Giving Thanks

I am thankful every day for the progress that I have made in my life during the past year. I am feeling happier, smarter, sexier, and more confident than I have ever felt in my life. Perhaps, I have "found myself." Thanks to the breakup with Floyd, thanks to phenomenal friends, thanks to the unconditional support of my family, and thanks to all the annoying challenges that life sent my way.

Last night, I spent a few hours writing in my journal about my priorities for my life. I feel that I now have a better grasp of what will make me happy in the long term in regards to a husband, family, career, lifestyle, location, etc. I am feeling optimistic about my future. And I am grateful for that.

This year, in particular, I am thankful for the persistence of my inner voice that has reminded me of my childhood hopes and charged me to chase my dreams.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Two Meetings

Floyd
Yesterday, I had lunch with Floyd. He had been suggesting that we hang out since the summertime. I figured it either it was to 1) let me know that he was getting married; 2) ask me for a second chance. The former would have been expected as it is always the result of dating a guy who doesn’t believe in marriage: Suddenly discovers that he does want to get married (just not to you). The later, while flattering, just makes me squirm.

I felt that it was important to have lunch with him given that he has been rather supportive in my pursuits to go abroad. But sure enough, he wanted to meet so that he could tell me that he is dating someone that he hopes to get serious with.

I find that quite amusing. Without a doubt, it has yanked the bandage off the emotions I thought had dissipated with time. To be honest, I am truly over him, but I am not over our relationship—or at least, I miss the carefree, in-love Hippo I was during that time. Now, I am happy, for sure, but a little jaded and definitely more guarded.

I know that his heart was in the right place in wanting to tell me in-person. A random meeting with him and his new love would have been awkward. I wish that I was able to tell him in response that I am also in a loving relationship.

Well, actually, I am in a loving relationship...with myself (possibly the most important relationship of all). Amazingly with Floyd gone, I have learned to love me.

Life Goals
A day later, I met a woman that I admire for coffee. I wanted to get her advice and encouragement about the career and personal options I am considering for the next few years. The most striking thing that she noted was how important this time in my life is; how it is very important to be building a foundation in my career and personal life now. And that I need to make important decision about what is important to me in regards to a family life and my career. She shared with me a few stories of her friends who are facing 40+ and made bad decisions.

Our conversation helped to put things into perspective, but it has also increased my anxiety about making the right choices during the upcoming years. My heart and fancy scream France, but maybe I should listen to my brain and be a bit more measured about taking that risk.

My twenties have been a time of following the rules and working hard. Thankfully, all my efforts are paying off. I would hate to make a misstep now that would destroy all that I have built, or that would make it harder for me to achieve all of my dreams in the future.

My mother will visit me in December. I look forward to seriously finally opening up to her so that I can get her advice. Then, I'll need to take time to reevaluate my priorities so that I can chart a path that is realistic but also respects the vision of my life that I had as a little girl.

The Election & My Hill Job

The past two weeks have been interesting.  My personal life is good.  My applications to for international work programs are still in the works.  But there has been a marked increase in anxiety, tension and sadness at work.

The elections are going to change the landscape on the Hill next year—not just from a policy perspective but in terms of the circles of friends that I've made on the Hill.  I am very fortunate that I should be able to continue my job next year but some of my friends won't. 

It is shocking that so many Members of Congress who have devoted their careers to helping out their constituents and making America better--won't be here next year.  So much institutional knowledge goes with them.  So much tireless service disregarded by the electorate in a misguided wave of anti-incumbent fervor.  The wave has stripped the Democrats of their reign in the House--a reign that has lead to major legislative accomplishments for our country including health care reform, Wall Street reform, credit card reform, and education loan reform.  For some reason, the American public--at least the ones who voted--decided to ignore all that in favor of a party that doesn't have any ideas and whose sole purpose is to serve the rich and corporate America.  Their "Pledge to America" is a plague on America.

 

Okay, off my soapbox now.  Oddly enough, the changes to come have gotten me fired up to work even harder in the new Congress.  It will be a fascinating time for the House and I remain grateful for the privledge of being a part of the fight -- even if only for a little while longer.

Musings on Voting Early in D.C.

