First Take: Acting Class

So now that I've had my first class and attended my first Actor's Center meeting, I am feeling even more like a hopeless novice.

For my acting class, we are to spend the upcoming few weeks working with a partner to develop and perfect our assigned dialogue and individually, to do the same with a self-selected monologue. I am excited by the prospects of this but more than anything overwhelmed. In reviewing and rereading my scene, I have become frustrated by the fact there seems to be an unlimited number of ways to say a word or phrase. My character could show her feelings in so many different ways and it is up to me (along with the cast and director) to hone in on my character's essence so that the lines ring true. And I find that daunting.

Part of our assignment this week is to come up with exploratory questions about our character and work on our scene based on the range of answers to those questions (without explicitly letting our partner know the answers). For example my scene is of me being dumped by a new lover. So I need to determine (based on the scene and the rest of the play), for example, how deeply my character feels toward her lover and if she might have baggage that might impact how she expresses herself. She can say "don't leave me" with varying degrees of desperation/conflict/sadness/remorse/relief in her voice and body language. Ultimately, I will have to decide what works best based on my interpretation of the play and how my partner interprets the play and delivers his lines. This makes the whole development process challenging but fun.

I am very happy that I signed up for the class. It has given me many interesting things to think about during the last week. And it is so nice to meet people who share my amateur interest in the craft.

A Pat on the Back

I started working on a chick-lit novel during the fall of 2007. I am happy to say that tonight I finished the first draft. It's almost 34,000 words--about half of which were added during the past month.

I don't know how I feel about the story at this point. It is silly, simple, and purposeless in many ways. But that is how I feel about most chick-lit. If you are lucky, you come across a book that gives you a gem of wisdom about life. But mostly, it is a marvelous, often mindless, diversion from the everyday.

Regardless of how meaningful or meaningless my story is, I am proud that I followed through and finally finished it. That is something I can celebrate, even if it languishes on my thumbdrive for eternity.

I have two more weeks to add at least another 60,000 words of descriptions, backstory, and dialogue. And I want to strengthen the hook. That is certainly a "heavy lift" but I'm thinking that it will be a fun and rewarding challenge.

"Take a chance you stupid…"

I’m going to take control in 2010 and start following my dreams. That’s my resolution. For the past year, I’ve been safe, preparing and being inspired. Now, it’s time to gamble a bit.

The less risky form that my resolution will take is to travel more. I already have a short trip to Mexico scheduled for early January, and I am committed to visiting two friends on their own turf in MA and NC. And of course, there is the trip to London and beyond that I keep talking about.

The potentially riskier dream that has only recently entered my crazy head is acting. As you know, I’ve been looking for a creative outlet and I think that acting is the right fit for me. On a side note, I’ve decided that I will finish a first draft of my novel by the end of the year, so that I can wholly commit creatively to acting.

I’ve already check out a book from the library (!) and talked to a coworker who is an experienced actor. I want to give it a serious try so I’m going to divert some of my savings to getting headshots and to taking a few acting classes (starting with the Actor's Center). I’ve always wanted to be an extra and I think that I should give actual acting a try as well. It will be a diverting hobby that, with a lot of hard work and a little luck, could lead to something even more fulfilling than I could ever imagine.

I know that it is a pipe dream to even begin to think that I could be a real actress. I don’t know if I have any real talent. And I know that thousands of people enroll in classes or move to LA and NYC every year in hopes of becoming the next big thing. What makes me any different? Perhaps, nothing. But why not throw my hat in the ring—or at least train as if I would? Now, I don’t plan on quitting my day job and moving to LA. But I think that this new path will lead to a lot of interesting experiences and stories that I’ll be able to share when I’m a content soccer mom.

I look forward to telling my mom over the holidays that I want to be an actress after months of appearing set on my current career track. The conversation should be sort of like when I said I was going to quit my secure nonprofit job to join the Peace Corps. I know that she will ultimately be supportive but it will be interesting to see how she reacts to yet another of my revelations. It’s crazy that I’ve become increasingly flighty with age. I was always the dependable, straight-laced daughter who had everything planned out. Now that I’m older and recognize that life is a bit more random, I want to take advantage of my youth and freedom to be selfish and pursue a few of my child-hood/ish dreams.

Chick-lit distracts and inspires

I've been reading a lot of chick-lit lately. It's a great distraction from the stress of work and the reality of Floyd.

