I have four days to cram as much French vocabulary into my brain as possible. I’m headed to France Sunday morning for one of the most seminal adventures of my 20s. It’s the wannabe backpacking trip that I should have taken back in college. But, I have no regrets. I’m going now as a mature, young woman—with a disposable income.
Cali-girl took French in college so A-M and I be relying on her to help us interact with the locals—especially in the Loire, where I’ve heard there are few people who are fluent in English. I’ve been listening to my handy Berlitz playaway audiobook (super-impressed that the technology has moved us beyond language tapes) during the slowperiods at work and at home before bed. It has helped me learn a few of the basic phrases I’ll need to know to get by. But still, there is so much to learn and understand.
I always dreamed that I would raise my children in a multi-lingual home where Spanish, French, and English were spoken. I’ve basically failed at become fluent in Spanish despite the classes I’ve taken and the resource I had for 8 years (Floyd). So maybe I should give French a try?
As of today, I’m adding that to my bucket list, right next to becoming fluent in Spanish. It really is a beautiful and useful language, and I think the best way for me to learn the language is through as many visits to France as possible.
7.28.2010
7.19.2010
Holiday in France
I am becoming increasingly excited that I will be in France in a mere two weeks! I spent the weekend making purchases for my trip. The key and most expensive purchases were a digital camera (welcome to the 21st century, Hippo!), and a pair of cute walking shoes.
I am most proud that I have culled my packing list to the essentials. And I am determined to not panic the night before my departure and end up bringing every item in my closet. I have items that I can mix-and-match and easily hand wash and dry. If all else fails, I will go shopping. I am hoping to acquire a few new items anyway.
Speaking of budgets, I haven’t really figured out a budget for my trip. That is a little dangerous, but I think my frugal nature will ensure that I don’t go overboard. And thankfully, I have a “rainy-day fund” that was originally created for international travel, though it is now my mid-term savings account. I don’t anticipate spending a lot of cash on souvenirs and at touristy sites. I mainly want to spend my cash on food—mostly bread and fruit—specifically fruit tarts and other fruit pastries. Dear me, I have given myself the green light to gain 10 pounds in the pursuit of the perfect fruit tart. The last time I was in Paris, I went a little crazy every morning and evening at the pastry shop near our hotel. I can recall buying 3 tarts during one trip. My mother asked, “Hippo, do you really need all three? You just ate dinner and it is late.” I ate everything that night before bed.
We decided to spend most of our time in Paris, with a short trip to Blois and then Tours to see a few chateaux and experience life outside of the “big city”. According to the travel guides, the Loire Valley is perfectly situated for bike rides so we anticipate renting bikes to ride to the chateaux, with beautiful baguettes and bottles of wine sticking out of the bike baskets. My friends love wine so I’m sure a wine tour will be a possibility while in the Loire as well.
As for Paris, while my friends are visiting the spots I don’t care to visit (the top of the Eiffel Tower, Musee d’Louvre, and Musee d’Orsay), I am determined to check out a few spots that I missed on my last visit. Namely, Montmartre, Musee de Rodin, and lots of lazy hours picnicking and reading in the Jardin des Tuileries, Jardin du Luxembourg, and Champs du Mars. I also want to check out the faux beach and the evening dancing along the Seine.
I am hoping that we are able to have a quick meal with Organica on our first day. She’ll be leaving Paris (after spending a month in France—so jealous!) on the same day that we arrive. I also plan on spending the first day with my college roommate who offered to take a short holiday to Paris so that we can see each other.
Over the weekend, I watched The Diving Bell and The Butterfly, and borrowed two French novels to read during my trip, The Count of Monte Cristo and Madame Bovary. Les Miserable would have been a great addition but it is too large to lug around in my bag. Maybe next time?
All that is left now is to learn more French phrases, review my packing list, and step-up my visits to the gym in preparation for the culinary adventure (of butter, chocolate, wine, and cheese) that awaits me in France.
I am most proud that I have culled my packing list to the essentials. And I am determined to not panic the night before my departure and end up bringing every item in my closet. I have items that I can mix-and-match and easily hand wash and dry. If all else fails, I will go shopping. I am hoping to acquire a few new items anyway.
Speaking of budgets, I haven’t really figured out a budget for my trip. That is a little dangerous, but I think my frugal nature will ensure that I don’t go overboard. And thankfully, I have a “rainy-day fund” that was originally created for international travel, though it is now my mid-term savings account. I don’t anticipate spending a lot of cash on souvenirs and at touristy sites. I mainly want to spend my cash on food—mostly bread and fruit—specifically fruit tarts and other fruit pastries. Dear me, I have given myself the green light to gain 10 pounds in the pursuit of the perfect fruit tart. The last time I was in Paris, I went a little crazy every morning and evening at the pastry shop near our hotel. I can recall buying 3 tarts during one trip. My mother asked, “Hippo, do you really need all three? You just ate dinner and it is late.” I ate everything that night before bed.
We decided to spend most of our time in Paris, with a short trip to Blois and then Tours to see a few chateaux and experience life outside of the “big city”. According to the travel guides, the Loire Valley is perfectly situated for bike rides so we anticipate renting bikes to ride to the chateaux, with beautiful baguettes and bottles of wine sticking out of the bike baskets. My friends love wine so I’m sure a wine tour will be a possibility while in the Loire as well.
As for Paris, while my friends are visiting the spots I don’t care to visit (the top of the Eiffel Tower, Musee d’Louvre, and Musee d’Orsay), I am determined to check out a few spots that I missed on my last visit. Namely, Montmartre, Musee de Rodin, and lots of lazy hours picnicking and reading in the Jardin des Tuileries, Jardin du Luxembourg, and Champs du Mars. I also want to check out the faux beach and the evening dancing along the Seine.
I am hoping that we are able to have a quick meal with Organica on our first day. She’ll be leaving Paris (after spending a month in France—so jealous!) on the same day that we arrive. I also plan on spending the first day with my college roommate who offered to take a short holiday to Paris so that we can see each other.