I just spent my lunch hour registering to vote in Washington, DC. Yes, I recognize that DC doesn’t have full representation but it is my home. And after spending over a year back in the city, it seems silly to be registered in MD or even GA--though, I haven't decided if I will change my GA license...

I’ve heard that folks get called for jury duty almost immediately after registering to vote. Well see if that is the case for me. I hope not.

It feels nice to have exercised my right to vote—given all the folks who fought to give that right to women and people of color.

And I encourage everyone who is reading my blog to vote early or next Tuesday. This is an important election. And I'm sure you remember the lesson from the 2000 election: every vote really does count.

Journaling Does Wonders

"If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours." (Thoreau)

 

Over the weekend, I did a bit of soul searching after reading a book on taking a sabbatical ("Unplugged:  How to Disconnect from the Rat Race, Have an Existential Crisis, and Find Meaning and Fulfillment").  The book really got me thinking about what I really want out of my sabbatical—and what I want out of my life.  

 

The most important thing that the book has done is that it has gotten me to start writing in my journal again (the author really pushes journal writing).  I used to write in my journal all the time, but over time (especially after I started this blog) my journal writing decreased.  I am trying to change that.

 

I've always believed that life is about love and learning lessons.  And I feel that the people and experiences that come into our lives – no matter how briefly – serve the purpose of providing you with new insight and giving you a chance to love (yourself and/or others).  If you are lucky and mindful, you'll always get both. 

 

In writing in my journal during the past few days I've come to several realizations – thoughts that have always been with me but that I ignored or discounted.  Here are just a few:

 

1)     I want to raise my children in Europe.  Most of my friends have heard me say that I want to raise my children in a household where Spanish, French, and English are spoken.  I always joke that I'll have to work two jobs to afford an educated, multilingual nanny.  But in reality, I always thought that it would be best to a) marry someone who spoke at least two of those languages; b) learn those languages myself; and c) raise my children abroad—even if for just the first 5 or 10 years.  Oddly enough, I used to talk about this  with Floyd, but over the years, I somehow "forgot" about how important those things are to me.  What that means for my career, for my love life, for everything that I've tried to build in DC, I don't know…  It is odd that I'm now talking about settling down, getting married and having children in the next 5 years—after spending most of 2008 and 2009 writing off men and babies (residual bitterness post-Floyd?). Thank you journal and thank you random French guy from Craigslist.

 

2)     Working on the Hill is a pit stop in my journey.  I was blinded by the excitement and the newness of political life on the Hill for about 2 years.  But now feel that this is not my true calling. It is not the sort of lifestyle I want and I don't know if it is the best way for me to be effective at "changing the world" (see #3).  For sure, it has been an once-in-a-lifetime experience.  And thankfully, it has reminded me of my love of language, of writing, and of communications.  I don't know if that means I belong with a nonprofit consumer education group, with a PR consulting firm, or perhaps, writing books (children's books!) or articles on environmental topics.

 

3)     The other thing that has resurfaced is the fact that I still don't know if I am meant to effect change top-down or bottom-up.  This has been my worry ever since I was in high school. I sense that my heart will always be in environmental education and helping children, so maybe it's time to explore my college dream of opening an afterschool program focused on cultural exchange and environmental education (another dream that I somehow "forgot" until recently!  That's why keeping a journal and rereading old entries is so valuable.)

 

The list could go on.  The bottom-line is that I've realized that the anxiety I've felt ever since I decided to take a career break is grounded in a more basic worry that I am not spending my short time on Earth "wisely."  I no longer want to live on autopilot, just floating through life.  I must seek to discover and then, consciously work toward my own personal sense of fulfillment, happiness, and peace—now. 

 

So, I'm going to spend the next year or two exploring what is important to me; avoiding the noise, the negativity, and the doubt (from myself and from others).  Of course, there will be distractions, setbacks, and detours, but I am optimistic that if work hard, stay focused, and sacrifice as needed, I will be able to create the life of my dreams.

Two Random Stories

During the Columbus Day weekend, I had two experiences that gave me pause.

Sundress

When I was walking in my hood one afternoon, I noticed that the woman walking in front of me was providing a peepshow to the neighborhood. Somehow, her wrapdress had hooked itself on her large bag so that the entire length of her right leg was in full view. Added to that, the light breeze, and you got a clear shot of her green underwear.