One of the most memorable passages from a book I finished reading last week spoke to my current romantic reality. I'm sure that it will mean nothing to one who doesn't know the context of it but whatever. It is taken from the Dirty Girls Social Club by Alisa Valdes-Rodriquez. It is a book recommended by a friend that I truly enjoyed.

The narrator is talking about her ex-fiance, Ed, who she found in bed with another woman. My situation isn't as extreme but the sentiment is shared.

"I mean, why cry if you're ridding yourself of a drunk, ugly Texican like Ed before you've actually gotten hitched to him? For the same reason Cuban exiles talk about Cuba all the time. The Cuba they left doesn't exist anymore. You cry because you mourn the dream, not the real place or person. The loss of the person you thought he was, not the one he is. There is no Santa Claus. There is no Ed in my future, teaching our son to put the hose away."

This book has reminded me that I need to write again. As the end of Mr. Rebound two summers ago inspired my first attempt at creative writing, the demise of me and Floyd is bringing on a need to express myself through words. Apparently, writing is my choice creative outlet.

And I can tell you I need an outlet right now. I'd rather it be at the gym or writing than chasing a "Jim" (Beam or a Mr. Right Now). Which reminds me that I need to join a gym soon. I need to work on my mind, body and soul and leave romantic love for some other time.

Public Libraries Rule!

I have mixed feelings about my new neighborhood library, the Mt. Pleasant Branch of the DC Public Library System. It's not as expansive as the suburban library I've enjoyed during the past 3 years, nor could it ever compare to my alma mater's collection. The Mt. Pleasant Library's collection of books, periodicals and audiovisual materials pales to the relative abundance at my old library.

Yet, I used to complain about selection at my old library. Now, I will truly miss it—especially the high school reading list books and the foreign language DVDs. I guess I should check out the Petworth and Shaw libraries to see if their collections are better. Otherwise, I'll be making the trek every Saturday/Sunday to access MLK's more extensive collection—playing special care to avoid the homeless people and everyone else who seem to hang out there.

Masterpiece Theatre’s production of Mansfield Park

As I told Floyd yesterday, Masterpiece Theatre's productions of Austen's works are one of the few joys in my life right now. So maybe that is a gross exaggeration given all the things that I'm filling my days with, but it is true that rereading Austen and watching the latest BBC productions have given me great joy during the past few weeks. I have always loved Austen but have never considered reading all of her works in succession as I am now. I have about fifty more pages left in Northanger Abbey—which I find tiresome right now because Catherine is really so silly(!). Then, I'll set off to reread Mansfield Park.

I enjoyed Sunday's BBC Production of Mansfield Park. Mansfield Park has to be one of my favorite Austen books (after Pride & Prejudice and Persuasion). I like its treatment of social climbing and (minor) descent and the sweet love story between Fanny and Edmund. My only complaint was that the first portion of the film seemed to be lacking something—though I still can't quite figure out what. I would assume that this sentiment just relates to the absence of the full character and story development that are found in the book. I'm sure that the other problem is that beyond comparing the production to the book, I also tend to compare the current production to the previous BBC version I've seen.

Nevertheless, the setting, costumes, and characterizations were solid, though David Weigand of the San Francisco Chronicle was less than happy with the portrayal of Fanny. Indeed, I was troubled by her appearance. I would have imagined a plainer and less wild (as in her hair) Fanny in comparison to her fair cousins. Though she did look familiar, I wouldn't have guessed that Billie Piper, who played Fanny, is a former pop star.

I'm sorry for being so redundant in my posts regarding the new Austen productions. I promise that I will have something new to say about Sunday's show—Jane Austen Regrets—which is a new story based on the author's life.

Postscript (1/31/08): After watching the second showing on Thursday, I think I figured out what was unsettling about the production. The music, camera angles and general direction make some scenes seem really soap-opera-ish. That makes it entertaining but more overly dramatic that I'd have liked.

Masterpiece Theatre's production of Northanger Abbey

Wow, I had another great weekend. Although I didn't get an opportunity to celebrate MLK weekend as I had intended, I made significant progress with my Peace Corps application, read a lot, went to Marvin (!), and spent quality time with friends. But of course, I want to dedicate this entry to the Masterpiece Theatre production of Jane Austen's Northanger Abbey, which aired on Sunday night.

