense) as possible. And I still feel that the best way to find a guy is to revisit your social circles and ask friends to connect you with the single men they know. Coupled friends in particular are always keen to help a single buddy cross over.

But online dating—especially free online dating that has been endorsed by single friends—is worth a try. Depending how it goes, I might finally breakdown a pay for Match as well. But for now, I’m putting a few more toes in the water while I wait to be comfortable enough to just dive in.

Turned 29 in ATL

2010-05-10T14:34:00.004-05:00

I spent the last few days in Atlanta. I flew in last Wednesday to attend my mom and aunt's retirement parties--that were scheduled for Thursday and Tuesday. Thankfully, my kind boss recognized what an once-in-a-lifetime occasion it was and let me take a week off from work.

So I turned 29 in Atlanta. It was so odd to be in Atlanta for my birthday and mother's day. I haven't done such a thing since high school.

I can't believe that I'm 29 now. I am committed to making the most of the last year of my twenties. I am amazed by how far I have come emotionally since my early twenties. I didn't know who I was or what I wanted back then. I clung to Floyd, hid under my schoolwork and novels, and spent more time alone contemplating life than out living it. I want to live it now that I finally (mostly) know myself. And for me that means, tackling my bucket list for DC, spending time with new and old friends, and checking out the dating scene.

It is amazing how quickly time flies. Hanging with my high school buddies this weekend, reminiscing over the old days but also filling in each other on what we want, love, or need these days was good for me. My high school buddies knew me back when I wore a retainer, swore my eternal love for Jordy and Josh, and when I had my first kiss, and first car. I can only hope that we continue to get old with each other.

It was also good to spend quality time with my family—even answering the million questions that my mom and aunt always pepper me with. I know they just want to find out if I’m okay. I am. More than okay actually, thank God. I am fortunate to say that I have no complaints.

So, it’s been a nice escape from D.C. I still have another day that I plan to spend watching tv, hanging out with my mom, reading chick-lit, and listening to music. I needed to refresh my batteries and take the time to remember what is really important to me. Especially in D.C., when it is so easy to get caught in the beltway bubble, the harried lifestyle and semi-cutthroat world of Hill politico-wannabes, it is good to get a glimpse of your old life and ways. It makes you more appreciative for how far you’ve come and even more driven to accomplish all that you set out to do.

So, here’s to an amazing 29th year of important decisions and perhaps, a few setbacks--but mostly lifelong memories.

Going Fishing

2010-04-30T21:05:00.003-05:00

Now that time and great friends have given me perspective on my missed connection last Friday, I realize the real lesson I learned: I feel ready to date again.

For such a long time, the strings on my heart from Floyd kept me from truly thinking about any guy in that way. And it definitely kept me from wholeheartedly allowing myself to pursue or be pursued by guys. I must admit that I’m not 100% over my ex and that I will probably compare any new guy I meet to him--at least at first. But I no longer have a silly fantasy of one day getting back with my ex. He is a friend, and I hope he is always a friend, but I know that an “us” really isn’t possible. Our paths crossed for several years and I am stronger and wiser for it all. But now, I must reentered the dating world.

I am scared. I am afraid of men and of sex. I don't know if I can effectively navigate that world after so many years of being out of circulation. Added to that, all the horror stories about dates from hell and immature, commitmentphobe boy-men, and I am all ready to commit myself to a life of celibacy and singlehood before I've even given it a try.

Yet, I know from experience that there is nothing like being in love. And from what I've heard, there is nothing like committing yourself to and growing old with the one person you can't live without.

Yes, I think I'm ready. I'm going to order two dozen dating profile cards, as suggested by Heather and Organica (what do you think about these, chicas?), to help out when I've found a worthwhile connection.

The big test will be when I see Floyd this weekend. I hope that I can keep it together and not revert to my old self. Although we have talked on the phone, I haven't seen him since he visited last summer and told me that we were totally over. So much has changed in my life since then--and for the better.

So quite timid and just a bit jaded, I'll slowly let my guard down in hopes of finding the one I can truly love forever.

Missed Connections

2010-04-26T12:33:00.002-05:00

I apologize for dragging this topic out but I am still aggravated about Friday night. As you know, I posted a missed connection ad on Craigslist. I am aware that the rate of success from such posts is rather slim but I figured that it wouldn’t hurt to at least put it out there and let the universe decide. I like to think that I’ve racked up a fair amount of good karma over the years, so hopefully, the universe will reward me with the one thing I want the most right now: a second chance.

After I posted my ad, I started reading the other ads out there. There are so many. Most describe interactions that were brief and only on the surface. Others are a bit more bittersweet—about connecting with someone but subsequently, losing a phone number (and apparently not being able to find them on facebook).

I’d like to think that I fall in the bittersweet box. The more I think about it, the more I believe that I was provided the real deal, a high-quality, single male. Someone who was clearly interested in me. Someone who I was drawn to and felt safe with. But I don’t remember his full name, and I’m quite sure that I’ll never see him again. Yes, I am hopeful but I am also a realist.

I wonder how many people miss out on great loves because of circumstances that get in the way. I do believe in Fate and the idea that our life experiences are meant to teach us lessons. I also hope that the unresolved feelings I have about the guy I met will result in karmic déjà vu—and hopefully I’ll meet him again in this lifetime and not the next.

It is possible that the guy was just a mirage. A means to remind me of my deepest desires and goals. That I want to find my soul mate, the holy grail of dating: the “mind-blowing lover/life partner/best friend forever/father of my children/husband til death do us part”. Since Floyd and I split, I’ve sort of shut down and built extra walls around my heart. I immediately think the worse of any guy who tries to talk to me. Or worse, I immediately evaluate the guy in terms of the holy grail I am seeking. And that isn’t fair to the guy or myself.

So today, I am kicking myself still. In a week or two, I hope that I would have finished internalizing my faults and truly committed myself to being the confident, sassy chica around all the guys that I meet, even the ones I like.

Got No Game

2010-04-24T00:43:00.003-05:00

I am sitting up a little angry and a little disappointed in myself, and decided to post just to get this off my chest.

I need to work on not being shy and aloof around guys—especially the ones I like. I am so afraid of rejection and I lack the self-confidence when it comes to men to truly assert myself.

I’ve had countless talks with friends—especially Organica—about my need to get over it and just put myself out there. Sure, I’m shy but that doesn’t give me a pass to be an aloof wallflower for the rest of my life.

Tonight, I met a great guy. We talked and danced for quite some time. I later learned that he asked my friend about me, noting that he liked me but wasn’t getting a vibe of reciprocity from me.

I guess his interest was obvious but for some reason, I felt the need to reject him or push him away before he could do that to me. It wasn't intentional but it was the vibe I gave off and eventually, we parted.

It’s a warped expression of my sense of self-worth, distrustfulness, and attractiveness when it comes to guys. But I don’t know where it comes from. I like myself. And I’m a strong, confident woman most of the time. But whenever, I am around guys, especially funny, charming guys who like me, I falter and the self-conscious, unsure little girl in me comes out.

It’s something that I need to work on so that the next guy who comes along who appears to be the real deal and wants to get to know me, can get a fair chance.

In the meantime, I’ve posted a missed connection--one of my favorite pastimes from the college years. I know it won’t amount to anything. But putting it out on the web and into the cosmos, I hope will send something positive my way.

Regardless, I've learned my lesson. I can't let good guys get away or I'll end up alone (with a family of stray cats).

FDA to Address Salt

2010-04-20T08:33:00.001-05:00

I'm overjoyed by the latest news that FDA plans to limit amount of salt allowed in processed foods for health reasons. This blog's namesake comes from my concern with the amount of sodium in the foods I eat. I've always loved the taste of salt. I can remember eating table salt in small handfuls as a child and loading up on olives and pickles for that salty high. I look back in wonder that I don't have major medical problems now (especially after years of buttery grits+bacon breakfasts and cooking in cast iron skillet with fat drippings or butter. What a revolution it was when we first got a non-stick pan!). High blood pressure runs in my family, so, I recognize the need to adopt a low-sodium diet now instead of waiting until I'm older and years of salt excess starts to take its toll. I don't want to have to take blood pressure meds or take drastic dietary changes when I'm 40+ like the older members of my family. Now, I try to avoid cooking with salt and consuming processed foods that are loaded with it. But it can be hard.

Three cheers for FDA and NYC's initiative. Sure, it may seem like Big Brother is once again meddling in the minutiae of our lives. For the record, I don't have a problem with Big Brother. But when there is such an obesity and wellness crisis occurring in our country--especially among children, teenagers, and people of color, I don't have any problems with the government stepping in, in an attempt to help Americans become healthier and live longer.

"In Heat"

2010-04-19T19:38:00.001-05:00

Over the weekend, I found myself watching a handful of Patti Stanger's tip videos on Bravotv. I must say The Millionaire Matchmaker is a guilty pleasure. I love watching Patti interact with her clients and give out advice to the men and women she tries to match. I don't know if I agree with everything she says but I think she provides a no-holds-barred view of modern dating that may turn out to be very helpful to a dating novice like me. Yes, I've already requested her book from the library.

In one of the tip videos she recommended that women date three guys at once: one guy who may be a keeper, one guy you aren't sure about, and one guy who is a definite no but who you have a lot of fun with (think: a go-to escort for a theatre night, friend's wedding, work gathering, etc). Having all three helps to ensure that you always have options on a friday night if your first choice, "the keeper," isn't available. But, perhaps, most importantly, it ensures that you don't become a woman "in heat"--one who is dying for male attention--romantic or otherwise. I guess that is another way of saying that "having a pair plus a spare" helps you avoid giving off the desperation vibe.

That really hit home for me. I think I have a deficiency of male attention in my life. I have a few male friends at and outside of work, but I'm not even close to having even three candidates to fill the spots. And I can only imagine that helps to create or add to my "stay away" vibe.

I think it would be good to have a larger male perspective in my life. Having more male friends will help me become less nervous, eager, and neurotic around cute guys so that when the guy I really want comes along, I am cool, confident, calm and collected--and not the needy version of myself who jumps ahead to wedding bells.

But first, I have to stop feeling uneasy about adding males to the mix. And for that I need to see every guy as a potential friend and not automatically evaluate him as potential boyfriend/lover/husband material.

So no, I am not ready to date yet. But I am ready to meet some new men--as friends.

It looks like I will be joining a kickball league with an old friend. I think he and kickball will be just the ticket to adding to my repertoire.

What do you do?

2010-04-12T13:01:00.000-05:00

It is possibly the most commonly asked question in D.C. It is my old standby for starting conversations and keeping them going in social and professional settings. Only once, did someone call me out for asking it: “now that’s an annoying D.C. question.” But last week, at a Hill happy hour that question was taken to a whole new level.