After hesitating for a bit, thinking that one of the other people walking in front of me would surely alert the woman (typical bystander effect as no one did), I caught up with the woman. I tactfully told her that her dress was hitched rather high, probably because of her bag. Instead of saying thank you, this woman said something to the effect of whatever. So I continued, trying to make her understand how serious the situation was: "I can literally see everything, honey." She looked at my blankly. So I was like, fine, whatever, and walked off.

Who knows if she did readjust her dress? When I told a friend about this, she figured that the girl was doing it on purpose. I doubt that. She wasn't a particularly attractive woman, but rather a non-descript 20-something in a sundress. And she did not look like the type who was looking for attention or action. Or maybe that was her shtick.

If I was her, I would have been profusely grateful. But no, she had an attitude.

People are weird.

Quarters

During that same weekend, I was walking near the Columbia Heights fountain. It was a beautiful day and everyone (and their grandma) was out eating fro-yo, chatting, and simply walking around. On my way to the metro, I noticed two gleaming quarters on the sidewalk. I paused. They were on tails and being the pseudo-superstitious person that I am I debated picking them up.

For those of you who know about my tendency of finding money ($5, $20, $100) on the ground, you might assume that I left the quarters there. I don't have a problem picking up coins—as long as they are on heads. I have a problem with claiming bills that aren't mine—as I'm freaked out by the sort of karma that may be tied to them.

So, I bent over to pick them up. But they wouldn't budge. I literally scrapped the surface of my nails on the concrete trying to pry away the first and then the second quarter. After about a minute, I shrugged it off with an embarrassed laugh and went on my way.

I imagine that someone super-glued them to the sidewalk and was sitting somewhere nearby watching fools like me try to remove the quarters in vain.

Oddly, enough, when I returned home that night, the quarters were gone. I guess someone was carrying around some acetone or a nail file to effectively pick them up. You better believe that I would have tried both if I had them.

Career Break - Still on Track

Last night, I had a heart-to-heart with my mother about my plans for a year abroad. The night before she sent me an email that included the lines: “Why are you rushing this? You have a once-in-a-lifetime job opportunity that pays well and has benefits. Are you ready to handle the change in your lifestyle when you are abroad and when you return? ”

Of course, I spent the day with a stress headache thinking about my mother’s email. It was odd that she sent her words of doubt only a few weeks after giving me her blessing. It turns out that my mother didn’t quite understand my plans—that I had a plan. I think she imagined that I was going to buy a one-way ticket to France and live as a street performer. That is not the case.

The good thing about yesterday was that it refocused me. I realize now how much I value an experience abroad that is professional in nature. Sure, I've spent hours researching university language program. I have even selected my top 4 choices (3 in Lyon and 1 in Avignon). While learning French is the fundamental objective of my break, I am reaching for more. My first choice is finding a fellowship or internship program that I can provide me with professional experiences and skills that directly relate to my career goals.

Reading articles like this one in The New York Times earlier this week, reminded me that I’m not the first person (nor the last) to contemplate a career sabbatical. Floyd did it for a year. I remember how skeptical I was about his plan. He is now one of my cheerleaders.

So, I’m going to continue to scour the web and talk to people. I need to amass as much information as I can. It is all stressing me out but it’s a happy stress. A stress that is motivating me to turn my deepest dreams in to a plan.

I want to do this break right. Sure, there will be hiccups along the way but I want to be sure that I explore all of my options and put in place a sound safety net for my time outside of the rat race and particularly, for when I return.

An Election Year & Job Security

This week, I felt the need to remind my mother of the reality of a political staffer in an election year:  many of us may be out of a job in a few months.

 

There are a fair amount of nervous staffers on the Hill.  They are worried not only about their boss's reelection but about whether Democrats will remain in power and how that will impact leadership positions and committee membership.