Northanger Abbey is the one story that I remember least among all of Austen's works, but I hope to revisit it this week before the re-airing of the production Thursday evening. Nevertheless, I really enjoyed Northanger Abbey. I think the actors did a great job of conveying the sense of the book. The actress who played Catherine particularly did a great job of portraying the young heroine. I really liked the interspersed fantasy sequences because they helped convey the wondrous imagination of Catherine, given all the gothic romance novels she's read. Seeing the sort of enjoyment that Catherine gets out of gothic romance novels makes me want to read Ann Radcliffe's, The Mysteries of Udolpho. Indeed, my interpretation and level of enjoyment will probably be different from Catherine's, but it should be interesting. As with Persuasion, the costumes and the settings were solid. Unlike Austen's subsequent books, Northanger Abbey isn't a complex or layered story, though many themes (e.g., status, propriety, money, etc) that are treated in later works do surface. Check out this review for more specific commentary.

Austen wrote Northanger Abbey over the course of one year when she was 23, though the book wasn't published until after her death. Her gift is truly amazing and I can only hope to aspire to her magnificence in clever, moving storytelling.

In response to the underlying question in the novel, I think that one can read too many novels and that reading many novels can result in an extension of the suspension of reality created by the novel into the reader's everyday life. In this way, the reader, like Catherine, begans to interpret and imagine reality in literary terms with dubious results. Life is not like a book. In fact, it's better. Books provide a lifetime of enjoyment to readers but by no means can the wonders of literature replace wonders of everyday exchange and the struggles of living. Nor should it. So, keep reading but also live.

Next up: Mansfield Park. It will be aired this Sunday at 9 on MPT and WETA. I've already checked the book out of the library in order to reread it before Sunday.

Masterpiece Theatre's production of Persuasion

I had a great weekend. I attended a wonderful birthday celebration on Friday, volunteered at the NBC4 Health and Fitness Expo on Saturday, and invested in some super-cool running shoes on Sunday.

But the highlight of my weekend, which has been building up since my last post, was watching the new Masterpiece Theatre production of Jane Austen's Persuasion. It was a very enjoyable. The character portrayals were stellar and the script, costumes and settings were solid. It effectively captured the spirit of Jane Austen's final, completed work. Most of all, I think this production, compared to a previous BBC production I've seen, more closely depicted Anne Elliot's anxiety and distress after refusing a lover and her seeming resignation to her station as an old, spinster at 27 (!). It was a time when class, connections, and money were valued above all else--and those values were very evident in her family's pursuits and sentiments.

I did feel that the ending was a bit rushed. It even felt artificial. I think the root of the problem is that I anticipated a part 1 and 2 Persuasion saga as is common for most Masterpiece productions. So, when the time neared 1030, I was stunned that the story was rushing to conclusion. Plus, I found distressing that some of the outstanding issues (e.g., the reaction of Anne's family to Wentworth's proposal, the exposure of Mr. Elliot's true intentions, and Mrs. Clay's relationship with Sir Walter Elliot) weren't completely resolved during the 1.5 hour show. See Robert Bianco's USA Today article for other significant flaws in the production that most Jane Austen purest would abhor.

Anyway, I checked Persuasion out of the library on Sunday, so that I can revisit the story this week. I hope that rereading the novel will remind me of my own interpretation of the story to contrast that of the BBC's production.

Next up is Jane Austen's Northanger Abbey, another story that I enjoy but that also makes me very anxious. I am so happy that I don't live during that time period as a woman's station was so limited by marriage and money. But, perhaps if I hadn't grown up in a post-feminist world, I wouldn't have known of my "plight." Then again, as a "light-skinned" African American woman, I probably would have been limited further. In fact, my career goal probably would have been to become a servant in the Big House, in addition to running an efficient household with ten kids of my own. Gosh, how much things have changed in just a few generations. Thank God, things have changed—though not entirely.

Creative Writing Update

Yay, I finally submitted another creative writing piece to my writer's group.  I'm very nervous about Monday's critique and I fear that the group will tell me that I haven't made any improvement since my last submission. 

It's unfortunate that my routine of writing each night lapsed after my first critique in October.  I guess I was disheartened by the criticism and particularly, by comparing my first work with that of my counterparts in the group and in the published world of chick-lit.