I attended a happy hour with a friend and towards the end of the evening, we decided to say hello to someone we thought was in the same professional circle. The conversation started awkwardly and only got worse. We approached and said, “Hi.” He half-heartedly was asked, as if we were groupies, “What office do you work in?” We responded. His body language immediately changed, but only a little (my friend and I work in notable offices). The next question, “Are you interns?” I responded by laughing out loud and shaking my head, quite flattered that I could still pass for a naïve, idealistic intern when I know that I’m becoming a typical jaded, burned-out staffer. He pressed on, “What is your title?” I’ve never been asked that. We told him. He wasn’t impressed. The conversation sort of ended with awkward well-wishes as he turned away. I guess weren’t on “his level.”

First of all, I must admit that I have almost immediately discounted people based on where they work. I’m not proud of it, but some days, I’m so focused on making the “right” professional contact that I will immediately discount the Republicans I meet and even the non-Hill folks. But in reality, everyone you meet is a potential contact to help you gain access and information, not only about your job, but about DC, traveling abroad, rec. sports, an amazing tailor/restaurant, etc.
Also, this encounter reminded me of why I don’t like most guys on the Hill. They are often obnoxious, arrogant climbers who (yes even in the age of Madame Speaker and Madame Secretary) often don’t value women as professional power players. I am not necessarily proud of the professional superiority card I have played at Hill receptions when I’m feeling defensive or even smug. But I never feel the need to be purposefully rude.

My friend and I won’t ever forget our interaction with this guy. It was a good lesson for us both. It doesn’t necessarily matter where you are at any one moment. What matters is where you are going, what you do to get there, and how you treat others along the way.

Life

2010-04-02T10:01:00.001-05:00

This week, I attended the funeral of a friend’s father. It was a beautiful service and a perfect day. But it was also a hard day for me. Not only in seeing the pain and sadness in the faces of my friend and her family but also in being reminded of the funeral service of my own father.

I was struck most of all by the comment that her father told his family that he had no regrets in his life, that he had lived it fully. It can only hope that I can come to the end with such a mindset. I can’t say that I have any regrets (except for the unreasonable ones related to the last days of my dad’s life), but I can say that I haven’t lived my life to the fullest, at least not yet. There are so many places I want to live, so many things I want to do, and so many experiences I want to share with loved ones.

Life is so short. Tomorrow, even the next minute, are not promised. It is so easy to become engulfed in the day-to-day, the rat race of climbing the career/personal ladder, that you don’t stop and enjoy yourself and enjoy the moment. Enjoy the little things: the laughter of the little girl on the Metro, the soup made by a friend, waking up to the bright sun, etc. Appreciate the little things: you are alive, you have loving friends and family, you have already achieved a few life goals, you have a home, you feel safe.

Since the funeral, I have been trying to do just that. It might just be the warm weather and the fact that I am finally through with the season of mourning (Nov-March) that I’ve made a tradition. But I’m feeling better. I’m feeling calmer, hopeful and optimistic, even if a little antsy, about what is to come.

This is an important year for me. I want to be sure that I live it, always in the pursuit of inner peace and happiness – in whatever form I deem it to be.

Life is precious.

Carpe diem.

Loss

2010-03-25T11:41:00.003-05:00

I don’t think that I’ve ever talked about the death of my father on my blog, and it is a wonder that today I’m choosing to do so. A good friend of mine lost her father this week and a high school bff lost her mother just last summer. My father would have turned 63 at the beginning of this month. I agree with Kris in this post that the death of a parent has a profound impact on your life and that you sort of join a club. In my case, I’ve been a member of that club for over 16 years now.

And yet, everything I was feeling at that time and all the time afterwards are just as fresh and piercing as it was then. Thankfully, I no longer purposefully wear black on the day of his death and his birthday as I did in junior and high school. But the period from Christmas (when my sister and I were told he was sick) until early March (his birthday) continue to be the hardest time of the year for me. I’m definitely better than I was just a few years ago, but I don’t know if I will ever be able to wake up on Feb 19 (the date of death – just one day before my mother’s birthday, so I can only imagine what she feels) or March 5 (his birthday), without a piercing or dull ache of longing and sadness.

But I am proud of the progress I've made. In the last few years, I finally forgave the 12 year old me. I struggled for so many years to confront all of my conflicting emotions about how and when I was told my father was sick, the sort of denial I entered afterwards, not having the chance to say goodbye, the last time I saw him, the day the ambulance came to take him away, and the numbness I felt from that point on. It never really went away.

For years, I rarely talked about my father – the good times or the last months. And I think holding all that in has put a toll on me. Now, I will talk about my father with certain friendsa and on certain occassions. But not with my family for some reason. It is weird but I can't fully open up with my mother about it. The hurt is just too pure still. Indeed, I still need to see a counselor…

I know that I have baggage because of what happened and the way I chose to deal with it. I became a daddy’s girl without a daddy at the age of 12 – and I know my fear of abandonment, my insecurities, and my search for a “father figure” played out in my relationship with Floyd (and many other relationships for that matter).

That’s the unfortunate stuff that is still unresolved. But, I also know that the strong, independent, driven and success woman I am now would not have been without that whole experience. I sort of committed to taking the torch of achievement, experience, and growth that my father never had a chance to officially pass on. I know that he lives on through me and that he would be unbelievably proud (as is my mother) of the woman that I have become. I like to think that I’m kinder and more responsive to my mother and the rest of my family, especially as they get older.

And yet, what I wouldn’t give to have him back here and to relive (the “right” way) those last few weeks between when I was told and when he was gone. I forgive my mother, my father, and my 12 year old self; but there is a lifetime of grief that remains.

My recommendation to anyone dealing with grief is to talk to someone: a friend, a psychologist, family members, your priest/rabbi, etc. I have experienced and re-experienced all of the stages of grief identified by Kubler-Ross. It doesn't necessarily get easier with time but you learn to live with it and find ways to turn that grief into positive action and change in your life. You just have to be patient with yourself. And most of all take care of yourself.

The Red Derby

2010-03-10T19:42:00.001-05:00

Over the weekend, I went to the Red Derby with two high school buddies (Celestyn and Pharma). For the record it was a very beautiful and fun extended weekend of entertaining Celestyn.

I really like the Red Derby and since it is closer to my house than The Raven, it is more likely that I'll actually return. The cash only policy is annoying but the price is right on the mixed drinks, and they offer Strongbow (still looking for a place with it on draft). I wasn't too annoyed by the patrons and it was easy to score a seat. If only, it had a jukebox. Then, it would be closer to filling the void left when I moved away from Quarry House, the neighborhood divebar in Silver Spring.

So overall, it is a great neighborhood drink option for me. The only problem is being able to lure my friends away from the convenient and rowdy bars of Chinatown and U Street for the Red Derby experience.

First Take: Acting Class

2010-03-09T22:47:00.001-05:00

So now that I've had my first class and attended my first Actor's Center meeting, I am feeling even more like a hopeless novice.

For my acting class, we are to spend the upcoming few weeks working with a partner to develop and perfect our assigned dialogue and individually, to do the same with a self-selected monologue. I am excited by the prospects of this but more than anything overwhelmed. In reviewing and rereading my scene, I have become frustrated by the fact there seems to be an unlimited number of ways to say a word or phrase. My character could show her feelings in so many different ways and it is up to me (along with the cast and director) to hone in on my character's essence so that the lines ring true. And I find that daunting.

Part of our assignment this week is to come up with exploratory questions about our character and work on our scene based on the range of answers to those questions (without explicitly letting our partner know the answers). For example my scene is of me being dumped by a new lover. So I need to determine (based on the scene and the rest of the play), for example, how deeply my character feels toward her lover and if she might have baggage that might impact how she expresses herself. She can say "don't leave me" with varying degrees of desperation/conflict/sadness/remorse/relief in her voice and body language. Ultimately, I will have to decide what works best based on my interpretation of the play and how my partner interprets the play and delivers his lines. This makes the whole development process challenging but fun.

I am very happy that I signed up for the class. It has given me many interesting things to think about during the last week. And it is so nice to meet people who share my amateur interest in the craft.

Weekend Visitor

2010-03-05T17:04:00.002-05:00

One of my high school bff’s will be in-town starting tomorrow. I’m really looking forward to her visit, but I can’t think of anything cool to do. Last time she was here, I took her to watch the Capitol Fourth concert and fireworks, followed by a VIP reception. It’s hard to top that.

Thankfully, the weather is supposed to be nice all weekend so I’ll probably drag her down to the National Mall for a little sightseeing. I would love to take a tour bus around the city—while wearing a FBI sweatshirt, tube socks, and sneakers. Ugh…that reminds me that the start of the tourist season is only a few weeks away! My friend will probably want to check out one or two of the museums, and I think that we'd both enjoy going to the top of the Washington Monument. Tomorrow night, my plan is to take her to The Raven or The Red Derby (no, NOT Wonderland) for the neighborhood bar experience.

It is crazy that the only time that I truly take advantage of all that DC has to offer is when a family member or friend comes into town. I love my city, and I really should make a point of experiencing it beyond my normal work-home-errand route on a regular basis.

Wanted: A Personal Life

2010-02-27T11:07:00.001-05:00

What an insane week it has been! I think that I developed an ulcer from all the work and work-related stress that I was subject to. Thankfully, everything went very well--with only a few hiccups and letdowns.

This week forced me to get serious about two things - a) work truly consumes my life during the work week (forget any after work or lunchtime plans because I'll probably have to cancel); b) I must get a life outside of work to help me de-stress and find non-work fulfillment.

I've decided to cancel my $70 gym membership in favor of using that cash to pay for acting classes. The weather will get a bit more mild soon for outdoor exercise and I can always join the reasonably priced House gym if I get fat.

So my first acting class since college starts next week. I am so excited! I think that I should make a habit of rewarding and challenging myself with classes in acting and maybe even classes in music and communications/writing.

I love my job and my Hill bubble but there is a whole world and another life for me outside of work. I need to start living it!

Catchup

2010-02-15T21:10:00.001-05:00

Wow. It’s been awhile since my last entry. I am happy to report that all is well, though my life in the New Year hasn’t quite gone as planned. Mainly, I’m mad at myself for not taking my resolutions seriously. I thought my resolutions were simple enough: fitness, acting, and travel. In truth, my resolutions were about balance. For the past year, work has dominated my existence and I felt that challenging myself to do something new would go a long way towards giving me that elusive balance. Yet, I’ve slipped into my old ways. Working late many days and opting to unwind with a book or movie instead of at the gym or in an acting class.

But now, after a week off from work due to the snow, I’m recommitting myself to my resolutions. I’ve already chosen the acting class I will take starting in March and I’m devising a game plan to increase the likelihood that I will venture to the gym despite the coldness and darkness that is winter.

I’m really looking forward to the acting class. I took a class in high school and college and both were very memorable. I like the idea of doing something totally different and pushing myself out of my comfort zone. In a dream world, I could learn the craft well-enough to land parts on the stage or behind the camera. There is something so fascinating about the creative world, and I’ve always loved novels and plays. It should be refreshing to explore my creativity outside of my mind and room as it is when I read novels and write stories.