 

The elections this fall are undoubtedly important to the lives and policy goals of the staffers and their bosses.  But the election will also serve an important gauge of the commonsense of the American people (sorta like how America's commonsense was reflected in the reelection of Bush in 2004).  Will we choose to let anger and cynicism dominate – bred by the realities of economic hardship, partisan wrangling, and the campaign of misinformation and fear waged by the Republican Party and its media arm, Fox News?  I could devote an entire blog to slamming Fox News and Republicans, but I prefer not to waste my time. I'll also avoid enumerating all the notable things that Democrats and President Obama have done during the past 2 years and why the vision and actions of the Democrat party are better for our nation.  There are enough blogs out there who would do a better job than I on both topics.

 

In the face of the upcoming elections, I am not particularly worried about my career on the Hill.  I will be sad to lose my job, and I know that I will have to compete with hundreds of former Democratic staffers for off-Hill jobs.  Most likely, I'll just move home and prepare for an early departure to France.  

 

The thing I am anxious about, that truly makes me sad, is the thought that Americans will chose to not vote this November.  And worse, will choose to not be informed voters this November (Fox News viewers:  Switch over to NewsHour, BBCWorld, MSNBC, or CNN for just 30 minutes each day.  You'll get an education;  Non-FoxNews Viewers:  Check out FoxNews for just 30 minutes each day, and I promise that you'll be motivated to get politically involved or at least motivated to stay aware of current events and policies).

 

So much is at stake this year.  And not to sound cliché, but I will say it anyway, the future of America depends on having thoughtful voters who elect selfless leaders into office, leaders who are not focused on scoring political points, but instead honestly want to improve America for the benefit of all Americans.

A Modern American Woman

Over the weekend, I met with my language exchange partner and we discussed the differences between our two cultures.  He is a Francophone from Cameroon.  He admitted that he was struck by the fact that I was making plans for the future that did not involve a family life.  Instead, everything related to my career, my education, and my travel goals.  He noted how different things are in his own country and culture.

 

That is the wonder and beauty of being a modern American woman.  I have choices.  I can get married, or not.  I can have children, or not.  I can be a housewife, or a career woman.  

 

Thankfully, the stigma of being unmarried at 50 or even 30 isn't what it used to be.  Women are putting off or avoiding altogether marriage and babies.  Women are defining themselves based on their career and community activities, and not based on their husbands/partners.  

 

My mother, grandmother, and so many other women who came before me fought long and hard to give me options.  

 

I smile everyday that I go to work for a powerful female boss.  (Nope, I'm not a sexually harassed secretary for a male boss!  And as an African American woman, I can aspire to do more than work as a maid or a nanny.)

 

I smile when I come home to my co-ed house (Nope, I don't have to live with my parents until I get married!).  

 

I smile when I book a ticket to France using my own cash (Yep, I have my own bank account and I can travel without a chaperone).  

 

I smile knowing that I went to school to become a more knowledgeable person and to further my career not to increase my prospects for finding a husband before I got too old.  I smile knowing that I was able to go to school.

 

I can't imagine living in a culture or in a time period where my only option, my expected ambition, was to get married and have babies.  A time period and culture where my views, desires, and abilities were secondary to those of men. 

 

I must note that I do not have a problem with any woman who aspires to succeed as a wife and mother.  That is a beautiful, meaningful choice as well.  What I do have a problem with is being limited by my gender.  And, thankfully, as a modern, American woman, I am not. 

Language Exchange

I'm sure my readers are tired of me writing about France and my French language pursuits.  But I can't help it if dreams of France dominate my free time.  I recently signed up for a French-English language exchange partner and a French pen pal.  

 

French-English language exchange partner

I met with my language exchange partner last week and I think we will try to meet on a weekly basis from now on.  He is from Cameroon and a student in Maryland.  He's hoping to improve his English and he is willing to help me with my pronunciation and understanding of the French language and culture.  (And yes, I am aware that Cameroon French is not the same as Parisian French or French in the Loire Valley.)  The focus was definitely on English during our first meeting—mainly because I still don't know enough vocabulary (especially verb conjugations) to express myself beyond the basics.  I hope that future sessions are more evenly split between English and French—but first I need to learn more.  I definitely plan on getting him to check my French resume and teaching assistantship essay for grammar errors.  And I've already offered to review anything that he writes for school.  