Over the weekend, I watched The Diving Bell and The Butterfly, and borrowed two French novels to read during my trip, The Count of Monte Cristo and Madame Bovary. Les Miserable would have been a great addition but it is too large to lug around in my bag. Maybe next time?
All that is left now is to learn more French phrases, review my packing list, and step-up my visits to the gym in preparation for the culinary adventure (of butter, chocolate, wine, and cheese) that awaits me in France.
7.10.2010
Slow Dancing
I guess I should give you a detailed update on my two dates/meetings this week. But instead I want to talk about the lost art form that is slow dancing to beautiful ballads.
Maybe I keep my radio on top 40 too much but I’m really missing ballads these days. In fact, I don’t think I’ve heard a really good love song since I was a child. In those days, my mother kept a constant loop of Luther Vandross songs and my father was all about Phyllis Hyman. And of course, my father always played from his record collection Saturday mornings. I can recall many mornings of eating grits and bacon to background music provided by The Dells, The Platters, or Nancy Wilson.
I’d imagine that there are still good, new love songs out there, and that they just don't infiltrate all the club and dance songs that dominate the stations I listen to. That’s why you’ll see me tuning my radio to the Quiet Storm when I’m doing dishes in the evening—just like my mom and dad did when I was a kid. And oddly, the same songs that dominated the mix back then are still played. Which makes me think that there really isn’t much new out there.
And that brings me to the fact that I’ve been very interested in slow dancing. Whenever I listen to Sinatra or Ella, I imagine myself wearing a pretty dress and heels and gently swaying to the music, my eyes locked with those of a cute guy. That is a far cry from the bumping and grinding that goes on at all the bars and clubs in DC. Don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy booty shaking as much as any other 20-something girl. But now that I’m older, I long for the formality and the greater connection one can get through slow dancing. I think the last time I slow danced (with a person and not my stuffed hippo…) was with Floyd. We danced to Selena. It was very romantic. And I would take that over any other night of gyrating to Outkast, Ludacris, or anything else we danced to in those days.
A-M tells me that I need to get connected with the DC Hand Dancing clubs, and perhaps, the classes at Glen Echo.
I know that this all makes me sound like a crazy old lady. I’m only recently realizing how old fashioned and traditional I really am. Maybe it comes with age or maybe it's that this is my “authentic self.” Regardless, I am in search of some modern ballads for some wholesome slowdancing. I guess I should work on securing a dance partner first. As I know from experience, there is always a shortage of males at dancing classes.
On that note, I bombed my meeting with J. I went into it seeing it as an informational interview/networking opportunity—that was my cover and what I told myself so that I wouldn't get nervous and act weird. Unfortunately, I never directed our meeting into more social territory, and our hour-long chat barely left the realm of the professional. And I left with a new professional contact and not a date. But I'm still somewhat hopeful. My date today with O from Okcupid went okay, but I sense that I merely made a new friend. He is really nice but we'll see how things go on the next date, assuming he calls.
Thankfully, I am not discouraged (just frustrated). I look forward to going on more dates in the hopes that I'll someday, finally get it right and hit the jackpot.
Maybe I keep my radio on top 40 too much but I’m really missing ballads these days. In fact, I don’t think I’ve heard a really good love song since I was a child. In those days, my mother kept a constant loop of Luther Vandross songs and my father was all about Phyllis Hyman. And of course, my father always played from his record collection Saturday mornings. I can recall many mornings of eating grits and bacon to background music provided by The Dells, The Platters, or Nancy Wilson.
I’d imagine that there are still good, new love songs out there, and that they just don't infiltrate all the club and dance songs that dominate the stations I listen to. That’s why you’ll see me tuning my radio to the Quiet Storm when I’m doing dishes in the evening—just like my mom and dad did when I was a kid. And oddly, the same songs that dominated the mix back then are still played. Which makes me think that there really isn’t much new out there.
And that brings me to the fact that I’ve been very interested in slow dancing. Whenever I listen to Sinatra or Ella, I imagine myself wearing a pretty dress and heels and gently swaying to the music, my eyes locked with those of a cute guy. That is a far cry from the bumping and grinding that goes on at all the bars and clubs in DC. Don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy booty shaking as much as any other 20-something girl. But now that I’m older, I long for the formality and the greater connection one can get through slow dancing. I think the last time I slow danced (with a person and not my stuffed hippo…) was with Floyd. We danced to Selena. It was very romantic. And I would take that over any other night of gyrating to Outkast, Ludacris, or anything else we danced to in those days.
A-M tells me that I need to get connected with the DC Hand Dancing clubs, and perhaps, the classes at Glen Echo.
I know that this all makes me sound like a crazy old lady. I’m only recently realizing how old fashioned and traditional I really am. Maybe it comes with age or maybe it's that this is my “authentic self.” Regardless, I am in search of some modern ballads for some wholesome slowdancing. I guess I should work on securing a dance partner first. As I know from experience, there is always a shortage of males at dancing classes.
On that note, I bombed my meeting with J. I went into it seeing it as an informational interview/networking opportunity—that was my cover and what I told myself so that I wouldn't get nervous and act weird. Unfortunately, I never directed our meeting into more social territory, and our hour-long chat barely left the realm of the professional. And I left with a new professional contact and not a date. But I'm still somewhat hopeful. My date today with O from Okcupid went okay, but I sense that I merely made a new friend. He is really nice but we'll see how things go on the next date, assuming he calls.
Thankfully, I am not discouraged (just frustrated). I look forward to going on more dates in the hopes that I'll someday, finally get it right and hit the jackpot.
7.06.2010
Fishing
I have two “meetings” lined up for this week. Yes, I called it a meeting not a date. Well, one is a date while the other is sort of a mini-date veiled as a professional/networking meeting. On Saturday, I’m meeting a guy I met on OKCupid, O, and on Thursday, I’m meeting a guy that I met at a party two weeks ago, J.
