Gym Rat, eventually

I joined the gym in my neighborhood hoping to break a year long hiatus from physical activity. I joined on Saturday but still haven't convinced myself to return for a work out. I walk by the gym every morning and evening but have yet to go in. It's a mere 6 blocks from my house, but once home, anything beyond the front porch seems too far a trek. I've been telling myself that I will kick-off my new exercise routine this weekend, but I fear that I'll oversleep or find some other way to sabotage actually getting myself to the gym.

Basically I feel too lazy and too out of shape to start a fitness routine. Silly, huh? I just know that I don't have the stamina for a full hour-long workout, and I hate getting all sweaty and red in the face—ready to collapse at any moment.

I was so fit in high school, college, and grad school. I don't know what happened. These days you truly have to twist my arm to get me to take the stairs instead of the elevator and all my awesome Denise Austin and Lotte Berk Method videos are gathering dust.

I feel so sluggish, tense and wobbly these days and I know that exercise is the best way to get better. But, first I have to actually go to the gym. No more excuses. I want to transform my body into the youthful, efficient machine it was back when I played varsity soccer in high school. I'll even settle for my 4-times a week yoga-body. Or at least, I want to be able to run for the Metro bus or train without breaking a sweat.

Yoga in the Park

I've always wanted to practice yoga outdoors. This Sunday, I finally got a chance. Aside from the pesky bug bites, slight sunburn and dirty yoga mat that resulted, I had an awesome session of doing sun salutations in the bright morning sun.

A few weeks ago, when talking at walk through Malcolm X Park (b.k.a., Meridian Hill Park), I noticed a small group of people practicing yoga near the stage. I waited around reading my book for a bit. Once the session was over, I walked over and introduced myself. The woman was training to become a yoga instructor and she held classes on most Sundays to get practice hours. I gave her my email address and two weeks later, I was back for an amazing session.

It's been a while since I last practiced yoga. Despite all the videos and handouts I own, I have yet to sustain a home-pratice—something an instructor/monk told me was key. But I hope to attend the yoga in the park sessions as long as they last (probably until it gets cold). Bikram Yoga-Dupont's sessions have ended, but there are others you can learn about through visiting Meet-up (like this one) and by randomly checking out huddles of folks in the park.

"Let's get Physical[s]"

I got a physical today. I'm quite sure that the doctor didn't do everything listed in the Peace Corps medical packet, but I'm not worried because I'll be back in two weeks for a follow-up visit.

The doctor wants to temporarily put me on some asthma medications to see if my minor wheezing can be alleviated. I had asthma when I was a child and I guess, I have chronic problems with wheezing and shortness of breath. It mainly affects me when exercising in cold weather and during the allergy season (when I'm already dealing with irritation and the excess mucus associated with irritation), but I've learned to deal with it.

I'm not happy that I'll have to take two types of asthma medication during the next two weeks (and possibly longer). I just stopped taking BC to avoid manipulating my hormones, among other reasons. But now, I'm attacking my lungs with chemicals.

I haven't had a physical since I before I left for college so who knows what conditions will be unearthed. I know that my weight and blood pressure are fine, but how will my cholesterol levels fair? I'll find out in 2 weeks, when (hopefully) my medical packet will be completed and I'm given a doctor's "O.K." to serve.

"Running into the sun but I’m running behind" (Jackson Browne)

I ran five miles last night, and my entire body can still feel it.

As a part of my new year's resolution to expand my fitness routine, I tried out the "fun run" in my neighborhood.  Like L-M, I figured that fun run would equal a short run, like a mile or two. You can imagine my surprise when I was told that the "fun run" was actually 5.2 miles long.  I haven't done significant cardio since the summer, and even then it was just step aerobics or swimming.  I feel that I'm in shape because of yoga, but not in shape enough to run 5.2 miles.

As you can imagine, I struggled, particularly on the hills on the way back.  But I made it.

When I was running, I started to think about my father.  He was an avid runner and I can remember watching him run around the high school track as I rode my bicycle or played soccer.  I know that he was looking down at me last night and smiling—proud that I decided to challenge myself and try something that had been a big part of his life. 

Tonight, I'll switch back to my favorite fitness activity, yoga, to stretch out and relax my body (which is still a bit on edge after yesterday) and mind/spirit (which also seem hyperactive right now).  I hope that my knees and legs will recover after tonight's yoga session (in addition to applying proper running form and wearing good running shoes) so that I'm ready for another run this Thursday or next Tuesday. 