As a bonus, I hope to meet people outside of my Hill bubble. A friend and I were chatting over the weekend about how cutthroat the Hill can be. There is so much ambition up there and everywhere you look there is a line of people willing to do anything to land your job. And for someone like me for whom nepotism didn’t play a part in my ascent on the Hill, I have to work extra hard to maintain my position and ensure that I can continue to get ahead. So far, it’s working, but it will be refreshing to meet and hangout with more people who aren’t a part of that world.

An Amateur Writer's Frustration

2010-01-26T22:03:00.003-05:00

I’m back to working on my novel this month and I am frustrated more than anything else. While I find some of the inconsistencies in my writing amusing, I am troubled by the basics that I should have thought through before I began. For me, it is the basic of tense.

My novel is in the present tense. I don’t know that I chose it deliberately. It is just what felt right to me at the time. Back when I was a member of a writer’s group, someone pointed out that my story's tense was problematic. I ignored him, choosing to focus on getting my story written down instead of dealing with something as "insignificant" and "easily fixable" as tense. But now, I fear that may have been a bad decision.

I spent most of the night reading a variety of opinions on the drawbacks of using the present tense. There are instances of manuscripts being rejected for using present tense and of readers being turned off by a story in present tense. If not done expertly and with purpose, it can make a story read more like a screenplay than a novel. I think that is the problem with my story. I am writing a novel.

So I tried to rewrite the first few paragraph in past tense tonight, but it just didn’t work. Maybe it is the mark of an amateur writer but I can’t seem to set as vivid of a scene in past than present tense. I don’t mind using “he said” and “she said” in dialogue but I like the active presence of a scene described with the present tense.

I am frustrated but again, I value more expanding subplots and filling in holes than resolving problems with tense. I'll just leave it for the springtime or whenever I've finally reached 100,000 words. At that point, I'll be kicking myself yet again for not minding the basics.

Back from the Brink

2010-01-19T15:24:00.002-05:00

I almost died this weekend. Perhaps, that is an exaggeration but I blacked out at least twice on my way from the kitchen to my room early Saturday morning after the most unforgettable night of developing a "special relationship with my toilet" (thanks, A-M).

I’m blaming the almonds that my mother sent me though it could have easily been the peanut butter sandwich or veggie chili that I ate Friday. I’ve had food poisoning once before. It was about three years ago as a result of bad food/water at a work retreat in West Virginia. On that occasion, several people got sick. This time, it was just me. It was lonely not having anyone to commiserate with. Thankfully, I had just gone to the library and I was well-stocked with movies and books to comfort and distract me from my digestive tract. Floyd was a lifesaver as well.

A bruise on my shoulder, an almost healed-cut on my lip, and slight stomach unease are the only reminders of this weekend's unfortunate turn of events. I am still upset that all the glorious plans I had for this weekend were shattered. As part of my carpe diem in 2010 outlook, I had packed my weekend with an improv class, girl’s night, sleepover, volunteer opportunity, and NGA movie. Needless to say, I didn’t leave my house all weekend other than to crawl to the store for Gatorade.

I am thankful that I’m alive. I totally could have hit my head when I blacked out and fell (in the living room and on the stairs!). I was all very alarming. I am very thankful for all that my body does to protect me from harm. And even more thankful that it has the power to heal.

Normalcy Restored

2010-01-11T20:40:00.002-05:00

I'm feeling much better today. I was so disinterested at work on Thursday and Friday, spending most of my time researching flights back to Isla and other warm, far away places. My anxiety peaked Saturday night until I had a long talk with Floyd. Now I'm back in my routine and feeling more relaxed and upbeat about what another year in D.C. will bring.

My conversation with Floyd was a much needed reality check. He pointed to the flaw in me letting "arbitrary" deadlines dictate my life. When I was 18, I wanted to be married by 25, have a house by 28, and kid or two by 30. When I hit 25, I relunctantly pushed back the timeline by 5 years, and at 28, I've anxiously pushed the timeline back by 10. It's easier, perhaps, for Floyd as a guy to avoid thinking in such a way, as he isn't bound by a biological clock and the double-standard that he'll be perceived as more handsome with age while I'll just continue to wrinkle and sag.

But he is right about one thing. I need to do away with my anxiety about turning 30 - and the value that I place on what I have or haven't accomplished by then.

While I still stand ready to "carpe diem" this year, I am less anxious to drop out or run away to experience the exotic and new "before I get old". There are still opportunities and challenges left for me in D.C., and I should earnestly take another year to seek them out. So that when (if ever) the time comes for me to leave D.C., I can leave in peace and without regret.

New Year, New Resolutions

2010-01-09T23:27:00.004-05:00

Ah, this is my first post of the New Year. It is very probable that this will be my last year of blogging. I’ve been quite distracted by other things during the past year and I apologize for not blogging as regularly as I once did.

The holiday break passed well. I feel refreshed and relaxed though, perhaps, even more distracted than I was when I left.

Atlanta
I enjoyed hanging with my family and friends in Atlanta. It was the longest that I’ve been at home since I was in college. It is sad to recognize that I don’t plan on being home that much during the upcoming years. My life isn’t in Atlanta. Given my professional interest in federal policy, I have no reason to live in Atlanta. And I don't plan on moving home until my mother and aunt's age necessitates my presence. Thankfully, my mother accepts this and is content with my annual/semi-annual visits home--supporting my freedom to live where and how I choose.

Isla de Mujeres
I had a blast in Mexico with my friends. It was possibly one of the most restful and uplifting vacations I’ve ever had. The weather was milder than we had hoped it would be but that didn’t damper our spirits. The beach was beautiful, the food was great, and everyone was friendly. My friends and I made a pact to return to Isla before we turned 50, but I hope to return later this year—assuming that one of my friends heads back for the discounted scuba lessons that she was promised. Most importantly, the trip made me anxious for more international travel and recommitted me to visiting my friends in London.

D.C.
As you can imagine, it was quite a shock to return to the coldness that is DC after lounging on the beach. I returned to work anxious for my next vacation but more than that anxious for a decision about my life. A change will come this year. I’m itching for a new challenge and I’m feeling a little wary getting sucked further into the Hill and the security of having a satisfying federal job, when I long to live in NYC and abroad.

Today, I dug up my old Peace Corps papers. I don’t care to go through the application process again, at least not now. But I am toying with the idea (again) of working abroad in some capacity. This usurps my desire to act—though it does encourage me to make the most out of the next year in that regard, in addition to spending well my time in D.C. To this extent, I’ve created a list of goals for 2010 in addition to a bucket list on 43 Things. I hope that it will help me keep in sight my desires for the next twelve months in addition to my long-term wishes that often get buried in the day-to-day.

If I had my way, this year would be my last in D.C. and on the Hill. It just seems so odd and perhaps, unwise to want to dropout for a bit given the economy and the fact that hundreds, even thousands, of people would kill for my job. Not to mention the fact that I love my job and find it rewarding. And I love and am thankful for the life that I've been able to build in D.C. D.C. has treated me well and who knows what sort of disappointment awaits me in NYC, Miami, or abroad.

Yet, I can’t seem to fight for long the desire to challenge myself and to finish my twenties (16 months and counting til 30) with a bang. The most important thing for me always is to seek happiness and peace in whatever form I see fit. And that's what I will strive to do.

Leaving on a Jet Plane

2009-12-22T16:28:00.003-05:00

I’m headed to Atlanta tomorrow. I am looking forward to spending the next 1.5 weeks home. I can’t wait to see my friends and my family, sleep in my old bed, and take a bubble bath in my own bathroom. I hope that I’m not too bored, but it will be a major adjustment from being independent in the city to being car-dependent in the suburbs. I’ll have my novel to edit, some books to read, and a bicycle waiting for me--which should be plenty. Beside working on my novel, I am committed to getting a bit of exercise in before the big reveal in Mexico. Oh, to have my toes in white sand and to feel a salty breeze in my face.

Isla de Mujeres – the destination of my first trip in 2010 – looks like paradise from all the pictures. I’m packing a little light reading, Pride and Prejudice (!), but my real goals are to get a massage on the beach, do some sunset yoga, eat lots of Mexican food, and daydream. I'm going for my friend's 30th birthday. Perhaps, I should also celebrate my 30th in a big way (thankfully, I still have 1.5 years).

Although I’ve had a fair break during the past month due to all the vacation days I’ve been using, I still crave quality time away from the hustle and bustle of DC and the near-constant buzzing of my blackberry. And, it’ll be nice to get away from my roommates (especially the subltetter and the infamous mouse family). I will miss Gray Cat, and I hope s/he hangs on until I return.

A Pat on the Back

2009-12-20T23:34:00.004-05:00

I started working on a chick-lit novel during the fall of 2007. I am happy to say that tonight I finished the first draft. It's almost 34,000 words--about half of which were added during the past month.

I don't know how I feel about the story at this point. It is silly, simple, and purposeless in many ways. But that is how I feel about most chick-lit. If you are lucky, you come across a book that gives you a gem of wisdom about life. But mostly, it is a marvelous, often mindless, diversion from the everyday.

Regardless of how meaningful or meaningless my story is, I am proud that I followed through and finally finished it. That is something I can celebrate, even if it languishes on my thumbdrive for eternity.

I have two more weeks to add at least another 60,000 words of descriptions, backstory, and dialogue. And I want to strengthen the hook. That is certainly a "heavy lift" but I'm thinking that it will be a fun and rewarding challenge.

Vampire Romance

2009-12-17T21:26:00.002-05:00

I'm pretty good at making excuses. I've been too busy this year to write frequent posts, too lazy to work on my bye-bye arms, and too poor to travel beyond ATL. But I think my excuse for not being on track for finishing a draft of my novel by the end of the year is valid.

As I was swept away by the Twilight saga, I have be taken in by the Sookie Stackhouse series. Once skeptical and condescending, I am now a convert and undeniably hooked. The series is just so fun. It is entertaining with a fine mix of mystery, the supernatural, comedy, and romance. I tell myself that I am doing research for my book. While it true that I am getting ideas from the author--especially from how she has developed the characters and her style during the series, that is no excuse for choosing (most nights) to read instead of write.

I must write. I have about 3 weeks to finish the final two scenes before going back and to add fluff and fill out the back story. I guess that is the fun part but right now, nothing is more fun than finding out if Sookie ends up with Eric, Bill, Quinn, or someone else. I can only hope to develop my story and style so that readers can have an escape and an expression that is just as satisfying.

I simply must finish because my new year's creative resolution of acting awaits. I just hope that I don't get sidetracked by the other series I've heard about, Anita Blake. I love that I'm slightly branching out in terms of genres but I realize that at some point I will have to return to the classics, my home.

A shout-out to Organica for reminding me I have readers who enjoy the distraction that is my blog as much as I do.

Subletters Suck

2009-12-03T14:11:00.000-05:00

My roommate, who will be out of town for work and vacation all of December, decided to get a subletter for her room. I was fine with her getting a subletter and very hands-off during her search process. I figured that it would only be for one month and as long as the person didn’t steal our stuff or trash the house, I could live with whoever she chose. Boy, was I wrong.