 

French pen pal

During the past two weeks, I've been exchanging emails with a French guy who lives in Paris.  We exchange emails almost everyday—half in English and half in French.   It has been a great way for me to learn new vocabulary words and also to learn about the life of a Frenchman.  Most of our emails are about our lifestyles and our plans for the future.  But we have also exchanged our views on hot political topics like retirement reform in France and plans to build a mosque near Ground Zero.  I hope to find a Frenchwoman to email next – so that I can get a female's perspective on life in France and of course, her perspective on Frenchmen. And yes, I still get the occasional email from that French guy in Tours.  Hopefully, I can remain connected with both guys—make even more friends—to help in my transition.  I imagine that it will be easy for me to make English-speaking friends via whatever program I join.  But it will be more difficult to make French friends who are willing to help me integrate into French society and avoid the common foreigner/tourist mistakes (like the societal norm on kissing…).

 

 

I must admit that I am anxious to move.  Blame it on "Hill burnout" and a lack of exercise, but I am walking zombie most days.  Most of all, I'm feeling disillusioned and cynical about what happens on the Hill and how much of a difference I can make.  The DC bubble seems so toxic these days and I'm just tired of the misinformation, the ignorance, and the spin.  Of course, I blame the other side.  

 

Mostly, I need a break from the rat race.  February, August, or whatever month next year I mark for my departure can't come soon enough.

 

So that's my update.  I promise that my next post will NOT be about France.

Une Rêveuse

I spent the past week attempting to immerse myself in the French language and culture. I am still optimistic that I will be close to achieving the B2 level (!!) by December given that I devote most of my free time to learning new words, studying grammar, translating sentences, listening to French music and news, watching French movies, and writing/speaking French in class. My French self-study and new immersion class are both a little overwhelming and tiring. But I am shockingly driven to achieve French proficiency within the next few months (for the teaching assistantship) and year (for school, work, etc in France).

One of the French movies I watched over the weekend was Amélie. Indeed, it is a beloved French movie, quite whimsical and fun. But it was a movie that made me worry about my own quirks—especially after hearing this line from Raymond Dufayel, the “Glassman”:

“You mean she would rather imagine herself relating to an absent person than build relationships with those around her?”

It is true that I live in a dreamworld. It is odd that I am that way given that I had an older sister to play with, but as my parents would attest, I was always reserved and tended to keep to myself. While I am much more social these days, I still relish and often, seek out solitude. It’s just my personality I guess, though one could also blame the fact that my favorite hobbies (reading and writing) tend to be independent activities.

And I am a dreamer. I live so much of my life in my imagination and in my mind—thinking about the present, the past, and the future. I’m sure that reading and writing so much fiction reinforces this.

My question is whether this has prevented me from living life. Without a doubt, I have an active, fulfilling internal life. But am I missing out on something else?

There are so many people out there who are unable to be alone. I pity them. I can entertain myself for hours with my imagination alone. Add in bright sunshine and puffy clouds (and snacks, of course), and I’m good for an entire day of solitude.

And yet, it probably is a fault to live too little in the world. Life is about relationships, learning, and love. And, although I can do all of those things alone, there is a greater chance for personal growth in doing them with others.

So, I must seek a better balance. That means, for example, I won’t prevent myself from imagining wonderfully romantic events starring me and my latest crush. But I will put myself out there more often so that I can have a chance to, in reality, experience all that I dream.

Afros & Hippos - Getting Back to My Roots

For the past few years, I’ve been contemplating breaking my addition to the “creamy crack”. (For full disclosure, I had no idea what that term referred to until I watched Chris Rock’s “Good Hair.”)

I’ve been getting my hair chemically relaxed since I was in 7th grade. Before then, my mother would plait my hair every morning with pretty clips and bows. For special occasions like Easter or my birthday, I might get a hot comb treatment. I was always amazed by how different my hair felt and looked when it was straightened. My hair would actually blow in the wind and do all the sorts of things I felt that “good hair” would do. I can’t say that my mother taught me the idea of “good hair” as my mother has had an afro since the early 1970s. So, I’d assume my understanding of “good hair” was the product of the attitudes of my school friends and my own comparison of my Barbie’s straight blonde locks and my own “nappy” mane.