I am so proud of my small accomplishment and I hope that I continue to try new things and stick with those that fit.

A few more big ideas

Things are going well, and aside from my love life, I don't have any complaints. But yesterday, I felt unbelievably anxious and unchallenged. I know that my anxiety stems from finalizing my Peace Corps application and furthering my novella. But, I don't know why I feel unchallenged, given all the new things I'm doing these days. Maybe, it's just another flare-up of twenty-something-itis. So, I'll just apply a band-aid and give myself another near-term challenge involving fitness, income generation and/or creative expression to distract me:

Fitness: I've toyed with the idea of running a marathon or half-marathon for a few years now. Perhaps, 2008 is the year. Indeed, I was inspired by Bend It Like Beckham (which I watched, along with Casi Casi this weekend) to boost my fitness level. I think I finally will add more strength and endurance training to my mild fitness routine. I might even enroll in an adult ballet class to supplement the flexibility, balance, awareness, and strength training thrice-weekly yoga provides.

Income: I've already mentioned that I want to find a part time job. I've been talked out of the bartending and catering scheme, so I think I'll reapply to work at some of the stores in my 'hood. Someone has to be hiring for weekends and evening shifts. And, I'm ready to give a dozen hours per weekend to earn a cash for an amazing summer vacation, though I already sense that I'll regret the extra hours.

Creativity: I'm slowly moving forward with my creative writing venture. I really like the writer's group I joined and have learned a lot about writing from it. But there has to be some other route of creative expression for me. I've decided against music, so perhaps, theatre is it. Or, I could finally start that board game group I've been talking about forever. I'll keep you posted.

Pilates: 1, Hippo Q: 0

I ventured to a Pilates class with A-M last night, and it was definitely an experience.

I took Pilates once in college but shunned the practice after struggling through an awful 60 minutes of trying to keep up with the instructor and a class seemingly packed with gymnasts and dancers.

I feel that I'm in the best shape of my life right now (even better shape than when I was a high school soccer player—and I was pretty solid back them). Yet, I still had the hardest time scooping, pointing, raising and lowering my legs and arms last night. I couldn't stop laughing at my own ineptitude—my legs/arms/head were just too darn heavy to "lift slowly while scooping." It was very humbling to realize that in spite of the fitness progress I've made this year, I have little to no core strength.

This morning, I can still feel the workout in my abs, lower back and legs, but instead of sensing defeat and conceding to the god/esses of Pilates, I've decided to add this class to my normal fitness routine. If the instructor's appearance was any indication, Pilates will surely do wonders for my body, posture and presence.

Viernes? Viernes!

I'm so happy that it is Friday.  The past week has been unexpectedly busy during and after work.  I decided to forgo another Saturday volunteer opportunity this weekend in order to double-up on fitness classes.  I really need to resume my fitness schedule and workout at least three times a week.  Lately, I've opted to stay in and eat and watch TV instead of walking the .5 block to the fitness center.  Before long, I'll just become a huge blob of fat--nixing all the progress I've made during the past few months to tone my body.  That will all change next week.  I have no happy hours or meetings to attend after work so I have no excuse to not go to the gym everyday.

I've decided to get more involved in the Young Alumni Association.  At this week's planning meeting, I volunteered to plan an upcoming happy hour. Yay, me!  I'm hoping that my involvement will connect me with cool alum that I can learn from and drink with.  My freshman year roommate's friend was at the meeting.  It was nice to see her but I quickly remembered why I was never fond of her.

On tap this weekend: A trip to the library, Gifford's, and lots of time to daydream and focus on my novel's storyline. 

Monday, Monday

After a less than stellar, actually disappointing weekend though I shan't say why, I'm feeling rather tired and sad.  It will suffice to say that my weekend was spent listening to Marvin Gaye and thinking about my life.  I remain anxious for a change and I'm almost ready to make the change happen for myself.  As always, I'm just holding out a little longer (one week) for a sign to reassure me that I'm taking the right path…

The highlight of my weekend was swimming at the gym.  I think I went a little overboard on fitness this weekend because my muscles are still sore after a challenging 2 hour workout on Saturday and a relaxing (but challenging) hour in the pool on Sunday.  I think that I'll take today off and resume my workout schedule with yoga on Wednesday.

K.I.S.S.

What a great weekend.  I spent it doing just about everything I like to do.  I successfully avoided basic housework in favor of reading, snacking, exercising and hanging out with friends. 