It’s only been a few days, but I am itching for our subletter to leave. I don’t know why he irks me so much. It’s probably the fact that he’s interrupted the house’s routine—my routine. No longer can I come home from work to a quiet house before my other roommates make it home around 730. He’s always there. No longer can I sit in front of the cable TV and eat my dinner. He’s always there watching basketball. Tuesday and yesterday, I asked for his help in picking up the mouse traps. He declined. I’m proud that I was able successfully got rid of the smashed critter on my own but I was furiously puzzled that he wasn’t helpful. Isn’t that what males do for squeamish females like me?

I also find him weird. On the first two nights, I tried to make small talk. It was so awkward that I eventually gave up. I’m not the most sociable person out there, so I won’t talk just for the sake of making you feel comfortable and welcome if you are not taking the bait.

He and my other male roommate seem to get along fine. So it’s just me with the problem (per usual…).

I am a creature of habit and familiarity. Anything or anyone that diverges from my sense of normalcy tends to be instantly disliked, distrusted, and even hated (I’ll comment my reaction to my new workmates some other time). I’ve already started counting down the days until he departs and my old roommate returns. I hope that I am able to keep my cool and my distance until them.

"Take a chance you stupid…"

2009-11-28T14:26:00.002-05:00

I’m going to take control in 2010 and start following my dreams. That’s my resolution. For the past year, I’ve been safe, preparing and being inspired. Now, it’s time to gamble a bit.

The less risky form that my resolution will take is to travel more. I already have a short trip to Mexico scheduled for early January, and I am committed to visiting two friends on their own turf in MA and NC. And of course, there is the trip to London and beyond that I keep talking about.

The potentially riskier dream that has only recently entered my crazy head is acting. As you know, I’ve been looking for a creative outlet and I think that acting is the right fit for me. On a side note, I’ve decided that I will finish a first draft of my novel by the end of the year, so that I can wholly commit creatively to acting.

I’ve already check out a book from the library (!) and talked to a coworker who is an experienced actor. I want to give it a serious try so I’m going to divert some of my savings to getting headshots and to taking a few acting classes (starting with the Actor's Center). I’ve always wanted to be an extra and I think that I should give actual acting a try as well. It will be a diverting hobby that, with a lot of hard work and a little luck, could lead to something even more fulfilling than I could ever imagine.

I know that it is a pipe dream to even begin to think that I could be a real actress. I don’t know if I have any real talent. And I know that thousands of people enroll in classes or move to LA and NYC every year in hopes of becoming the next big thing. What makes me any different? Perhaps, nothing. But why not throw my hat in the ring—or at least train as if I would? Now, I don’t plan on quitting my day job and moving to LA. But I think that this new path will lead to a lot of interesting experiences and stories that I’ll be able to share when I’m a content soccer mom.

I look forward to telling my mom over the holidays that I want to be an actress after months of appearing set on my current career track. The conversation should be sort of like when I said I was going to quit my secure nonprofit job to join the Peace Corps. I know that she will ultimately be supportive but it will be interesting to see how she reacts to yet another of my revelations. It’s crazy that I’ve become increasingly flighty with age. I was always the dependable, straight-laced daughter who had everything planned out. Now that I’m older and recognize that life is a bit more random, I want to take advantage of my youth and freedom to be selfish and pursue a few of my child-hood/ish dreams.

Satisfied

2009-11-21T17:05:00.003-05:00

I saw New Moon today, and I can't help but feel happy. I enjoyed the movie as did my friend--probably the only person out there who hasn't read the books but L-O-V-E loves the movies.

The audience was mainly comprised of teenage girls but there were a few 20-something couples and girlfriend pairs in the mix. The previews reflected the intended audience of the movie (a vampire flix, a robpat flix and a bunch about romance)--which made me squirm (gosh, I'm too old for this, right?). The twihards in the crowd were entertaining with their gasps, giggles, and groans. At times, like when Rob and shirt less Taylor first appeared, I wanted to join them.

Of course, there were moments when the movie was a little too forced and Rob's, Kristen's, Taylor's acting came up a bit short. But overall, the acting, script and direction was much better than in the first movie. I loved the actor who played Aro. He was great. It is so interesting how one can capture (or try to capture) the essence of a character that is limitedly written on paper.

This brings up my latest resolution. I want to try my hand at acting. I only took one acting class in high school and in college, but I guess I've always loved or at least was always fascinated by the performing arts. I can't sing or dance but maybe I can act.

If nothing else, it will push me out of my comfort zone and provide the creative outlet that I've been craving now that I've taken a vacation from writing a book. I just feel that I might have something to share.

We'll see how that goes. It is just a silly idea now but I hope that with the right knowledge, practice, and opportunities, my creative side will finally have a chance to be shared.

WaPost on Twihards

2009-11-19T09:54:00.001-05:00

Ah, this WaPost article captures how I truly feel about the Twilight saga.

I'm almost done re-reading book three. Then, it is on to book four, rewatching Twilight the movie, and finally, watching the new movie, New Moon... Hopefully, at that point the obsession will subside--at least until the next movie comes out this summer.

On a side note, I am smitten with Rob Pattinson. I actually found myself giggling when he was on the Today show this morning. Goodness, this series really has made me revert into a teenage girl.

Of course, I realize that I'm way too old for such a silly celebrity crush. But, I find him fascinating and disarming. I guess I haven't felt that way about a celebrity since the days of Jared Leto as Jordan Catellano. It's a little refreshing.

Mouse Saga Sidebar

2009-11-16T15:54:00.003-05:00

Last night was better in terms of the mouse situation because a) I was exhausted; b) all my roommates were home and making noise; and c) I've learned how to sleep with the lights and Univision on.

Here is something a friend sent me that made me laugh. Perhaps, this could be considered a humane mouse trap or at least a more respectful one.

Mouse update

2009-11-15T11:50:00.001-05:00

I have officially lost my mind. I did not sleep last night. Whenever I would finally get settled, I would hear fidgetting in the corner of my room and jump up in alarm and grab something to throw. My mom told me to block the possible hole behind the radiator to bar the mouse's reentry. Unfortunately, that probably just trapped him in my room and made him freak out more.

By 3 am I gave up on sleep. I turned on all the lights (cfls, but still an inexcusable global warming impact) and the television. To distract myself, I did more mouse research followed by a quick kayak search of hotel rates. Unbelievably, I managed to stay up until 6 by watching univision and looking a clothes online (though I was derangedly jumping at every noise and shadow I sensed). Then, I finally calmed down and there was no more rustling. By 7, my roommate was up making noise and I was able to drift off to sleep before my alarm woke me up 30 minutes later.

As you can imagine, I'm tired and in a sour mood. I spent the morning inspecting the corners of my room and cleaning the kitchen (where mice definitely frequent). I am off to find traps for my room now and I am debating whether I will attempt another night of craziness (maybe I should buy ear plugs--though I guess that wouldn't curb my mouse dreams). Or I will request a corner in Shimmy-Shimmy house. Or I will break down and get a hotel room like my mother advised (she's even ready to come up and move me into a new place). I love my home but I am a wreck. That is unacceptable. I doubt sleeping on a friend's floor or a fluffy hotel bed will give me any peace of mind when I know that a mouse/mice are moving into my sanctuary.

Mice

2009-11-13T21:09:00.003-05:00

Here I am sitting in my room afraid to turn off the lights, afraid of bedtime, afraid of quiet. I wish I was on my way to NC tonight (sorry A-M!).

I knew that it was only a matter of time. It's getting cooler outside and my housemates and I have been so busy that we've been less than careful about scrubbing down the counters and sweeping the floors. That is no excuse, but it is an explanation.

So, my house officially has a mouse problem. An exterminator came on Wednesday and noted that he found myriad holes near our house. He said that there was recently a major extermination a few houses down. I guess the whole family packed up and moved in. He said he didn't want to do anything until he talked to our landlady because it would be a major job ($$$). That made me worry but it wasn't unexpected.

For a while, I've heard scurrying between the walls. I thought that I was going crazy but it has woken me up on several occasions (horrid nightmares!). Finally, my roommate heard them as well. Now, I am certain of what I hear: a metal door (?) opening and closing, followed by scurrying in the walls in my room and in the ceiling. I can only imagine that one day the ceiling will fall, revealing a thousand beady eyes.

I saw a mouse in the kitchen earlier this week and now I fear that its cousin is in my bedroom. Although I cleaned my room earlier this week, I left a slightly exposed bar of chocolate out last night. I didn't wrap it as carefully as I should have given that our place is probably a multi-mouse family home. Today, I found my beautiful Ghirardelli Midnight Delight gnawed at the end. Gross. I believe that it came through the hole behind the radiator. Given all that I've read on the web about mice, it doesn't seem like much can deter them. They can squeeze into spaces a quarter of an inch wide, leap into the air, and crawl up vertical spaces. No wonder it was able to get at the delectable treat on my nightstand.

I am tempted to crash at a friend's house or check into a hotel tonight. If only Gray Cat wasn't the carrier of an unknown infection, he'd be sitting right next to me right now. I am utterly grossed out, afraid, and angry at myself. If only I had wrapped that chocolate bar last night. I've broken my no-food-in-the-bedroom rule over the past months and now I am facing the consequences. My roommates eat in their rooms, but they've never reported any problems. Just me.

At the same time, this problem is a whole house problem. We've had mice in the kitchen since I arrived and my landlady recalled an infestation years ago owing to the basement tenant's storage of many bags of dry dog food.

So why the fuck is our landlady taking so long about hiring someone to destroy every creature that has more than two legs in our house (especially now that the exterminator expects a major infestation)? I believe in humane killing but in this situation--where I know a successful extermination in our house will merely result in emigration to a neighbor's house--I say bring on the poison. Kill them all.

Okay, now back to making lots of noise and debating whether I should sleep on my futon or a friend's floor. The problem is that I can't sleep on someone's floor or in a hotel until my landlady finally decides to hire an exterminator and he is able to work his magic on them.

Ugh.

Chill-ax

2009-11-12T10:45:00.001-05:00

Today is the last day of my self-imposed house arrest. I have been so tired and overwhelmed about work and I figured that this recess week was a good time to take some deserved days off.

It has been a great vacation from work and worries. I caught up on sleep, did countless loads of laundry, cleaned my room, watched movies, danced to too loud music, finally made mexican food, and read a lot (mainly twilight again).

I am a bit restless to return to work and that routine. I really do like my job and the people I get to work with even if there is a tendency for burnout.

I think I will take more random days off in december. It is always good to recharge your batteries and take time off to just be yourself. It's something that I hadn't done in awhile, and that I hope to do more regularly now.

Twi-hard?

2009-11-05T13:38:00.003-05:00

Last night, I finished the last book in the Twilight series. Reading the books has consumed my life during the past two weeks. I shunned outside activities, stayed up late and woke up early almost everyday just so that I could read a few more pages. I put aside the disturbing but equally captivating book that I had been reading, The Picture of Dorian Gray. As soon as I am able to move forward from my lingering thoughts and unresolved questions about the Twilight story, I shall return to Dorian Gray. I just wonder when and if my brain will be able to move from Twilight.