I don’t know how I managed it but I somehow got the courage to email J today. I really like him. He is smart and funny, and he seems to be interested in the same progressive politics as me. He works on the Hill, and though he is shorter than I’d like, I found myself drawn to him that night. And I don’t think it was just the alcohol. At least I hope not. I ran into him over the weekend, and I was nothing but awkward. Thankfully, I was convinced to take the initiative and drop him a line. He emailed me back and now we are set for coffee on Thursday so that I can “learn more about his job.” I just want to find out if we can click over coffee as we did over martinis.
In the case of O, I’m letting him take the lead. He brought up meeting in-person last week and we finally agreed to a time and place for a face to face. We’ve had a number of long email exchanges during the past few weeks on topics like our careers, families, childhood, and dreams for the future. Who knows if we will get along in-person. I hope we do but chemistry can be a funny thing. And that is why I insisted that we not go to a restaurant like he suggested. It is so much easier to slip out quickly after ordering coffee than if you ordered an appetizer and entrée.
It shows you how traditional I am that I was very resistant to emailing J at first. I feel very strongly, like Patty, that a man should lead in the pursuit. That’s why I only emailed O after he contacted me with something more than a random line about my appearance. And that is why I waited for O to suggest that we meet in person. But in the case of J, I was so much an awkward wallflower during our last meeting that I felt the need to contact him. I knew that I didn’t give clear signals and that he wasn’t the type to take a chance and contact me anyway. My hope is that now he realizes that I am interested and that the ball is in his court. It seems like a silly cat and mouse game, and I’ve only just begun to try and understand it.
I am looking forward to both of my meetings with girlish glee. I feel exhilarated and powerfully female. Both meetings are exactly what I need to give me a much-needed ego boost when it comes to guys.
On a similar note, I had dinner with my ex tonight. It was awkward at times but enjoyable. I’m very glad that we are trying to transition from lovers/bffs to just friends. Despite all that has passed, he remains someone that I admire, love, and respect as a friend and as my past love. He is no longer my future. And that is okay.
I don’t know how I managed it but I somehow got the courage to email J today. I really like him. He is smart and funny, and he seems to be interested in the same progressive politics as me. He works on the Hill, and though he is shorter than I’d like, I found myself drawn to him that night. And I don’t think it was just the alcohol. At least I hope not. I ran into him over the weekend, and I was nothing but awkward. Thankfully, I was convinced to take the initiative and drop him a line. He emailed me back and now we are set for coffee on Thursday so that I can “learn more about his job.” I just want to find out if we can click over coffee as we did over martinis.
In the case of O, I’m letting him take the lead. He brought up meeting in-person last week and we finally agreed to a time and place for a face to face. We’ve had a number of long email exchanges during the past few weeks on topics like our careers, families, childhood, and dreams for the future. Who knows if we will get along in-person. I hope we do but chemistry can be a funny thing. And that is why I insisted that we not go to a restaurant like he suggested. It is so much easier to slip out quickly after ordering coffee than if you ordered an appetizer and entrée.
It shows you how traditional I am that I was very resistant to emailing J at first. I feel very strongly, like Patty, that a man should lead in the pursuit. That’s why I only emailed O after he contacted me with something more than a random line about my appearance. And that is why I waited for O to suggest that we meet in person. But in the case of J, I was so much an awkward wallflower during our last meeting that I felt the need to contact him. I knew that I didn’t give clear signals and that he wasn’t the type to take a chance and contact me anyway. My hope is that now he realizes that I am interested and that the ball is in his court. It seems like a silly cat and mouse game, and I’ve only just begun to try and understand it.
I am looking forward to both of my meetings with girlish glee. I feel exhilarated and powerfully female. Both meetings are exactly what I need to give me a much-needed ego boost when it comes to guys.
On a similar note, I had dinner with my ex tonight. It was awkward at times but enjoyable. I’m very glad that we are trying to transition from lovers/bffs to just friends. Despite all that has passed, he remains someone that I admire, love, and respect as a friend and as my past love. He is no longer my future. And that is okay.
6.27.2010
Women’s Golf Month
I went out on a group outing with some Hill staffers to the East Potomac Park Golf Course and Driving Range. We were there to celebrate women’s golf month, but also because we want to learn the basics of golf. There are a number of networking and fundraising events associated with the Hill that take place on golf coursea, and I think we all acknowledged that beyond the possibility of it becoming an extracurricular activity, golf is important for our professional development.
We met for lunch before heading out to the driving range to learn the basics of holding a club and how to stand and swing. I like the fact that there is a standard technique that is used throughout the game, no matter which club you are using. The lesson was informative and a lot of fun. We hit balls with a 9 iron for about an hour before calling it a day. Afterwards, we started talking about taking advantage of the $99 group classes so that we could continue to hone our skills—as a group. Yes, we were truly psyched about improving our skills.
Until this weekend, I never considered golf to be a game for me. I used to accompany Floyd to the driving range, and hit a few balls before giving up and reading a book while I waited for him. But I despite all that Tiger has done for the game, I continued to view golf as a sport for older, wealthy men of European descent. And I associated golf with a country club mentality that I wanted nothing do with.
But after my experience at the range this weekend, I am ready to have an open mind and give golf a real try.
We met for lunch before heading out to the driving range to learn the basics of holding a club and how to stand and swing. I like the fact that there is a standard technique that is used throughout the game, no matter which club you are using. The lesson was informative and a lot of fun. We hit balls with a 9 iron for about an hour before calling it a day. Afterwards, we started talking about taking advantage of the $99 group classes so that we could continue to hone our skills—as a group. Yes, we were truly psyched about improving our skills.
Until this weekend, I never considered golf to be a game for me. I used to accompany Floyd to the driving range, and hit a few balls before giving up and reading a book while I waited for him. But I despite all that Tiger has done for the game, I continued to view golf as a sport for older, wealthy men of European descent. And I associated golf with a country club mentality that I wanted nothing do with.
But after my experience at the range this weekend, I am ready to have an open mind and give golf a real try.
6.20.2010
France in August!
About a week ago, A-M, Cali, and I bought plane tickets for France. We had been talking about traveling to Europe for weeks and finally, we decided on a preferred country and departure date.