The highlight was playing around the world after aerobics.  It took me nearly 20 minutes to finish the challenge.  It's like I forgot how to shoot a basketball, particularly from the top of the key.  Eventually, my shots got better, but no where near perfect.  I think that I'll stop in the basketball court after every weekend workout session to get a mini-arm workout and challenge myself.  No, I didn't go swimming this weekend like I promised myself.  I overslept and generally punked out.  Hopefully, next week, I'll find the courage to don a bathing suit and get in the pool.

I finished my first chick-lit book in months this weekend.  It's called Jemima J. and although, the persistent talk about weight, self-esteem, etc got super annoying toward the middle of the book, the story was amusing enough but not really believable.  Next up is reading Pride and Prejudice for the 100th time.  I've already requested the three different Pride and Prejudice film productions from the library and I hope they arrive by the weekend.  It will be quite a memorable weekend of Mr. Darcy and general fantasy-land (Silly, romantic Hippo!).

No word from either of the guys who were in my life.  I still miss Floyd but more and more, I'm realizing the importance of resisting the urge to reach out to him.  I want to give him space and time to figure life out on his own and start his new journey without me.  As for Mr. Rebound, I feel less anxious about my situation with him.  I have a simple question to ask him if I ever see him again.  And based on his answer, I'll decide whether I want to see him (as more than friends) ever again. 

I will be blatantly clear, though I feel that he's already gotten my hints, that I don't want a fling.  It seemed like a nice idea at the beginning of the summer, when I was bored, lonely, and (dare I say it?!) sexually unfulfilled.  But now, I realize that I don't want or need and can't handle a summer fling—though oddly enough, Floyd and I started out as a rather casual (at least at first) but steamy summer fling.  I don't know what was different about those days that made a summer fling okay to me…I was equally bored, lonely, and horny when I met Floyd.  But I also hadn't experienced love at that point.  I guess that is the difference. 

I want more now.  I want to experience the passion of a fling (and believe me, Mr. Rebound and I had our moments), but more than that, I want the peace of mind and contentment that being in love with your best friend can give (which is what Floyd was to me, until things started to fall apart and I longed for something/someone different).  The question is, can I have both?  Can I get both sustained passion and lifelong love? Floyd and I once had passion but it was fleeting. We had what I though was lifelong love, but it wasn't enough for me (especially given everything else…e.g., he moved hundreds of miles away and we wanted different things out of life).  So, then I guess it wasn't lifelong love after all. 

Reading French actress Jeanne Moreau's words struck a chord and yet, I still don't have the maturity to see a marked contradiction between passion and love.

"Oh come on. Passion — when you get to be 60 — by then you know about love — but love is not passion. I would hate passion; I would hate to be still overcome with passion, I've done that! I have passion for life now. And now I know about love. Love and passion don't go together. Passion is destructive. Passion is demanding.

"Passion is jealous. Passion goes up and down. Love is consistent. Fidelity, that's what love is about. Compassion, you give even more than you receive. That's what love is about. I'd hate to still be a victim of passion — I would think, God! I've lived all these years and I've learned nothing?"

I don't want to be a silly "victim of passion," but I still want passsion and I want true love. 

But does it even exist?  So many people are divorcing and falling out of love.  What is going on and am I falling into the same pattern by running after passion and being fooled by passon--thinking that it is or can be love?

I think know the answer and the key to all my problems.  I need to "find myself."  I need to truly look within and figure out what I want out of life—out of my career, relationships with lovers and friends, community, etc.  At that moment, I'll have found contentment with me and I'd be less likely to fall into the trap and desperately accept passionless love and loveless passion. I think I made a big step just this year in declaring my independence from Floyd, someone I felt wasn't right for me (at least not right now) and again, in deciding that I wouldn't settle for a fling with Mr. Rebound when I really wanted and should demand more.  So perhaps, I'm on my way.  I hope I am.

Swimsuit Season--Blah!!

I finally bought a swimsuit yesterday.  It is definitely an old lady suit--one-piece, with full coverage and a high neck.  But I think that it will be sufficient for the camping trip this weekend, and most of all, perfect for the water aerobics class at the gym.  I refuse to be the girl in the bikini at my gym's pool.  I don't consider the gym pool a place for playfully frolicking half-naked, but for serious swimming in serious swimsuits.  Yet, I've seen a number of female members in their twenties doing just that.

I hope to start taking a water aerobics class next week or I might just go to the gym really early on the weekends to swim (though I don't really know how...).  I remember taking swimming lessons when I was a child.  Although I loved going around the pool with a kick board, I freaked out (and still freak out) by not being able to touch the bottom.  As a result, I always stick to the 4 foot end near all the splashing kids. 