It is funny that just as I shunned Harry Potter for years, I was reluctant to read Twilight. But as I was doubtful that a "kids book about wizards" would be able to truly capture me, I was doubtful that a silly teeny-bopper, fantasy book would even come close to having the beauty and complexity of my favorite Austen and Hardy classics. But something—a combination of being hooked on the CW’s rather tame Vampire Diaries and the encouragement of friends—convinced me to start reading the books. I am so happy that I did.

I am in love with the story of Twilight. Sure, it may never be as close to my heart as Persuasion. But, something about the idea of love, true love, being the purpose for and quest of your life has filled me with joy. I was engaged by the love story, by the conflict, and by the supernatural world Stephenie Meyer created. Of course, like many, I cringed at the incomplete editing and other flaws that appeared in the book (It was interesting to watch how her writing and voice became stronger over the series). But after the first few chapters, it no longer mattered. The story had a way of sucking me in and making me anxious to discover the resolution of Bella’s story and in an odd way, it charged me to find resolution in my own life.

This means that it made me think a lot about Floyd. Wondering if Floyd is my Edward, my true love. But I’ll save that for anther day. As I will also think later about how the book and Meyer’s somewhat unplanned ascent to authorhood has inspired me to write again. I’m not so deranged to think that a beloved story of my own will come in a dream, but I am excited about the possibility that I, too, could create characters and a story as vivid and satisfying.

For now, I give two thumbs up for the Twilight saga. It is intoxicating, frightening, and enjoyable. I look forward to reading the books again, less anxiously, so that I can have an even greater appreciation and understanding of how the author was able to weave such a beautiful story. So though, I’m not quite a Twi-hard, I am deeply reverent of how her story has moved me.

Balvenie Tasting

2009-10-30T11:51:00.002-05:00

I believe that I shared my experiences at Johnny Walker and Macallen tasting events on this blog, so it is only fitting that I report back on the Balvenie tasting I attended this week with G.F.A. (We miss you A-M!). The tasting was intended to celebrate the new 17-year Madeira. It was held at PS7, a hip restaurant in Chinatown that I vaguely remember going to for dinner a few months ago. But I’m thinking that the experience/food wasn’t that memorable as I only remember a good salad and an odd desert.

First of all, let me complain about the venue. I don’t know who planned the event but they definitely need some lessons on fire code. I felt like a cow in a pen as they didn’t seem to have a strict rsvp or guest policy and instead opted to pack as many people into the inadequate room that they reserved for the event.

The tasting itself was pleasurable. I got to taste many of the hors d’oeuvres (pumpkin soup and lobster torchon!) that were paired with the 4 types of Balvenie scotch that freely flow at the different stations. I actually didn’t enjoy the Madiera-17, preferring the 15-wooden cask that supposedly had a higher alcohol count. Regardless, I was pretty drunk by the end of the night so G.F.A. and I headed to Five Guys to absorb all the scotch we imbibed.

That night, I also stole for the first time. It is shameful, I know. But I was set on getting a token for A-M. At all the other events, a memento pin (Johnny Walker) or glass (Macallen) was provided to the participants. So, I lifted one of the Balvenie-inscribed glasses. Hopefully, all the good karma points I’ve racked up over the years will spare me from any repercussions.

I was a great experience. I am still not sold on whiskey but after attending three events (and hearing all about its glorious wonders and history), I finally do have a greater appreciation of the dark liquor.

Mellon Collie

2009-10-26T12:14:00.003-05:00

It was a good weekend highlighted by the acceptance of my sense of melancholy. The approaching winter and its cold temperatures and shorter days always has a way of dampening my spirits but I sense that my melancholy is also due to my anxiety about my direction in life and more acutely, my work-life balance. I blame it on Floyd, of course.

I was sad but oddly euphoric this summer after being freed from our relationship rollercoaster. It was exhilarating to be single and a little selfish. That lasted until now. Now, I’m feeling lonely and a little lost. And the distraction of work—instead of adding to my sense of direction, meaning and worth (as it once did) has begun to slowly feel like another shackle I must break free.

Over the weekend, in chatting with a bubbly Organica, the reality of my outlook became apparent. The question now is if I am ready to do something about it or if I’ve entered yet another “dark” phase in my life—similar to the one I experienced during most of my college years of trying to find myself.

It is amazing that one can feel at the top of her career and personal life for months, only to have everything change in the next. More than ever, I need inspiration and an outlet. Writing no longer thrills me so I’m thinking about ballroom dancing or taking up an instrument.

Of course, I also need to reevaluate my life plans as they are the real culprit. It is a possibility that I will disregard my Administration hopes in favor of a radical change. That would mean no more DC but the fulfillment of my lifelong goal of living in NYC and abroad. Doing what, I have no idea but I at least have money saved (for a down payment…) that could be tapped for this venture. Leaving is probably the most foolish thing I could do right now given the economy and my career trajectory. But I can’t seem to ignore any longer the nagging feeling that now is the time to fulfill a few more of my personal dreams.

I must remember to breathe as I've done this before. Only last year I left the secure world of nonprofits for a low-paying, unknown Hill job just so that I could check it off my DC-list before heading to the Peace Corps. I've had an amazing year because of that decision and I'd imagine that pushing myself again to do something totally different will also reward me with new experiences, friends, knowledge, and memories.

Tengo Frio

2009-10-16T13:32:00.001-05:00

So here is the prerequisite whiny blog about the changing weather. I feel that I’ve spent way too many entries over the years complaining—about the weather, my love life (or lack thereof), my annoying roommates, etc. But where else would I complain if not on my blog? So here goes:

It is so cold outside! Where did the fall and its gradual cooling go? I’ve added a new layer to my bed each night this week and I’m thinking about digging up my thermals for this weekend. My shared house is so drafty and I don’t think that we plan on activating the radiator just yet.

After years of complaining about the winter and promising that I wouldn’t spend another year in DC, here I am again. I should either stop complaining and accept that if I want to live and work in the land of federal policy opportunity, I have to deal with being cold. Or I can finally move to Miami. Then, I’d have beautifully warm/hot weather all year long. Hurricanes are nothing as long as I don’t have to face months of cold, windy and damp walks home from the metro in the dark (you know the sun sets by 5 pm around December).

So this marks the end of my social life until the spring. I rarely leave my house after sunset when it is cold. It was a good summer and spring and I look forward to peeling off the layers and applying only one, thin layer of lotion in a mere 6 months.

For all you Northerners and winter-lovers out there, say what you will. I am from the South and anything below 70-75 degrees is chilly.

Dandiya Raas

2009-10-13T15:27:00.000-05:00

I had a delightful weekend—which might explain the blahs I’m feeling today. The highlight was definitely attending a Dandiya Raas dance at GW. I was a bit reluctant to accept my friend’s invitation to join her and her friends. I have begun to eschew public dancing (in the absence of liquor) as I have gotten more self-conscious with age. But her enthusiasm, along with her reiterated promise that a certain individual would be in attendance, changed my mind. It didn’t hurt that she promised each of us a tradition Indian dress to wear.

I wore an intricately beaded, red tunic that was paired with a floor length, full shirt. It was beautiful—and heavy. I think wearing the outfit put me in the mood because I danced most of the night. There were so many beautiful, colorful outfits. Everyone seemed to sparkle and shine. First, we danced the 5-step and 12-step with dandiya sticks (which my friend taught us with large kitchen spoons before we left her house). Then, there was about an hour of free-style dancing which was also fun.

It was definitely an experience that I will never forget, and I hope that I get to do it again soon.

A Mouse

2009-10-07T12:04:00.003-05:00

I don’t recall if I’ve shared my experience with critters in my new place. My last shared house did not have many critter issues. My new place does. It’s an old house. Plus, it is probably our fault given that we like to keep certain windows open and the front and back door open to create an indoor breeze.

Regardless, this week, I got my first glimpse of the mini-mouse (No, not Minnie Mouse. That would be cool) that inhabits our kitchen. When I first moved in, my roommates warned me that there had been mouse sightings in the kitchen. So, I was prepared to keep things clean and make a lot of noise in the kitchen to keep it at bay. It worked until this week.

I was washing dishes at the sink—grooving along to Beyonce or whatever was playing on the radio, when a tiny mouse appeared at the sink. I screamed bloody murder and froze as it quickly scurried behind the faucet and made for the crack between the counter and the oven. I’ve seen street rats and dead mice before, but never a live mouse. It was cute, I guess. But it has to go. (The only exception to my “no critters in the house rule” is for spiders because they tend to keep everything else away.)

Last night, my roommate set a humane trap for the mouse and volunteered to release it whenever it is caught. I do believe in animal rights but I prefer the old-fashion trap. It’s cheap and allows for a quicker death—compared to awful glue traps or environmentally unsound poison. Plus, isn’t it less humane to release it into our neighborhood which is teaming with stray cats, fast cars, and unknown food supplies? And, I’m sure that there is a mouse family leaving there. So we’re basically kidnapping the breadwinner and leaving the babies to die from starvation. Or worse, a new family will move in. I’m tempted to invite gray cat into the house to take care of it as that seems like the most natural end. But first, I need to resolve gray cat’s unidentified health issues.

Dual Monitors

2009-10-02T15:00:00.001-05:00

I almost feel like I belong on Wall Street. I got a second monitor added to my computer this week, after months of hesitation. I doubted that a slight increase in productivity was really worth less desk space.

Although it is taking me a while to get use to having documents open on two different screens, I love having my email inbox permanent displayed while I pursue tasks on the other monitor. Plus it’s great for when I’m editing multiple documents or accessing a remote computer.

I’ll report back on whether my productivity has actually increased. But as of Day 2, I’m totally sold.

The Cats

2009-09-30T16:06:00.003-05:00

Monday evening was almost out of a Hitchcock film. I arrived home a little later than normal. I checked for Gray Cat but didn’t see him. So I decided to put out some food anyway, knowing that he’d always had a way of showing up a few minutes after I or my roommate came home.

Soon after pouring the normal serving of Iams (yes, after consulting with Celestyn, I was guilted into buying the “nicer” stuff), a white and brown cat that I’ve never seen before appeared on the porch. I shrugged and let him at the dish, figuring that enough would be left for the Gray Cat. An hour or so later, my roommate came home and commented that two cats (including Gray Cat) were on the porch looking for food. I told her that I already put food out and went to the door to check the situation for myself.

I found three cats at the front door looking in at me through the glass. At first, I was moved---they really are cute in a scraggly sort of way. But then, when I saw another cat walking onto the porch I started to freak out. It was a little too reminiscent of “The Birds.” A row of cats looking through the glass door while at least one other cat paced behind them.

I am heartless. Ignoring their expectant, hungry stares, I turned the lights out and went upstairs.

