"In Heat"

Over the weekend, I found myself watching a handful of Patti Stanger's tip videos on Bravotv. I must say The Millionaire Matchmaker is a guilty pleasure. I love watching Patti interact with her clients and give out advice to the men and women she tries to match. I don't know if I agree with everything she says but I think she provides a no-holds-barred view of modern dating that may turn out to be very helpful to a dating novice like me. Yes, I've already requested her book from the library.

In one of the tip videos she recommended that women date three guys at once: one guy who may be a keeper, one guy you aren't sure about, and one guy who is a definite no but who you have a lot of fun with (think: a go-to escort for a theatre night, friend's wedding, work gathering, etc). Having all three helps to ensure that you always have options on a friday night if your first choice, "the keeper," isn't available. But, perhaps, most importantly, it ensures that you don't become a woman "in heat"--one who is dying for male attention--romantic or otherwise. I guess that is another way of saying that "having a pair plus a spare" helps you avoid giving off the desperation vibe.

That really hit home for me. I think I have a deficiency of male attention in my life. I have a few male friends at and outside of work, but I'm not even close to having even three candidates to fill the spots. And I can only imagine that helps to create or add to my "stay away" vibe.

I think it would be good to have a larger male perspective in my life. Having more male friends will help me become less nervous, eager, and neurotic around cute guys so that when the guy I really want comes along, I am cool, confident, calm and collected--and not the needy version of myself who jumps ahead to wedding bells.

But first, I have to stop feeling uneasy about adding males to the mix. And for that I need to see every guy as a potential friend and not automatically evaluate him as potential boyfriend/lover/husband material.

So no, I am not ready to date yet. But I am ready to meet some new men--as friends.

It looks like I will be joining a kickball league with an old friend. I think he and kickball will be just the ticket to adding to my repertoire.