The summer before I started junior high, my mother agreed that it was time to start getting my hair relaxed so that I could pursue all the styles I wanted without her having to deal with pressing my hair (only to have me ruin it in the shower, when exercising, or in the rain). I loved getting my hair relaxed. But I don’t think I was ever truly satisfied with chemically straightened hair, and that was probably because until recently, I didn’t know much about the process of chemically straightening hair and the importance of a specialized regime to ensure that your treated hair remains healthy. So, I even then I normally sported a ponytail or bun. It was easy and got my hair out of the way—and now it is my signature look.

I do wish that I had chosen to not go relaxed at 13, but then, I don’t know how I would have coped with being the only natural-haired Black girl at school. A lot has changed over the years. Natural hairstyles are much more mainstream and so many women have learned to embraces their natural curls.

So, this brings me to my latest bright idea. I want to grow out my hair. This desire stems from environmental, spiritual, and even financial reasons. Whereas I used to abhor any new growth, I now rejoice in seeing and feeling its texture and curl. I want to experience having a whole head of texture and curl—something I haven’t had in over 15 years.

Transitioning
Back when I was applying to Peace Corps, I figured that I would go natural before my departure. I wasn’t sure how I would be able to maintain my relaxer routine if I lived in a remote village, and I figured it would be the perfect way to transition from relaxed to natural without having to deal with the reaction of people who are used by my “straightened and pulled-back” style.

Doing it now frightens me. I worry about the reaction of my friends, my coworkers, and guys. I wonder if I will be perceived as attractive to men sporting a ‘fro—particularly men who aren’t African American (you know that I always find myself attracted to Latinos and White men). Will those men find me attractive or will they be put-off by a natural style? But then, would I want to date that sort of guy anyway? And I wonder how it will change other people’s perception of me in the workplace—especially as I seek to pursue fellowships, internships, and other professional opportunities abroad.

So the reaction of others definitely worries me. But I don’t think that is enough as the only reaction that matters is my own. I’m not really afraid of the actual change in hair texture and style. I have my mother to thank for that. Plus, cutting my hair off and sporting a funky ‘fro shouldn’t be that much of a change given that I don’t rely on my hair in framing my face and my hair has never really defined my style—it’s always just sorta there.

So, how soon until my “Big Chop”? My vote is for a few months of transitioning (i.e., letting my natural hair grow out) before getting it cut and styled into a funky ‘fro. I plan on consulting with a trusted stylist who sports a natural do this weekend. I look forward to hearing what she recommends and then, asking my mother for her blessing (as is required for all major life decisions).

Oui, c’est possible: A hippo with an afro in 2011.

My Plan of Attack

During the past week, I’ve shared my dreams of going abroad with a number of friends. Everyone is very supportive but interestingly, they are surprised to learn that I am actively pursuing this goal (i.e., drafting a personal statement for one application, meeting with people, learning French at home, etc). It is true that, in the past, I’ve talked about doing a lot of things that never panned out. But this time, I am not following some random, bright idea, but the voice of the “little girl” inside of me who always longed to live abroad and be immersed in the French and Spanish language and culture. It’s the voice that I tried to follow back when I applied to Peace Corps. And then, my life on the Hill and the allure of being settled in DC distracted me. Now, I’m back on track.

So here is my plan for achieving my goal. This will probably change as I learn about additional programs (gotta network, network, network!!) or realize that I actually don’t want to live abroad (I can’t imagine that would ever happen, but who knows…). I've included links for those of you who are interested in the same sort of thing.

1) Tell My Boss
This actually wasn’t supposed to happen for a few more weeks, but Monday I found myself in the curious position of having a heart-to-heart with my boss about my plans. She was very supportive, which is great—especially as I’ll be asking her for recommendations. But it is intimidating to put an official marker out there saying that you intend to do something. It makes it all real and increases the pressure not to fail.

2) Learn French
Today, I forked over a month’s worth of rent for two French classes at the Alliance Française in DC. Hopefully, my language acquisition via AF is much better than my Spanish review at ILI. Regardless, I am striving to reach a level of proficiency sufficient to successfully compete for the Teaching Assistant Program in France through the French Embassy. Based on the information I’ve read online, it seems like I have a chance to earn a spot as long as I turn my application in during the first deadline, am profuse about my interest in teaching in France, and hire a French tutor to help me advance quicker and to write a recommendation for the program.