I am beyond excited about returning to France. My 10-day trip with my mother a few years ago, while wonderful, was simply not long enough to explore anything beyond Paris. And even then, there were parts of Paris I didn't get to see. But then, when traveling, is there ever really enough time?
So this August, I'll have 10 more days. We are ambitiously thinking of dividing our time between Paris, Bordeaux (or some other wine region), and then Nice or some other Provence city. I simply can't wait to watch the 9 pm sunset in Paris, and see castles, Mediterranean beaches, and fields of lavender in the other regions. I am quite certain that most of my money will willingly be spent on food--probably pastries.
We have about a month and a half to plan out as much of our trip as possible, knowing that our plans will change when we are actually there.
I am so happy to be returning to Europe and elated to be fulfilling my goal of more travel.
I am beyond excited about returning to France. My 10-day trip with my mother a few years ago, while wonderful, was simply not long enough to explore anything beyond Paris. And even then, there were parts of Paris I didn't get to see. But then, when traveling, is there ever really enough time?
So this August, I'll have 10 more days. We are ambitiously thinking of dividing our time between Paris, Bordeaux (or some other wine region), and then Nice or some other Provence city. I simply can't wait to watch the 9 pm sunset in Paris, and see castles, Mediterranean beaches, and fields of lavender in the other regions. I am quite certain that most of my money will willingly be spent on food--probably pastries.
We have about a month and a half to plan out as much of our trip as possible, knowing that our plans will change when we are actually there.
I am so happy to be returning to Europe and elated to be fulfilling my goal of more travel.
6.14.2010
Online Dating - Change of Plans
This week, I joined OkCupid. Yes, I’m starting to put myself out there—at least in the online dating world. I like the fact that there are more quirky men on the site and I find the tests and general layout more to my liking. Aside from the one person I’ve been emailing, POF has been a bust and I plan on removing my profile after one more week. I will probably remove my profile from Match as well.
I realize that my very short-lived online dating foray was the result of me panicking after turning 29 in May. I started to pressure myself to try to find love this year so that could, in fact, get married by 30 (that dreaded age, right?).
But now, I’ve calmed down. Thanks to the less than stellar options that I’ve seen on the dating sites (many older men, many uneducated/non-career focused men). I don’t think that I have unrealistic standards. But I don’t think it is picky to want to someone who is similar to me in the basics (values, ambition, financial security, career/life goals, etc). I don’t want to settle or waste my time. And I don't think I have to.
But what also changed my mind was chatting with my new mentor on the Hill. I told her about my concerns regarding whether I could be a successful, senior Hill staffer, with all the time demands that would entail—while also having a fulfilling personal life with a husband and kids. I mean, I barely have time for a personal life as a junior staffer. While she recognized that it depended on the office I worked for, if I had hired help, and whether my issues were “up” in a given year, she noted that many women are waiting to have kids these days and that it seems to work out for them. So instead of prior generations being all about their home life before, possibly, finding out that they want to pursue a career. Or the more recent generation of women seeking to have it all at the same time—and not quite achieving it without conflict and something failing (their marriage falling apart or their kids having to raise themselves). She noted that these days many women are seeking to first reach the pinnacle of their career before taking a break or slowing down to raise kids and then ramping back up when their kids are school age.
It may be silly but that reminder relieved so much pressure off my shoulders. I’ve been deeply concerned about my life plans ever since I turned 25 (the age when I was “supposed” to be married). And I often worried that my career drive and priorities was coming at the expense of ever having a family. But now I feel more secure about waiting until I am where I want to be professionally before I bring life into the world or adopt. My career is very important to me and I derive much of my personal value from work—as it is a way that I feel I am “making a difference.”
So, magically, I no longer feel under pressure to find someone this year or even the next. A male in my life would be nice but it isn’t a requirement for me to be happy and to feel complete. That’s something I need to achieve on my own.
So I’ll be on POF for another week and maybe OkCupid for a little while after that. Then, I’ll put away my online dating dreams—at least until I freak out again next year after turning 30.
Do get me wrong, I am still looking. But the pressure is off to find the true love this year or the next.
I realize that my very short-lived online dating foray was the result of me panicking after turning 29 in May. I started to pressure myself to try to find love this year so that could, in fact, get married by 30 (that dreaded age, right?).
But now, I’ve calmed down. Thanks to the less than stellar options that I’ve seen on the dating sites (many older men, many uneducated/non-career focused men). I don’t think that I have unrealistic standards. But I don’t think it is picky to want to someone who is similar to me in the basics (values, ambition, financial security, career/life goals, etc). I don’t want to settle or waste my time. And I don't think I have to.
But what also changed my mind was chatting with my new mentor on the Hill. I told her about my concerns regarding whether I could be a successful, senior Hill staffer, with all the time demands that would entail—while also having a fulfilling personal life with a husband and kids. I mean, I barely have time for a personal life as a junior staffer. While she recognized that it depended on the office I worked for, if I had hired help, and whether my issues were “up” in a given year, she noted that many women are waiting to have kids these days and that it seems to work out for them. So instead of prior generations being all about their home life before, possibly, finding out that they want to pursue a career. Or the more recent generation of women seeking to have it all at the same time—and not quite achieving it without conflict and something failing (their marriage falling apart or their kids having to raise themselves). She noted that these days many women are seeking to first reach the pinnacle of their career before taking a break or slowing down to raise kids and then ramping back up when their kids are school age.
It may be silly but that reminder relieved so much pressure off my shoulders. I’ve been deeply concerned about my life plans ever since I turned 25 (the age when I was “supposed” to be married). And I often worried that my career drive and priorities was coming at the expense of ever having a family. But now I feel more secure about waiting until I am where I want to be professionally before I bring life into the world or adopt. My career is very important to me and I derive much of my personal value from work—as it is a way that I feel I am “making a difference.”
So, magically, I no longer feel under pressure to find someone this year or even the next. A male in my life would be nice but it isn’t a requirement for me to be happy and to feel complete. That’s something I need to achieve on my own.
So I’ll be on POF for another week and maybe OkCupid for a little while after that. Then, I’ll put away my online dating dreams—at least until I freak out again next year after turning 30.