I haven't been swimming in the ocean since our last family trip to Clearwater, Florida.  I think I was in high school.  I feel that my body has changed a lot since those days, for the better and for the worse.  But I guess I shouldn't gripe because I have 50 plus years of sagging, dimpling, and wrinkling worries ahead of me.   What I'm trying to say is that I'm not looking forward to donning a swimsuit to go swimming this weekend or at the gym.  I will be so uncomfortable until I get in the water or put my cover-up back on. The crazy thing is that I know no one will be looking at me but self-conscious about their own bodies.  But still...

Tuesday Rundown

There is so much happening right now for me to report, but I don't have the time or the will to sit down and really hash out all the news. But, I will provide a rundown of the basics, in bullet point form:

• The gym in my neighborhood finally opened. I think it's really nice and I look forward to swimming laps in the pool—once I finally buy a swimsuit. I took my first aerobics class at the gym last night and it was a lot of fun. I feel great today and I look forward to checking out the other classes over the next week. Also, I've been hired as a front desk attendant at the gym. I start this weekend, which will be the official end of my social life. I know that having a part-time job will force me to be more disciplined and organized. I look forward to the challenge and the extra money I'll earn for my summer trip.
• Ah, my summer trip. It is almost certain that I will travel to Paris this July with my mom. I'm super excited about the trip and quite busy researching airfare, itineraries and hotels. It will be my first trip abroad since heading to Moscow as an exchange student in high school. I anticipate that this trip will motivate me to pursue the Peace Corps, TEFL, and other options for living and working abroad while I'm still "young."
• Last week, a report was released that linked the consumption of salt to a variety of cardiovascular health risks beyond high blood pressure. This is particularly self-gratifying for me, a true salt warrior, who's been complaining about the oversaltification of packaged and restaurant food since college. Now, I have scientific data to support my charge that salt, though natural and necessary for bodily processes, can be unhealthy if consumed in the excess.
• The weather has been simply marvelous in D.C. over the past few days. But my allergies have been unkind, so that I haven't been able to enjoy the weather as much as I'd like. I know that I have no reason to complain about the pollen count in D.C. when my hometown of Atlanta struggles with counts that are way off the charts. For example, in late March, Atlanta had a pollen count near 6,000 particles per cubic meter -- a level of 120 is considered extremely high. It would probably help if I bought some new allergy medicine and stopped popping expired pills. But I'm convinced that the medicine expiration date is meaningless, merely indicating that the medicine will be as less powerful or effective when expired but not harmful.

Gym Blues No More

I got a letter in the mail yesterday notifying me that the gym I signed up for won't be open until March. I live near the gym so I knew that the place wouldn't be ready on January 16. Still, I was really looking forward to fulfilling my new year's resolution of fitness yesterday with a trip to my new gym.

Not to be undone, I convinced myself to battle the elements and walk the 10 yards across the courtyard to the gym in the other building of my complex. There I enjoyed an hour long session of cardio and weight training. I'm glad that I did maintain my promise of starting my workout on January 16, and I know that it will be great to walk in the new gym (whenever it finally opens…) and be closer to, not further from, my 2007 fitness goals.

Get In Shape Girl!

Ahhh....I remember getting GISG for Christmas in the 1980s.

Well anyway, today I went to the gym for my free personal training
session. It was pretty neat. I learned about a few of the weight
machines that usually intimidate me and worked out for about an hour
on my arms, abs, and legs. I know that when I wake up tomorrow I
won't be able to move, but it was nice to get a guided jumpstart on
the new, fit, healthy me. I still have to wait a few more weeks for
my gym to open, and I'm getting anxious to resume my fitness routine
after a 1.5 year hiatus.

"I've got no motivation. Where is my motivation?"

A coworker got me interested in running a marathon next year. I figured that, given my determination and self-control, I’d be able to train to run two miles comfortably by 01.01.2007 and six miles by 04.01.2007--when many D.C. marathon training programs begin.

I had hoped to start my fitness routine at the beginning of November. To date, I haven't so much as run to catch the Metrobus. I don’t know why I’m not motivated, given that I want to look and feel healthy in 2007--especially in time for short and swimsuit season. But, I find it hard to exercise when it is so cold and dark outside. Ideally, I’d wake up early and train before work, but I know it’d be a struggle to get my butt out of bed before 7 AM.

Here’s hoping for inspiration. I’ll let you know when it comes.