Signing up for a year of group and private classes will be a major financial investment for a program that I very well may not get into, yet I want to learn French and AF is definitely much cheaper than classes at my beloved alma mater ($1,500+ per credit hour!). And, even if I don’t make it into the program, taking the classes will give me the rudimentary understanding of French that I want to have before I return to France to visit or to enroll in an immersion language course.

3) Learn German
I am really excited about the possibility of the Robert Bosch Foundation Fellowship Program. No, it isn’t France but the program would arrange for me to learn German before the program starts, and I would be able to spend several months in Germany gaining professional experience in my field. And that could be just the launching pad I need to find a job that will enable me to live and work abroad long-term.

4) Re-learn Spanish
If the programs in France and Germany don’t work out, and I’m still in D.C. (and antsy for international experience), I’ll apply to the North American Language and Culture Assistants in Spain program through the Government of Spain. The requirements are similar to the France program but you can be a little older. I’ll get a Spanish tutor to improve my Spanish and apply for the 2012-2013 school year.

5) Deplete “Gotta Go to France” Savings Fund
If none of the above options pan out and I don’t find any other alternatives, I’ll follow this woman's advice and take classes next fall to acquire a TEFL certificate, get a 3-month visa, and book a flight to Paris for January 2012. I’ll spend one week applying to English teaching jobs at private language institutes in Paris while taking French classes (so that I can get the reality check of a miserably wet and cold Paris winter). And if no one hires me, I’ll just do the same thing in two or more other cities I want to visit in France (Lyon, Nice, Marseille, Strasbourg, Lyon, etc). And if after all of that I still don’t have any success, I’ll try out wwoofing, volunteering, paying to teach english (our intern recommended The Language House TEF), enroll in more more French language and cultural classes, or some other random experience (e.g., La Giraudiere) until I deplete my “Gotta Go to France” savings fund. Then, I'll return home and either get ready for the program in Spain or just return to my old political staffer life in DC.

So, yes, I do have a plan. A-M called me a dreamer. I guess I am. But I am also an avid planner. And once I am inspired to achieve something, I will devote all my energy into it. It is quite possible that I will drop this whole scheme in favor of a new job opportunity (if the Administration came-a-knocking, I would drop this in a heartbeat). Or maybe something else happens (love, family, etc) that leads me to make the conscious decision to settle-down in my career and in DC.

Life is all about dreaming, making plans, and then, readjusting those plans based on the curveballs that life sends your way. Regardless, I’m going to do my best to implement this plan of attack so that when I am 80 and I can look back and at least say that I tried.

A Countdown

So I think I’m really going to do it.

I’m giving myself until the end of February 2011 to get everything in order.

That gives me a full two years in my current office. I do have some misgivings given the career future and financial stability I would be leaving. But then I remember that I am in the exact same place I was two years ago when I was getting ready to leave for the Peace Corps. I moved into a shared house to save money, got rid of half of my possessions to make for an easier move, started taking a Spanish classes, and went to work on the Hill because I couldn’t imagine leaving DC without having that experience. It was never meant to be for more than six months. But I fell in love with the Hill’s energy, and it treated me well. My only sadness about taking a break from that career path will be to leave (and possibly never return) without having had a Senate-side or Administration experience. But I have had a few experiences that most politicos would envy.

My February deadline also gives me a little over 6 months to save as much money as I can, learn French phrases, and do lots of research into different program options. Floyd recommends that I find a way to have an experience abroad that helps to further my career so that it isn’t a random gap in employment that I’ll have to explain when I return. I am reluctant to enroll in graduate school. But I am interested in a political position abroad. I don’t have the connections to become a political appointee in the US embassy in France. But maybe that is something I can work on during the upcoming 6 months. Or at least I hope to find contacts that could be helpful for a long-term move in the future (once I've become fluent in French).

What I’d really love to do is find a legislative exchange/fellowship program that would enable me, as a Hill staffer, to work in a legislative body in France, Spain, and/or the UK. Now that would add something to my resume--while allowing me to experience living and working abroad. So far, I haven’t had any luck finding such a program. But I’m going to keep my fingers crossed and keep talking to people.