I couldn’t imagine filling a single bowl with food to be shared by four or more hungry cats. Plus, I don’t like the idea of feeding every stray in my ‘hood. I just don’t have the money to buy that much cat food. Plus, I don’t think that my neighbors or roommates would appreciate it if I turned our front porch into stray cat central.

So, I will continue to feed and take care of Gray Cat. I will probably even take him to the vet soon as he seems sick. But I can’t go out of my way to help out the others. It is sad that there are so many stray and feral cats in my area. I can only hope that the other houses in my neighborhood are continuing to feed them and that organizations like Alley Cat Allies continue to exist.

Four Eyes

2009-09-20T15:32:00.001-05:00

This morning my glasses finally broke. The left arm fell off and it has nothing to do with the screw--which means I can't attempt a tape job as before. After consulting with my eyeglass place and a repair shop, it is certain that they can't be fixed without shelling out $70. That almost how much they cost with my insurance. I must purchase a new pair.

I hate shopping for glasses. It truly takes me multiple, repeat visits to various eye glass places until I find a pair that is similar to the old pair

It's an important purchase because it's the one thing (beside my hairstyle...) that I wear everyday. It is also my only regular accessory and fashion statement.

I want dark brown frames with a subtle 1950s cat-eye, basically a new version of the glasses I have now. But of course the brand/style I have is no longer carried and I am forced (as I am every two years) to try on a hundred pairs until I resign myself to the pair I sorta like and eventually come to love.

Please wish me luck and great speed with my search. My eyes and bridge are already unhappy with my super-old pair.

Back in D.C.

2009-09-16T19:03:00.001-05:00

I am back to my routine in D.C. I had a really great time in Atlanta. I am very glad that I went home as I was reminded of the importance of putting family and friends first--something I haven't been doing much of lately.

The ride down to ATL was eventless but I enjoyed spending time with my high school buddy and his wife. I definitely plan to spend some time with them, especially as they live only a few blocks away from me.

As expected, my friend's mom's funeral service was heartbreaking. It was a little nontraditional as there weren't any religious references and the time was spent with folks sharing stories and memories. It was simple, moving, informal and classy. It was the sort of service that I want when it is my time.

The rest of the weekend was spent hanging out with my friend and the rest of the gang. It was a lovely, unplanned reunion that reminded all of us of how much we love, care and support each other.

As a special bonus, I also got to see my grandmother--who is still recovering from a series of minor heart attacks this year. She'll be 91 next month.

Family and friends. It's something that an independent-antisocial Hippo tends to take for granted. I think that might finally change.

Unplanned Reunion

2009-09-10T17:51:00.002-05:00

Tomorrow, I am going home to spend time with my friends and family. Last weekend, the mother of one of my best friends from high school died. Our little circle is making the pilgrimage to be there for her.

It is crazy how funerals can bring people together. Many of us haven't hung out together since college, or even high school. But we will all be there this weekend to support our friend. I guess it is a testament to the strength of the bonds we formed.

The death of my friend's mom reminds me of the death of my own father and the death of another of our friend's mother. It is natural for a child to bury a parent but it seems unscripted for a parent to die relatively young, i.e., before meeting their grandkids.

I can't wait to go home and give all my friends and family members a hug. I particularly want to embrace my friend and help her deal with her lost (by getting drunk and pigging out on greasy food). This is one of life's unavoidable milestones and I can only hope that my friend is able to move forward.

Summertime

2009-09-05T17:39:00.001-05:00

I can't believe the summer is nearly over. I am so amazed by how busy, stressful, productive and fun this summer has been. I think that I have made great progress in dealing with life post-Floyd (though I hope our conversation a few days ago hasn't set me back. He--or perhaps, we--has a way of planting seeds that find a way to haunt later.)

I am keen on finishing up this year the right way. I had dinner with Chatty-Chica a few days ago and she recommended that I create a year plan, a sort of bucket list, to ensure that I accomplish my short term goals--like riding to the top of the Washington Monument during the extended summer hours. It took me 9 years to take the elevator to the top (partly the fault of the renovation...) and I would hate to wait another 9 years before I got around to a trip at night.

My other, more significant goals include traveling. There is a January Mexico girls' trip in the works right now, and I think A-M and I are still aiming for Europe next summer. Other items include connecting with old friends, volunteering every month in my hood, working on my downward dog, seeing at least one show a season at the kennedy center or equivalent, and surpassing 20,000 words in my novel.

I plan on writing out my list this weekend, signing it and treating it like a contract. I am tired of putting off or not taking time for those certain things that I really enjoy but rarely have the time for. I feel that this is the perfect time for reevaluating the direction and wealth of my personal life and doing all I can to make it balanced and thereby, more fulfilling. Yes, this is possibly a part of the "almost 30 panic," but regardless it is still a Hippo Q. sort of thing to do.

Little Terrors

2009-08-31T20:44:00.005-05:00

I guess it makes me an old fogy, but I don’t understand kids today.

Tonight, I sat on my front porch, enjoying the cool night air and waiting for “Gray Cat” to arrive. There were a trio of teenagers across the street playing/terrorizing a dog and eventually they started standing on one of the cars. At first, I figured the dog got lose and they wanted to get out the way. But when they kept jumping on and off the car's hood and roof and then, doing the same to my neighbor's car, I decided to step in and give them a piece of my mind.

I don’t know on what planet it is okay to jump on someone’s car. Again, I would totally understand it if you were being chased by a rabid dog, but seriously, wtf. I find myself saying that a lot when I stroll around my neighborhood. The teenage girls with their baby strollers drive me absolutely crazy. These kids need a reality check. I’d prefer it to come from a stern grandmother/older sibling/teacher, but instead it often comes from a brush with death, jail time or the reality of providing for a child when you are child.

First, let me say that the immaturity and delusionment extends beyond my DC hood. It is in suburban NoVA and MD, just in a different form.

I am tired of rolling my eyes at the ignorance and bad choices of the kids in my neighborhood and elsewhere. Seeing their excess, disregard and ignorance makes me wonder if the future as suggested by “Idiocracy” really is a possibility.

Of course, I blame the parents for indulging/ignoring their kids. But I recognize that "it takes a village" to ensure that a child stays on the right path. Tonight was a reminder that I simply must start volunteering with kids again. And it called to mind the old Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes' line:

The world won't get no better if we just let it be
The world won't get no better we gotta change it yeah, just you and me.

TGIF

2009-08-28T19:42:00.002-05:00

I’m feeling so blah today. I blame it on the weather and the fact that I haven’t had a real August recess. In fact, it’s been the worst August recess ever. Sure, things are slower than when we were in session but the fact that we are understaffed makes me feel that I am doing three jobs (my own and the jobs of the two folks who left last month). I am exhausted, anxious and stressed. Thankfully, a new staffer and an intern start in a week, which will alleviate a lot of my workload. Then again, once the excitement of the Hill begins anew the workload and stress will increase for everyone. That means no real break at all.

But I shouldn’t complain. We’ve been itching for an opportunity to make a real difference after 8 years of Bush. I truly hope that we accomplish all the things we need to before attention turns to the elections again.

So what's a staffer like me to do? Sleep is obvious. And I am determined to take the rest of my comp days before recess ends (I have 3.5 left but I'll settle for using 2). And I will clean and reorganize my bedroom. Cleaning always has a way of relieving my anxiety and making me hopeful again.

Happy Anniversary/Reunion

2009-08-27T19:08:00.002-05:00

It’s amazing. This weekend marks my 10-year anniversary in D.C. I can still remember how excited, naïve, happy, and scared I was when I first arrived in Foggy Bottom. I never imagined that I’d still be here.

I never imagined many of the turns my life has taken. But all those turns have made me who I am. As I told a former co-worker this afternoon, I rate my life a 9.5 out of 10. The only reason I’m not a 10 is that I haven’t gotten into the shape I want and I don’t have a beau. Otherwise, I feel like I am finally in control of my destiny because I’m starting to truly know and accept myself. Time and experience have been a great teacher and healer for me.

I enjoyed showing off my 28-year-old self to my classmates at my 10th high school reunion. The reunion was very strange but I am glad I went. The folks I really wanted to see didn’t show but I got to catch up with at least two people from the lunch circle (my date and "Rubber/Eraser"). Mostly, the guys had more/less hair and were chubbier than I remember. Although some of the women were a bit worse for the wear (sunblock is key!), most of my female classmates looked the same—just a bit more stylish and taller from heels. Almost everyone is married and I got to fawn over two sets of baby pictures. There were several people I did not remember at all. Honestly, there is a lot of high school and even college that I don’t remember. No, it’s not the weed (unlike certain friends, I didn’t smoke) or selective amnesia. For some reason it’s just a blur. An enjoyable blur.

I felt out of place for most of the night as my lunch bunch and I huddled at a table snacking, drinking "reunion" cocktails (open bar!) and examining the new arrivals. Yes, many of the folks (including my group) did revert to the cliques and attitudes of high school. It seems like many of my classmates stayed in touch throughout college and beyond. It is odd that they are still close. Towards the end of the night, I decided to make the most of it and convinced my friend to join me in chatting with a few of the folks I couldn’t imagine not saying hi too, including the dork who didn’t want to be my date to the dance, my longtime crush, and the guy I used to joke with throughout junior and high school (there was a lot of alphabetical seating…).

So it was as they said. It was awkward at times but given that I kept my expectations low, I had a good time. It was also good that I went with my standby, a comfy dress and flats that allowed me to relax.

Class of 1999: It was interesting to see how far we’ve all come. I’ll be back in another 10. I can only pray that everyone is still alive and well in 2019.

Countdown to the Reunion

2009-08-19T20:27:00.003-05:00

My high school reunion is just a few days away. I’m a bit nervous but also excited. After a month of browsing online and in countless stores, I’ve decided what I will wear: a basic black work dress that is comfortable and fits me well. Paired with everyday flats, I’ll be relaxed and able to focus on the reason I’m going to the reunion, to connect with old friends.

I think I have checked my expectations sufficiently. I realized that it is not about wowing folks with an awesomely expensive dress, or proving that I’ve bested the rest in terms of my career and education, or about telling the dork who rejected my invitation to prom that he can shove-it (well, maybe it's a little about that...). It is about reminiscencing with old friends how awful, fun, anxiety-ridden, and carefree high school was. I do expect to exchange business cards and career insight, but I don’t expect to find a love-match or to make any significant connections that last. It’s like a one night stand with my classmates of ’99. No regrets, not expectations, no strings attached.

But I am bummed. One of my best friends from high school decided that she didn’t want to attend, despite my best attempts to convince/bribe her. For most of junior high and high school, she, another friend and I were the core of the original lunch bunch. It’s unfortunate that she won’t be there, but I won’t let that spoil the fun. My other high school bff is actually looking forward to it and I know that together we'll have a memorable night.

Online dating

2009-08-13T12:14:00.001-05:00

For some reason--perhaps a mixture of loneliness, boredom, and anxiety about my upcoming reunion--I created a profile at Match.com. I haven't taken the next step of subscribing, but I think it is only a matter of time.