Do get me wrong, I am still looking. But the pressure is off to find the true love this year or the next.
6.07.2010
Online Dating - Nightmare on Privacy
Last night, I had a horrible dream centering around Hannibal Lecter, with guest appearances by my male roommate (shirtless and glistening with sweat after a morning run, of course...). The plot of the nightmare centered around the lack of privacy of my online profile. Yes, very lame--except for the whole roommate part.
Needless to say, I woke up around 230 a.m. and immediately made changes to my online account. I created a new email address to handle the correspondence, scoured my descriptions for any possible TMI, and strengthened a handful of my web passwords.
It was a weird way for my subconscious to flag my anxiety about putting my picture on the web. Oddly enough, I didn’t wake up with nightsweats after posting pictures or info on Facebook—and we all know that FB has privacy issues.
Last night, I performed a google search of my name. I hate that my info shows up on those background check websites—as linked to my mother, sister, and even my father. Supposedly all the information out there is just compiled from public records—in addition to the stuff that I’ve put up (via work and on FB/MySpace). I can’t imagine anyway around it other than totally dropping off the grid, only paying cash, and living in cabin somewhere.
I will definitely continue to be mindful when the time comes to actually meet someone. I don't care to have any more nightmares about my online dating ventures. For a refresher, check out this site for a few tips about online dating safety.
Needless to say, I woke up around 230 a.m. and immediately made changes to my online account. I created a new email address to handle the correspondence, scoured my descriptions for any possible TMI, and strengthened a handful of my web passwords.
It was a weird way for my subconscious to flag my anxiety about putting my picture on the web. Oddly enough, I didn’t wake up with nightsweats after posting pictures or info on Facebook—and we all know that FB has privacy issues.
Last night, I performed a google search of my name. I hate that my info shows up on those background check websites—as linked to my mother, sister, and even my father. Supposedly all the information out there is just compiled from public records—in addition to the stuff that I’ve put up (via work and on FB/MySpace). I can’t imagine anyway around it other than totally dropping off the grid, only paying cash, and living in cabin somewhere.
I will definitely continue to be mindful when the time comes to actually meet someone. I don't care to have any more nightmares about my online dating ventures. For a refresher, check out this site for a few tips about online dating safety.
6.06.2010
Online Dating Update - Added a Picture
Yes, it has been a while since my last post. Nothing major to report.
However, over the weekend, I created a profile on the free online dating site, Plenty of Fish. And I finally broke down today, and posted two pictures of myself. I don't think either picture really meets the recommended criteria for profile pictures put forth by Patty. I didn't add pictures of myself looking like my weekend casual self nor the glamed-up version that surfaces on special occasions. I choose two pictures somewhere in the middle, that show the real me on a good day.
I had resisted adding my picture to my online profile for months. Adding a picture makes it all so real. But I want to give it an honest try and I know that I won't find a guy who would want to date me purely from reading my clever profile description. Of course, I don't want the physical to be the main selling point as it is so fleeting. Yet, I can't deny that the physical is an important aspect of attraction--at least initial attraction. And I am just as interested in seeing the guy's picture as he is in seeing mine before initiating contact. Me promsing that I don't look like a troll just doesn't cut it.
It is amazing that online dating has become an accepted mode of finding a hookup as much as finding love. I don’t recall what changed to make it acceptable now. When I was in junior high, I remember Celestyn finding a guy via the internet. We were so worried for her, thinking that she’d end up meeting a pedophile instead of a 14-year-old guy. Back then, it was something new and a bit scary. Now, it can still be scary but it carries more promise and possibility.
Until the past few years, I pretty much relegated online dating to being a mode for folks who were too lazy, weird, socially inept, busy, etc to find dates the old fashion way: through mutual friends, at bars, via extracurricular activities. But now, I see that it is a great way to weed through some of the nonsense and game playing that you encounter at the bar scene and find guys who are just as interested in finding true love as you are. Sure, there are still a lot of frogs out there who will put up the facade of wanting a wife, when in reality they are looking to get in your pants in as few dates (and as little expense) as possible. And I still feel that the best way to find a guy is to revisit your social circles and ask friends to connect you with the single men they know. Coupled friends in particular are always keen to help a single buddy cross over.
But online dating—especially free online dating that has been endorsed by single friends—is worth a try. Depending how it goes, I might finally breakdown a pay for Match as well. But for now, I’m putting a few more toes in the water while I wait to be comfortable enough to just dive in.
However, over the weekend, I created a profile on the free online dating site, Plenty of Fish. And I finally broke down today, and posted two pictures of myself. I don't think either picture really meets the recommended criteria for profile pictures put forth by Patty. I didn't add pictures of myself looking like my weekend casual self nor the glamed-up version that surfaces on special occasions. I choose two pictures somewhere in the middle, that show the real me on a good day.
I had resisted adding my picture to my online profile for months. Adding a picture makes it all so real. But I want to give it an honest try and I know that I won't find a guy who would want to date me purely from reading my clever profile description. Of course, I don't want the physical to be the main selling point as it is so fleeting. Yet, I can't deny that the physical is an important aspect of attraction--at least initial attraction. And I am just as interested in seeing the guy's picture as he is in seeing mine before initiating contact. Me promsing that I don't look like a troll just doesn't cut it.
It is amazing that online dating has become an accepted mode of finding a hookup as much as finding love. I don’t recall what changed to make it acceptable now. When I was in junior high, I remember Celestyn finding a guy via the internet. We were so worried for her, thinking that she’d end up meeting a pedophile instead of a 14-year-old guy. Back then, it was something new and a bit scary. Now, it can still be scary but it carries more promise and possibility.
Until the past few years, I pretty much relegated online dating to being a mode for folks who were too lazy, weird, socially inept, busy, etc to find dates the old fashion way: through mutual friends, at bars, via extracurricular activities. But now, I see that it is a great way to weed through some of the nonsense and game playing that you encounter at the bar scene and find guys who are just as interested in finding true love as you are. Sure, there are still a lot of frogs out there who will put up the facade of wanting a wife, when in reality they are looking to get in your pants in as few dates (and as little expense) as possible. And I still feel that the best way to find a guy is to revisit your social circles and ask friends to connect you with the single men they know. Coupled friends in particular are always keen to help a single buddy cross over.