My backup plan is to apply for a 3-month visa and enroll in a French immersion program for a bit and then a Teaching English program. Then, I’ll try for the same in Spain before a bit of random travel to England and Scotland to visit friends and maybe Italy, Greece, and wherever else the wind and my wallet takes me. All that before returning to the US to live in my mother’s basement as an unemployed, broke 31 year old (with a lot of great and/or awful stories).

I think my biggest fear is having to reestablish myself in my career and in my networking circles when I return. I don’t look forward to explaining my work hiatus (as a 29/30 year old) to a potential employer. But to bring it back to how it would have been if I had gone to Peace Corps, I would probably be in a similar sort of boat of starting over with lots of uncertainty.

For those of you in the know, this plan is not about my French soulmate--though the men I saw in France would make any straight woman want to return for a longer stay... For the past year, I’ve been talking to my mother about moving to NYC in 2011. Now I'm seeking her blessing for France. So this is just a simple upgrade. And for the record, France is my soulmate or at least she is the one I need to have an ill-fated, torrid love affair with before I settle down.

Dreaming of France

I am now back in the U.S. of A. Although it is great to be back at home and sleeping in my own bed, it has been a little rough to adjust to the time difference, pace, and lifestyle of D.C. I was truly out of it at work yesterday after my body woke me up at 4 AM—ready for breakfast and to start the day. The day was all downhill after that. Today things are much better and I should be back at 100 percent for work on Monday.

The trip to France was amazing. And I fell in love with the country. So much in fact that I am now scheming to return for a longer stay. Ideally, I would go live in Paris for six months and take a French class or perhaps enroll in some graduate classes. If I was very lucky, I’d find a job. While there, I would definitely visit my college roommate and her sister in England and Scotland and perhaps, visit some of the other cities on my list. Then, I would switch gears and spend 6 months learning Spanish in Spain---or just move out of Paris and experience a long-term stay in Provence. This would enable me to knock out four of my bucket list items—living abroad, traveling alone, and becoming fluent in French and Spanish.

I do have some misgivings about such a scheme—mainly the fact that I’d be leaving behind a very comfortable lifestyle and career path for the unknown, unemployment, and debt. Without a doubt, I can see a fulfilling future for myself here in DC and on the Hill. I could buy a house, find a husband, and start having babies—and be very happy indeed!

Yet, I think that I might regret not taking a chance on living abroad on my own terms—while I still can. I don’t have any obligations—financial, romantic, familial, or otherwise—right now and that may change in the future. It is a selfish desire, but no more selfish than my desire to live in NYC. But living in Paris trumps living in NYC on so many levels. And it is just as expensive.

My crush on Paris that began 3 years ago has grown to a love of France as a result of my latest trip. I long to know and understand France—the language, the culture, the politics, the history, the landscapes, the food, the men... For so long, I was fascinated by Spanish and Spanish-speaking countries that it seems a little odd that France has moved me so. And as my friends say, how can I have fallen in love with France when I haven’t really been anywhere else? Am I only in love with it because it is a known?

I don’t think so. First, there aren’t many places in the world where I can achieve the lifestyle that desire. In the US, it is only NYC, DC, and Chicago and abroad, it is similarly only the large cities that can give me the sort of diversity, energy, opportunity, culture, and stimulation that I need to be happy. I’m not meant for the suburbs or rural life, at least not at my age. And I lean toward Europe because it is industrialized and secure. I love France because it is beautiful and I respect the French way of life. Yes, you are correct if you sense that my goal is stay longer than a year. I want to stay until the money runs out--whether that takes one year or 10. A job always awaits me in DC and if all else fails, my mother would welcome me back home.

In truth, there is nothing really holding me back from following my dreams--but my own fears of failure and the judgement of my peers. And that's not enough. I only desire my mother's blessing and a financial plan, and I can go.

So I’m going to spend the rest of the year teaching myself basic French, saving money, and figuring out how to make this pipe dream a reality. Who knows, maybe next year you'll read a depressing blog post about how moving to France was the worst decision of my life. Or maybe, my blog posts next year will instead detail how my decision to settledown in DC lead to the house, family, and career of my dreams. Who knows?! Life is all about curveballs. You have to dream, prepare, and simply, eventually, go for it.