I don't know what this says about my psychological-emotional state post-Floyd. What I do know is that I am ready to start looking and to start thinking about what I really want in a life partner. I won't ever settle again.

I'm skeptical about online dating. Sure, I have friends who have found great guys online, but I've heard about the undercurrent hookup culture on some sites as well.

Part of me feels that activating my profile signals laziness or fear in seeking guys the old fashion way--at mixers or through mutual friends and extracurriculars. I mean, I haven't even given manhunting an honest try before hiding behind my computer. Yet, for a closet wallflower/awkward-around-boys gal like me it seems like the best and perhaps, only real option.

Almost-30 Anxiety

2009-08-09T12:39:00.002-05:00

I am so anxious these days. It is like I haven’t been able to relax in months. Even though it is recess, I am stressed at work. Plus, I have put so much pressure on myself to get my non-work life in line.

The trouble is that work consumes my life and the little precious, off-time I have is relegated to everyday errands, catching up on sleep and using the remaining time for personal pursuits like fitness and hobbies.

It is almost mid-August, and I feel that I haven’t been taking advantage of the city and the summer. I guess I feel that I’m in a rut but I don’t think that it is a rut.

Maybe, it’s the “OMG, I’m almost 30” blues. Which just means that I’m anxious about taking advantage of all that life offers before it’s “too late” and I get “too old.” I guesss I should blame it on my upcoming 10th high school reunion. It reminds me that there is so much that I want to do before I turn 30. But the fact that I’m so dead-set on pursuing my Hill and political career as far as it will go precludes me from pursuing two of my other major “in-my-20s” goals: living in NYC and abroad. So I guess I’m coming up to a turning point in life. In the next two years, I will have to decide if I truly want to settle down in D.C. (my decision back in February) or if I want to try something totally different and move to NYC or Europe to do what, I don’t know.

The bottom-line is that nothing and no one is holding me back but myself which is awesome and scary—and leaves me feeling anxious.

Glass half-full

2009-08-06T19:12:00.001-05:00

I've been complaining all week about how I'm having to hold down the fort at work. My boss is off the grid for two weeks and despite the fact that it is recess, folks still need information. It has been unbelievably stressful and overwhelming.

Now that today's big event is over, I feel that I can relax enough to realize how much of an amazing and awesome opportunity holding down the fort actually is. If nothing else, my name is on the radar of a few key people and I am getting essential practice in dealing with staffers, the Member, and outside parties. Plus, I know now that I can step it up.

Don't get me wrong, I can't wait for my boss to return and release me from all of the sensitive and annoying requests and decisions which have led to sleepless nights and probably a gray hair or two. But I value what I've experienced in the last few days and all that I will learn and do during the final week that I'm virtually on my own.

TGIF

2009-07-31T14:28:00.003-05:00

Yay, for recess!

If I ever get out of work today, I will be the happiest person in D.C. The past month-summer-year has been so intense. Don't get me wrong, I've had a great time. But I am burned out. Work is the main culprit and I fear that things will only get worse once my two colleagues leave this month. I hope that I will be able to continue to perform well in my new role. It's more responsibility, which is both exciting and frightening.

I hope that things are slow in August for me. I have so much backlog to get through at work. But I've learned to keep my expectations low when it comes to how calm any given workday will be, even during recess. So I'm thinking that I will have packed days most of August—at least on the days that my boss is in the office.

This month, I'll be saying goodbye to two friends. A-M is moving down South for graduate school and NY4Eva, my work friend, is moving to London for graduate school. I will miss them both, but now I have a great excuse to travel during the next few years. Their absence will definitely impact my social life (A-M) and my work sanity (NY4Eva). The good thing is that both of them plan on returning to DC once school is over. I've lost so many friends over the years, and I would hate to lose two more. That's the unfortunate thing about sticking around in such a transient city as DC.

Alright, back to work. This was my obligatory end of August post. Keep your fingers crossed that I can leave work today while the sun is still up.

Tats

2009-07-25T17:13:00.001-05:00

I never thought that I was the sort of girl who would be drawn to boys with tattoos. First of all, I go between indifference and abhorrence when it comes to tattoos. I understand that they are a means of self-expression and individuality. But, in addition to more philosophical reasons, I feel that skin is beautiful on it's own. Plus, I tend to go for the clean-cut type.

That's why it was so shocking that I was turned on by a boy and his tat. He was a cute server at Busboys and Poets, and had this dark band tattooed on his beautifully sculpted upper arm. I nearly jumped out of my seat in wanting to trace it with my tongue. Let me disclose that I have a thing about a guy's muscular upper arm. It's so sexy and having a tattoo there just enhances it.

Now, I don't plan on hanging outside of tattoo salons but I will make an exception to my clean-cut rule if the guy has that particular type of tat.

Mom Check-In

2009-07-20T22:30:00.005-05:00

My mother is in town. It was nice to spend time with her, showing her where I live, work and play. There is a surreal disconnect between the life I lead in D.C. and the life I led under my mother's roof - between Hippo Q. as a child and Hippo Q. as an adult. We are trying to bridge that gap and built an adult, mother-daughter relationship. But there is so much of my life now that I choose to keep to myself. I prefer to share only what I feel inclined to share. I guess that means I'm selfish. I prefer to not show any emotion other than peace, joy or indifference. Maybe that means I'm repressed as well. But really, I think that I'm a private person. The lack of openness isn't limited to my mother. The key is that I'm aware of that tendency, and willing to become more open so that I can built stronger relationships.

Still, it was a good visit. We ate, laughed, shopped, and walked all over the city. The key for her was to see that I am doing fine – even great. I am.

Sunlight & Graffiti

2009-07-17T18:02:00.001-05:00

Right now, I'm headed to Silver Spring to meet my mother. I haven't been there since I said goodbye over a year ago. Downtown Silver Spring definitely treated me well those 3 years, but I am much happier living a more urban life in CoHe. If nothing else, the long Red line commute no longer discourages me from visiting DC friends and experiencing the city.

But riding the metro now, I must say that I miss the commute--mainly watching the scenery change. And the graffiti. I like the random political messages that are interspersed among the gang tags. No, I don't want to deal with a red line commute ever again, but I do wish my metrorail commute from the Hill to CoHe included a bit of sunlight and graffiti.

AWOL

2009-07-15T21:31:00.002-05:00

I feel horrible for letting my blog languish. I used to post so regularly--and with relatively interesting posts. Now, days and weeks pass without much cleverness or insight from my life. Just the mundane because I rarely have the time or energy to write like I used to.

And it will only get worse. I found out last week that I'm getting a promotion as my superior in the office is leaving. This is amazing news, given that I've only been in the office for 5 months. Again, it shows how fast ascent can be on the Hill given office turnover and the election cycle.

I'm nervous about being able to sustain my A-game in the face of more responsibilities--and an feeling of burn-out already setting in. But if I want to work for Obama, I better get used to it because things are only more stressful and nonstop there.

So, apologies to my regular readers for being a slacker. Recess is only a few weeks away and that means more posts, right?

Gym Rat, eventually

2009-07-09T13:28:00.002-05:00

I joined the gym in my neighborhood hoping to break a year long hiatus from physical activity. I joined on Saturday but still haven't convinced myself to return for a work out. I walk by the gym every morning and evening but have yet to go in. It's a mere 6 blocks from my house, but once home, anything beyond the front porch seems too far a trek. I've been telling myself that I will kick-off my new exercise routine this weekend, but I fear that I'll oversleep or find some other way to sabotage actually getting myself to the gym.

Basically I feel too lazy and too out of shape to start a fitness routine. Silly, huh? I just know that I don't have the stamina for a full hour-long workout, and I hate getting all sweaty and red in the face—ready to collapse at any moment.

I was so fit in high school, college, and grad school. I don't know what happened. These days you truly have to twist my arm to get me to take the stairs instead of the elevator and all my awesome Denise Austin and Lotte Berk Method videos are gathering dust.

I feel so sluggish, tense and wobbly these days and I know that exercise is the best way to get better. But, first I have to actually go to the gym. No more excuses. I want to transform my body into the youthful, efficient machine it was back when I played varsity soccer in high school. I'll even settle for my 4-times a week yoga-body. Or at least, I want to be able to run for the Metro bus or train without breaking a sweat.

Broken Mirror = Bad Luck?

2009-07-06T16:22:00.004-05:00

This morning, I noticed that the hand mirror I tote around in my bag had shattered. I think that it broke last weekend when a friend stepped on my bag. It is sad to lose that particular mirror because it belonged to my father and also, Floyd said it was designed for cutting coke in the 1970s. I thought that was cool.

I am a bit spooked about breaking the mirror. I remember a hand mirror breaking when I was a child and not thinking anything of it. But these days anything affiliated with black magic and superstitions freak me out. As a result, I particularly feel the need to defend myself against the possibility of 7 years of back luck or whatever other ills that sites like this detail.

I believe that fiddling with the dark arts opens you up to the dark arts. The junior high sleep-over standards of Ouija, Bloody Mary, Stiff as a Board, etc shouldn’t be viewed as just games. I wish I didn’t take me until after high school to figure that out. That’s when I gave away the voodoo doll and other items my friend gave me after a trip to New Orleans, and when I regretted summoning my deceased father during a séance. I didn’t know better then. Now I do.

While I recognize that we are surrounded by supernatural entities on a regular basis, I prefer to not recognize or seek them out lest I end up beckoning something that would do me wrong.

So, tonight I will probably contemplate burying the crushed mirror shards in the moonlight to rid myself of the supposed curse. But, most likely, I will wrap them in newspaper, say a prayer and throw them away.

New Roommate

2009-06-26T17:48:00.001-05:00

As I mentioned before, one of my roommates is leaving our house at the end of the month. Our new roommate will be a RPCV, Hill staffer. He seems really nice and laidback but you can never get the true sense of a person from a brief open house meeting. I guess the main thing is that I didn’t have a negative gut reaction to him. My only reservation was that he works in the office of a friend, and I like to keep my circles separate. Plus, my friend didn’t give him a glowing review.

He moves in next weekend, and I have my figures crossed that he doesn’t change the sense of our house too much. It is so hard to find affordable, safe housing in DC and even harder to find a roommates who mesh with your lifestyle or at least are respectful and responsible. I want my house to be a home but also a sanctuary.

Over the weekend, I plan on spending some quality time in my home-sanctuary. I want to dig up my novel draft and figure out how I want to proceed. I also plan on spending some quality time with friends, talking about life and love. I can never get enough girl talk.

Happy weekend, everyone!

Almost Recess

2009-06-24T20:59:00.003-05:00

I have no idea where the month has gone but I am so happy that recess is almost here. I've been running full-force for awhile and I'm really feeling burned out.

The good thing is that I'm learning a lot and witnessing some great developments on the Hill. I feel so fortunate to be where I am and that keeps me humble and motivated to give my all everyday regardless of how annoying or tedious or overwhelming my tasks can be. Most of the time I feel like I'm running a marathon or barely keeping my head above the water. There is just so much to be done and I can only imagine that the big wigs are feeling it so much worse.