But online dating—especially free online dating that has been endorsed by single friends—is worth a try. Depending how it goes, I might finally breakdown a pay for Match as well. But for now, I’m putting a few more toes in the water while I wait to be comfortable enough to just dive in.
5.10.2010
Turned 29 in ATL
I spent the last few days in Atlanta. I flew in last Wednesday to attend my mom and aunt's retirement parties--that were scheduled for Thursday and Tuesday. Thankfully, my kind boss recognized what an once-in-a-lifetime occasion it was and let me take a week off from work.
So I turned 29 in Atlanta. It was so odd to be in Atlanta for my birthday and mother's day. I haven't done such a thing since high school.
I can't believe that I'm 29 now. I am committed to making the most of the last year of my twenties. I am amazed by how far I have come emotionally since my early twenties. I didn't know who I was or what I wanted back then. I clung to Floyd, hid under my schoolwork and novels, and spent more time alone contemplating life than out living it. I want to live it now that I finally (mostly) know myself. And for me that means, tackling my bucket list for DC, spending time with new and old friends, and checking out the dating scene.
It is amazing how quickly time flies. Hanging with my high school buddies this weekend, reminiscing over the old days but also filling in each other on what we want, love, or need these days was good for me. My high school buddies knew me back when I wore a retainer, swore my eternal love for Jordy and Josh, and when I had my first kiss, and first car. I can only hope that we continue to get old with each other.
It was also good to spend quality time with my family—even answering the million questions that my mom and aunt always pepper me with. I know they just want to find out if I’m okay. I am. More than okay actually, thank God. I am fortunate to say that I have no complaints.
So, it’s been a nice escape from D.C. I still have another day that I plan to spend watching tv, hanging out with my mom, reading chick-lit, and listening to music. I needed to refresh my batteries and take the time to remember what is really important to me. Especially in D.C., when it is so easy to get caught in the beltway bubble, the harried lifestyle and semi-cutthroat world of Hill politico-wannabes, it is good to get a glimpse of your old life and ways. It makes you more appreciative for how far you’ve come and even more driven to accomplish all that you set out to do.
So, here’s to an amazing 29th year of important decisions and perhaps, a few setbacks--but mostly lifelong memories.
So I turned 29 in Atlanta. It was so odd to be in Atlanta for my birthday and mother's day. I haven't done such a thing since high school.
I can't believe that I'm 29 now. I am committed to making the most of the last year of my twenties. I am amazed by how far I have come emotionally since my early twenties. I didn't know who I was or what I wanted back then. I clung to Floyd, hid under my schoolwork and novels, and spent more time alone contemplating life than out living it. I want to live it now that I finally (mostly) know myself. And for me that means, tackling my bucket list for DC, spending time with new and old friends, and checking out the dating scene.
It is amazing how quickly time flies. Hanging with my high school buddies this weekend, reminiscing over the old days but also filling in each other on what we want, love, or need these days was good for me. My high school buddies knew me back when I wore a retainer, swore my eternal love for Jordy and Josh, and when I had my first kiss, and first car. I can only hope that we continue to get old with each other.
It was also good to spend quality time with my family—even answering the million questions that my mom and aunt always pepper me with. I know they just want to find out if I’m okay. I am. More than okay actually, thank God. I am fortunate to say that I have no complaints.
So, it’s been a nice escape from D.C. I still have another day that I plan to spend watching tv, hanging out with my mom, reading chick-lit, and listening to music. I needed to refresh my batteries and take the time to remember what is really important to me. Especially in D.C., when it is so easy to get caught in the beltway bubble, the harried lifestyle and semi-cutthroat world of Hill politico-wannabes, it is good to get a glimpse of your old life and ways. It makes you more appreciative for how far you’ve come and even more driven to accomplish all that you set out to do.
So, here’s to an amazing 29th year of important decisions and perhaps, a few setbacks--but mostly lifelong memories.
4.30.2010
Going Fishing
Now that time and great friends have given me perspective on my missed connection last Friday, I realize the real lesson I learned: I feel ready to date again.
For such a long time, the strings on my heart from Floyd kept me from truly thinking about any guy in that way. And it definitely kept me from wholeheartedly allowing myself to pursue or be pursued by guys. I must admit that I’m not 100% over my ex and that I will probably compare any new guy I meet to him--at least at first. But I no longer have a silly fantasy of one day getting back with my ex. He is a friend, and I hope he is always a friend, but I know that an “us” really isn’t possible. Our paths crossed for several years and I am stronger and wiser for it all. But now, I must reentered the dating world.
I am scared. I am afraid of men and of sex. I don't know if I can effectively navigate that world after so many years of being out of circulation. Added to that, all the horror stories about dates from hell and immature, commitmentphobe boy-men, and I am all ready to commit myself to a life of celibacy and singlehood before I've even given it a try.
Yet, I know from experience that there is nothing like being in love. And from what I've heard, there is nothing like committing yourself to and growing old with the one person you can't live without.
Yes, I think I'm ready. I'm going to order two dozen dating profile cards, as suggested by Heather and Organica (what do you think about these, chicas?), to help out when I've found a worthwhile connection.
The big test will be when I see Floyd this weekend. I hope that I can keep it together and not revert to my old self. Although we have talked on the phone, I haven't seen him since he visited last summer and told me that we were totally over. So much has changed in my life since then--and for the better.
So quite timid and just a bit jaded, I'll slowly let my guard down in hopes of finding the one I can truly love forever.
For such a long time, the strings on my heart from Floyd kept me from truly thinking about any guy in that way. And it definitely kept me from wholeheartedly allowing myself to pursue or be pursued by guys. I must admit that I’m not 100% over my ex and that I will probably compare any new guy I meet to him--at least at first. But I no longer have a silly fantasy of one day getting back with my ex. He is a friend, and I hope he is always a friend, but I know that an “us” really isn’t possible. Our paths crossed for several years and I am stronger and wiser for it all. But now, I must reentered the dating world.
