August & Anxiety

I can't believe that today is the first day of August, the hottest month of the year and the near-finale of the summer.

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I am really anxious and scare about entering the dating scene.  I will have to eventually if I ever plan on getting married and having lots of babies ;-) , but I don't feel strong enough to deal with the inevitable--I mean potential--heartbreak and rejection.  I guess that it is only right that I don't feel ready to enter the dating scene given my recent official break from Floyd.  But there are just so many unfair rules and so many unknowns when it comes to finding someone compatible and opening your self up to that person.

But I believe that finding true love is totally worth all the bullshit that I'll have to deal with and overcome before I find "The One," that is assuming that such a thing even exists… 

Hmm… Does "the One" or "Mr. Right" exist?  In my little girl fantasies he surely does exists and has been waiting all of his life to finally meet, wed, and make babies with someone just like me.  Quite silly, yet I maintain such a sweet, Prince Charming-esque fantasy.  Yet, the idea of "The One" breeds uncertainty about ever finding that one person that is meant for you among the millions of people on this earth.  The reassuring cop-out response to this is that there are many "Ones" out there so surely you'll meet one of them.  The idea of "The One" also makes you question every relationship that you're in—wondering if your lover, your boyfriend is it.  That is my question now that Floyd is gone, was he "The One"?  Again, the reassuring cop-out response is if the relationship ended, there is no way that he was "The One."

Ah, this is all just silly babbling resulting from reading a few IVillage articles on single life and dating and pondering my friends' own stories about singlehood.<sigh>