I hope that I can be productive during the break and take care of my backlog so that I'm ready for the big push in July. There is so much to achieve this year and we are starting to run out of time.

To all the Hill staffers (and lobbyists) out there, hang on. Recess is near and glorious August is on the way.

Chick-lit distracts and inspires

2009-06-22T21:28:00.001-05:00

I've been reading a lot of chick-lit lately. It's a great distraction from the stress of work and the reality of Floyd.

One of the most memorable passages from a book I finished reading last week spoke to my current romantic reality. I'm sure that it will mean nothing to one who doesn't know the context of it but whatever. It is taken from the Dirty Girls Social Club by Alisa Valdes-Rodriquez. It is a book recommended by a friend that I truly enjoyed.

The narrator is talking about her ex-fiance, Ed, who she found in bed with another woman. My situation isn't as extreme but the sentiment is shared.

"I mean, why cry if you're ridding yourself of a drunk, ugly Texican like Ed before you've actually gotten hitched to him? For the same reason Cuban exiles talk about Cuba all the time. The Cuba they left doesn't exist anymore. You cry because you mourn the dream, not the real place or person. The loss of the person you thought he was, not the one he is. There is no Santa Claus. There is no Ed in my future, teaching our son to put the hose away."

This book has reminded me that I need to write again. As the end of Mr. Rebound two summers ago inspired my first attempt at creative writing, the demise of me and Floyd is bringing on a need to express myself through words. Apparently, writing is my choice creative outlet.

And I can tell you I need an outlet right now. I'd rather it be at the gym or writing than chasing a "Jim" (Beam or a Mr. Right Now). Which reminds me that I need to join a gym soon. I need to work on my mind, body and soul and leave romantic love for some other time.

Final Hippo-Floyd Saga Update

2009-06-17T13:48:00.002-05:00

I feel the need to send out an update to my loyal readers after my last blog.

I am doing fine. I was obviously very emotional on Sunday and Monday, but now I am doing better. I am in the same state I was before Floyd visited, but now the reality that there is no us is a bit more vivid in my mind, which is good. The perk is that now whenever I think about him or am tempted to contact him, I remember the revelation he shared on Sunday. He is ready to date again, specifically a woman who lives in Fairfax. That keeps me from fantasizing about how I can get him back and reminds me that I can’t be his friend (someone who’s happy that he’s found someone new) until I get over him. He won the “breakup contest” and that adds a wound to my vanity as well as my heart. I need to start healing both now.

This is my last post about Floyd. There is nothing else to write about that I haven’t already shared. And he’s no longer in my life. Hopefully, one day we’ll be friends and he will read my blog again (with my blessing) and I will write about how great of friends we are. But until then, there is no need.

Instead, I want to write about the awesomeness of my work and social lives---things are really good. It’s crazy that as soon as I start excelling and find peace in the other parts of my life, my love life falls apart.

I look forward to when I can finally write about a happy and exciting dating/love life. I must admit that Organica’s excitement about being young and single is intoxicating. She is right that the time to get out, explore and have fun is now. I don’t want to regret not living it up more in my twenties. Now without Floyd, I have the ability to do whatever I want without having to worry about what Floyd would say or what it means in terms of a relationship with him. I can date/love/fool around with anyone. I can pack up and move across the country or world whenever I want. It is scary but exhilarating to be so free.

I think Organica’s youthful optimism about love and boys is just the perspective I need to hear this summer, as I work to finally move on and reestablish myself as Hippo + none.

Adios, Floyd (this time for good)

2009-06-15T19:43:00.003-05:00

It's amazing. I had an awesome weekend. It was relaxing and fun. Yet instead of being able to relate the amazing scallops and mac and cheese I shared with GRU at Ben's Next Door or the weirdness that was house searching with a realtor(!), I am left with the need to share my feelings of numbness, sadness, anger and confusion today.

Floyd is in town and I saw him yesterday evening. What a way to end such a beautiful day. Speaking with him on my stoop then politely asking him to leave.

My lesson was that I still have deep feelings for him and cannot be his friend until that fades. First, I need to face our reality and stop mourning what was or what never was--mainly how things were at the beginning. So hopeful and fresh. I was so young and so in love, as was he. Now, I'm older, wiser and I realize how different we are. All those things I decided to overlook at 19, 23 and 25, turn out to be essential now that I'm 29 and know, more or less, who I am and what I want.

So the weekend ended in tears and this morning began with tears, but no more. I've done this before and I can do it again.

I sucks to lose a best friend but it sucks even more to have a friend whose presence hurts. It sucks to end a relationship but it would be worse to prolong 9 years of limbo any further. I hate the maybes and the fantasies that lurk in my head. I live in a Disney fairtale, romance novel fantasyland most of the life--another lesson and another thing I must change. I strongly doubt that we have a future together beyond a friendship, if that.

It's a lot to digest and discard but for my own sanity, I have to finally say, for now and the foreseeable future, goodbye Floyd. It was real and now it's done.

DTV

2009-06-12T19:41:00.003-05:00

I am so in love with DTV. I finally set up the converter box on the tv in my bedroom. My new house isn't wired for cable upstairs so I had to get one or face static starting today.

The build-up to the dtv switch has been a long time coming. I've not only had to hear about it as a rabbit ears afficianado, but also because it has been a big issue at work.

My tv signal is so clear now! It is amazing. I love the channel guide and bonus network weather and pbs channels--it means more masterpiece, lydia and sandra brown reruns! I hope that I'll get a better telemundo reception soon cause you know how much I like telenovelas.

It doesn't hurt that it only cost me less than $13 with a government coupon to get more and clearer channels. I refuse to ever pay for cable (except when forced by roommates, of course) so I'll be sporting this converter box until my old tv dies or I'm forced to upgrade again.

Good luck to all the other rabbit ear folks out there. I hope the switch was just as painless for you!

Roommate Search

2009-06-11T16:27:00.003-05:00

I've only been in my place for a month, and we're already looking for a new roommate. I wish I was told about this possibility before I moved in but I don't think it would have changed my feelings about the place. My roommate is moving out after living in the house for four years. It means a lot that she didn't want to leave unless she found an amazing new place to share with her boyfriend. In fact, she's been postponing moving-in with him until they found a place that would top our current house.

My house has character. I guess that means it is in need of an update. The floors and doors squeak and the windows are drafty. But I love it. We have a front porch and a newly created backyard garden. There are alley cats that visit and lots of neighbors who pass by every day
walking their dogs. It's quiet yet I know I'm just a few blocks from the madness of 14th and Irving. I hope that I can find a house just like it in DC when the time comes for me to buy.

I am really nervous about getting a new roommate. The balance in the house now is so perfect. Both of my roommates have boyfriends that spend the night frequently, but I never feel like I'm living with four people. The bonus is when my roommates spend the night or weekend at their boyfriends' place and I get the house myself. We are also all very active. On the rare day that we are home at the same time, I'll be on the front porch reading, one roommate will be gardening in the back and the other roommate will be reading in her room.

We haven't shared a meal or outing since I arrived. But I'm okay with that. I think group dinners are nice but I am just as happy eating alone on the front porch. I do want friendly, respectful roommates. I don't want (or need) a roommate-friend.

So we've posted our ad and we've receive a few promising replies so far. I hope that we'll find a least one special guy or girl who can fill the shoes of our departing roommate and most importantly, mesh well with our lifestyles.

Sunday Evening

2009-06-07T19:54:00.002-05:00

I like it when I do something new and out of my normal routine. I find that it is then that I learn something new about DC or myself.

Tonight, I decided to take the long way back home from the Hill. The weather is just so nice and I'm wearing the perfect sun dress.

I realized how much I love and miss the sensation of the gravel crunching under my sandals. I haven't walked along the Mall in months and I haven't been to the Lincoln Memorial in years, probably not since I lived in Foggy Bottom. Tonight, I made a promise to myself to walk the Mall at least once this week after work to de-stress and to check out the Lincoln Memorial before the month is over.

The other thing that I learned new tonight is that there is tango in the square every Sunday evening (forgot it's name...Lafayette Square? It's across from the National Theatre). I just happened to notice at least 40 couples dancing with just as many watching. It was beautiful and sensual--magical in the twilight and with the Capitol looming in the background down Penn.

I wish I knew how tango. I need to pick up a hobby and volunteer again. Those are the two things missing in my otherwise full and fulfilling life. It's something for me to work on this summer.

On a side note, I've given up my crush. It's unhealthy and immature to live in fantasy land. If I'm not going to pursue him, I need to give up the distraction. I'm not in junior high anymore. So please disregard the musings of my last post. I need to move on and grow up.

Hump Day

2009-06-03T18:52:00.002-05:00

OMG, today was unbelievable. I don't know what was going on with me, but I got my butt kicked.

I am normally so prepared for whatever comes my way at work so I have to blame it on the fact that it is the first week back from recess. Recess is an illusion as there is always a pile of work to do. But returning to the reality of this "Do Something" Congress has given me quite a shock this week. I can't wait for the weekend to catch my breath and to get mentality prepared for a packed June.

On a side note, I ran into my crush. It was the non-work, bright spot of my day (besides seeing Organica). Unfortunately, I didn't really have time to connect and chat but I am hopeful that I'll get another chance at this weekend's bbq. Last week, our mutual friend gave me a green light in terms of my crush being a good guy and not being a player. The fact that my friend, who I trust, didn't warn me or discourage me gives me new hope and a reason to reconsider pursuing him. I have nothing to lose and no other cutie to distract me, so why not?

Weekend Recap

2009-06-01T11:59:00.002-05:00

I guess it’s springtime when I spend my whole weekend outside or out with friends. You can’t get me to leave the comfort of my bed and blankets when it is cold. Besides sitting on my front porch, watching the neighborhood and getting at least two dozen new mosquito bites (at this rate, I’m going to run out of unbitten skin in a month), I checked out two Chinatown restaurants/bars over the weekend.

La Tasca
Given the crazy downpour post-work on Friday, I was seriously debating blowing off this outing. But I am so glad I went because I had a blast. I was greeted by pitchers of delicious sangria and a huge, steaming container of free paella. It wasn’t the best paella I ever had but it was helpful in lining my stomach for the 5-6 glasses of sangria I gulped down that evening. The pitchers just kept coming and I kept drinking. I will be back.

Bar Louie
This place was a treat. Sure, it is a sports bar with tons of flat screen TVs. But the tap selection is solid and the food is great. I love it when I can get Woodchuck cider on draft—-it’s always my go-to drink on a lazy night out. Make it Strongbow on tap (does it exists in DC?) and I’m in heaven. The highlight of the night was the California burger I ordered. I wasn’t even that hungry but as soon as I saw the glistening bun and side of crispy tater tots, I knew it was going to be a gluttonous night. The California burger includes cheese, bacon, avocado, and crab. Yes, crab on a burger. It was an odd choice that was amazingly good. As a bonus, there was a fair amount of guys at the bar—-watching the finals. So, it would be a good spot to revisit, armed with a wing woman or two.