I am scared. I am afraid of men and of sex. I don't know if I can effectively navigate that world after so many years of being out of circulation. Added to that, all the horror stories about dates from hell and immature, commitmentphobe boy-men, and I am all ready to commit myself to a life of celibacy and singlehood before I've even given it a try.
Yet, I know from experience that there is nothing like being in love. And from what I've heard, there is nothing like committing yourself to and growing old with the one person you can't live without.
Yes, I think I'm ready. I'm going to order two dozen dating profile cards, as suggested by Heather and Organica (what do you think about these, chicas?), to help out when I've found a worthwhile connection.
The big test will be when I see Floyd this weekend. I hope that I can keep it together and not revert to my old self. Although we have talked on the phone, I haven't seen him since he visited last summer and told me that we were totally over. So much has changed in my life since then--and for the better.
So quite timid and just a bit jaded, I'll slowly let my guard down in hopes of finding the one I can truly love forever.
4.26.2010
Missed Connections
I apologize for dragging this topic out but I am still aggravated about Friday night. As you know, I posted a missed connection ad on Craigslist. I am aware that the rate of success from such posts is rather slim but I figured that it wouldn’t hurt to at least put it out there and let the universe decide. I like to think that I’ve racked up a fair amount of good karma over the years, so hopefully, the universe will reward me with the one thing I want the most right now: a second chance.
After I posted my ad, I started reading the other ads out there. There are so many. Most describe interactions that were brief and only on the surface. Others are a bit more bittersweet—about connecting with someone but subsequently, losing a phone number (and apparently not being able to find them on facebook).
I’d like to think that I fall in the bittersweet box. The more I think about it, the more I believe that I was provided the real deal, a high-quality, single male. Someone who was clearly interested in me. Someone who I was drawn to and felt safe with. But I don’t remember his full name, and I’m quite sure that I’ll never see him again. Yes, I am hopeful but I am also a realist.
I wonder how many people miss out on great loves because of circumstances that get in the way. I do believe in Fate and the idea that our life experiences are meant to teach us lessons. I also hope that the unresolved feelings I have about the guy I met will result in karmic déjà vu—and hopefully I’ll meet him again in this lifetime and not the next.
It is possible that the guy was just a mirage. A means to remind me of my deepest desires and goals. That I want to find my soul mate, the holy grail of dating: the “mind-blowing lover/life partner/best friend forever/father of my children/husband til death do us part”. Since Floyd and I split, I’ve sort of shut down and built extra walls around my heart. I immediately think the worse of any guy who tries to talk to me. Or worse, I immediately evaluate the guy in terms of the holy grail I am seeking. And that isn’t fair to the guy or myself.
So today, I am kicking myself still. In a week or two, I hope that I would have finished internalizing my faults and truly committed myself to being the confident, sassy chica around all the guys that I meet, even the ones I like.
After I posted my ad, I started reading the other ads out there. There are so many. Most describe interactions that were brief and only on the surface. Others are a bit more bittersweet—about connecting with someone but subsequently, losing a phone number (and apparently not being able to find them on facebook).
I’d like to think that I fall in the bittersweet box. The more I think about it, the more I believe that I was provided the real deal, a high-quality, single male. Someone who was clearly interested in me. Someone who I was drawn to and felt safe with. But I don’t remember his full name, and I’m quite sure that I’ll never see him again. Yes, I am hopeful but I am also a realist.
I wonder how many people miss out on great loves because of circumstances that get in the way. I do believe in Fate and the idea that our life experiences are meant to teach us lessons. I also hope that the unresolved feelings I have about the guy I met will result in karmic déjà vu—and hopefully I’ll meet him again in this lifetime and not the next.
It is possible that the guy was just a mirage. A means to remind me of my deepest desires and goals. That I want to find my soul mate, the holy grail of dating: the “mind-blowing lover/life partner/best friend forever/father of my children/husband til death do us part”. Since Floyd and I split, I’ve sort of shut down and built extra walls around my heart. I immediately think the worse of any guy who tries to talk to me. Or worse, I immediately evaluate the guy in terms of the holy grail I am seeking. And that isn’t fair to the guy or myself.
So today, I am kicking myself still. In a week or two, I hope that I would have finished internalizing my faults and truly committed myself to being the confident, sassy chica around all the guys that I meet, even the ones I like.
4.24.2010
Got No Game
I am sitting up a little angry and a little disappointed in myself, and decided to post just to get this off my chest.
I need to work on not being shy and aloof around guys—especially the ones I like. I am so afraid of rejection and I lack the self-confidence when it comes to men to truly assert myself.
I’ve had countless talks with friends—especially Organica—about my need to get over it and just put myself out there. Sure, I’m shy but that doesn’t give me a pass to be an aloof wallflower for the rest of my life.
Tonight, I met a great guy. We talked and danced for quite some time. I later learned that he asked my friend about me, noting that he liked me but wasn’t getting a vibe of reciprocity from me.
I guess his interest was obvious but for some reason, I felt the need to reject him or push him away before he could do that to me. It wasn't intentional but it was the vibe I gave off and eventually, we parted.
It’s a warped expression of my sense of self-worth, distrustfulness, and attractiveness when it comes to guys. But I don’t know where it comes from. I like myself. And I’m a strong, confident woman most of the time. But whenever, I am around guys, especially funny, charming guys who like me, I falter and the self-conscious, unsure little girl in me comes out.
It’s something that I need to work on so that the next guy who comes along who appears to be the real deal and wants to get to know me, can get a fair chance.
In the meantime, I’ve posted a missed connection--one of my favorite pastimes from the college years. I know it won’t amount to anything. But putting it out on the web and into the cosmos, I hope will send something positive my way.
Regardless, I've learned my lesson. I can't let good guys get away or I'll end up alone (with a family of stray cats).
I need to work on not being shy and aloof around guys—especially the ones I like. I am so afraid of rejection and I lack the self-confidence when it comes to men to truly assert myself.
I’ve had countless talks with friends—especially Organica—about my need to get over it and just put myself out there. Sure, I’m shy but that doesn’t give me a pass to be an aloof wallflower for the rest of my life.
Tonight, I met a great guy. We talked and danced for quite some time. I later learned that he asked my friend about me, noting that he liked me but wasn’t getting a vibe of reciprocity from me.
I guess his interest was obvious but for some reason, I felt the need to reject him or push him away before he could do that to me. It wasn't intentional but it was the vibe I gave off and eventually, we parted.
It’s a warped expression of my sense of self-worth, distrustfulness, and attractiveness when it comes to guys. But I don’t know where it comes from. I like myself. And I’m a strong, confident woman most of the time. But whenever, I am around guys, especially funny, charming guys who like me, I falter and the self-conscious, unsure little girl in me comes out.
It’s something that I need to work on so that the next guy who comes along who appears to be the real deal and wants to get to know me, can get a fair chance.
In the meantime, I’ve posted a missed connection--one of my favorite pastimes from the college years. I know it won’t amount to anything. But putting it out on the web and into the cosmos, I hope will send something positive my way.
Regardless, I've learned my lesson. I can't let good guys get away or I'll end up alone (with a family of stray cats).
4.20.2010
FDA to Address Salt
I'm overjoyed by the latest news that FDA plans to limit amount of salt allowed in processed foods for health reasons. This blog's namesake comes from my concern with the amount of sodium in the foods I eat. I've always loved the taste of salt. I can remember eating table salt in small handfuls as a child and loading up on olives and pickles for that salty high. I look back in wonder that I don't have major medical problems now (especially after years of buttery grits+bacon breakfasts and cooking in cast iron skillet with fat drippings or butter. What a revolution it was when we first got a non-stick pan!). High blood pressure runs in my family, so, I recognize the need to adopt a low-sodium diet now instead of waiting until I'm older and years of salt excess starts to take its toll. I don't want to have to take blood pressure meds or take drastic dietary changes when I'm 40+ like the older members of my family. Now, I try to avoid cooking with salt and consuming processed foods that are loaded with it. But it can be hard.
Three cheers for FDA and NYC's initiative. Sure, it may seem like Big Brother is once again meddling in the minutiae of our lives. For the record, I don't have a problem with Big Brother. But when there is such an obesity and wellness crisis occurring in our country--especially among children, teenagers, and people of color, I don't have any problems with the government stepping in, in an attempt to help Americans become healthier and live longer.
Three cheers for FDA and NYC's initiative. Sure, it may seem like Big Brother is once again meddling in the minutiae of our lives. For the record, I don't have a problem with Big Brother. But when there is such an obesity and wellness crisis occurring in our country--especially among children, teenagers, and people of color, I don't have any problems with the government stepping in, in an attempt to help Americans become healthier and live longer.
4.19.2010
"In Heat"
Over the weekend, I found myself watching a handful of Patti Stanger's tip videos on Bravotv. I must say The Millionaire Matchmaker is a guilty pleasure. I love watching Patti interact with her clients and give out advice to the men and women she tries to match. I don't know if I agree with everything she says but I think she provides a no-holds-barred view of modern dating that may turn out to be very helpful to a dating novice like me. Yes, I've already requested her book from the library.
In one of the tip videos she recommended that women date three guys at once: one guy who may be a keeper, one guy you aren't sure about, and one guy who is a definite no but who you have a lot of fun with (think: a go-to escort for a theatre night, friend's wedding, work gathering, etc). Having all three helps to ensure that you always have options on a friday night if your first choice, "the keeper," isn't available. But, perhaps, most importantly, it ensures that you don't become a woman "in heat"--one who is dying for male attention--romantic or otherwise. I guess that is another way of saying that "having a pair plus a spare" helps you avoid giving off the desperation vibe.
That really hit home for me. I think I have a deficiency of male attention in my life. I have a few male friends at and outside of work, but I'm not even close to having even three candidates to fill the spots. And I can only imagine that helps to create or add to my "stay away" vibe.
I think it would be good to have a larger male perspective in my life. Having more male friends will help me become less nervous, eager, and neurotic around cute guys so that when the guy I really want comes along, I am cool, confident, calm and collected--and not the needy version of myself who jumps ahead to wedding bells.
But first, I have to stop feeling uneasy about adding males to the mix. And for that I need to see every guy as a potential friend and not automatically evaluate him as potential boyfriend/lover/husband material.
So no, I am not ready to date yet. But I am ready to meet some new men--as friends.
It looks like I will be joining a kickball league with an old friend. I think he and kickball will be just the ticket to adding to my repertoire.
In one of the tip videos she recommended that women date three guys at once: one guy who may be a keeper, one guy you aren't sure about, and one guy who is a definite no but who you have a lot of fun with (think: a go-to escort for a theatre night, friend's wedding, work gathering, etc). Having all three helps to ensure that you always have options on a friday night if your first choice, "the keeper," isn't available. But, perhaps, most importantly, it ensures that you don't become a woman "in heat"--one who is dying for male attention--romantic or otherwise. I guess that is another way of saying that "having a pair plus a spare" helps you avoid giving off the desperation vibe.
That really hit home for me. I think I have a deficiency of male attention in my life. I have a few male friends at and outside of work, but I'm not even close to having even three candidates to fill the spots. And I can only imagine that helps to create or add to my "stay away" vibe.
I think it would be good to have a larger male perspective in my life. Having more male friends will help me become less nervous, eager, and neurotic around cute guys so that when the guy I really want comes along, I am cool, confident, calm and collected--and not the needy version of myself who jumps ahead to wedding bells.
But first, I have to stop feeling uneasy about adding males to the mix. And for that I need to see every guy as a potential friend and not automatically evaluate him as potential boyfriend/lover/husband material.
So no, I am not ready to date yet. But I am ready to meet some new men--as friends.
It looks like I will be joining a kickball league with an old friend. I think he and kickball will be just the ticket to adding to my repertoire.
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