I hope that Monday's meeting--regardless of whether I get a positive or negative critique--will be the spark I need to rediscover my passion for my story and this form of creative expression.  I hope that it will encourage me to start writing again--not with the intention of impressing anyone or getting published, but with the intention of expressing and finding myself. 

I still hope to finish my novel by next fall and of course, I'm totally off track.  I wanted to finish the skeleton/novella by now.  Instead, I have written no more than 21 pages of the first third of the story.  I have a long way to go, but I am willing to sacrifice a few weekends to this undertaking.  I shan't give up. 

A few more big ideas

Things are going well, and aside from my love life, I don't have any complaints. But yesterday, I felt unbelievably anxious and unchallenged. I know that my anxiety stems from finalizing my Peace Corps application and furthering my novella. But, I don't know why I feel unchallenged, given all the new things I'm doing these days. Maybe, it's just another flare-up of twenty-something-itis. So, I'll just apply a band-aid and give myself another near-term challenge involving fitness, income generation and/or creative expression to distract me:

Fitness: I've toyed with the idea of running a marathon or half-marathon for a few years now. Perhaps, 2008 is the year. Indeed, I was inspired by Bend It Like Beckham (which I watched, along with Casi Casi this weekend) to boost my fitness level. I think I finally will add more strength and endurance training to my mild fitness routine. I might even enroll in an adult ballet class to supplement the flexibility, balance, awareness, and strength training thrice-weekly yoga provides.

Income: I've already mentioned that I want to find a part time job. I've been talked out of the bartending and catering scheme, so I think I'll reapply to work at some of the stores in my 'hood. Someone has to be hiring for weekends and evening shifts. And, I'm ready to give a dozen hours per weekend to earn a cash for an amazing summer vacation, though I already sense that I'll regret the extra hours.

Creativity: I'm slowly moving forward with my creative writing venture. I really like the writer's group I joined and have learned a lot about writing from it. But there has to be some other route of creative expression for me. I've decided against music, so perhaps, theatre is it. Or, I could finally start that board game group I've been talking about forever. I'll keep you posted.

I'm a DC Blogger too!

I signed up for a DC bloggers meet-up group that has monthly meetings and a discussion board. I joined because I want to become more active in the DC blogger community and because I would love to meet other bloggers and get advice on how to effectively grow my blog.

My concern is that once I meet other bloggers and share my blog's url, I'll lose my anonymity. Right now, only about seven people know about my blog and I'm certain that I want to keep the number under 10. I feel that I already censor my entries enough now (I learned my lesson after Floyd read my entries on Mr. Rebound.). I truly value my anonymity--the freedom to write about stuff without having to worry about it being attributed to me, and I don't want my blog to harm relationships with my current/future employer, friends, relatives, etc.

Anyway, I plan on attending the next DC bloggers happy hour because I want to become a face (and not just a url) in the DC blogging community.

No Hablo Espanol

I want to be fluent in Spanish. In fact, it is at the top of my list of "Things To Do Before I Die."

I've tried to learn Spanish. I've taken classes and listened to language tapes. I even nagged my ex to teach me but all I got from him was a basic knowledge of Spanish slang and curse words.

I've eagerly watched Univision and Telemundo. When I was a child, I used to watch a novella featuring Thalia because I thought she was so beautiful and loved the over-the-top acting that I could easily follow without understanding the rapid dialogue. Today, I close-caption Decisiones or Destilando Amor to help expose myself to the language.

But, at 26, I am still a monoglot. It's so sad.

Maybe, I just need to try harder and stop feeling embarrassed when I butcher a language that I'm learning. No one really cares if I'm horrible at speaking a second language. The key is that I'm trying my best to broaden my horizons and connect on a basic level with the culture of my distant Spanish roots.

Girl, you’ll be a writer soon

I attended my first writer's support group meeting last night. The group is comprised of about 6 people, 2 males and 4 females between the ages of 26 and 50+. We spent the majority of the meeting getting to know each other and sharing our writing experiences and ambitions.

I left the meeting really fired up about writing (and I finally purchased a thumb drive so that I can more easily store and transfer my work). Lately, I've shunned the once-nightly task of writing in order to hangout with friends, go to fitness classes, or veg-out in front of the couch. But that will all change now because I'm scheduled to present a piece of my work in about a month. I don't feel as if my writing is ready to be revealed to the world, but I feel oddly comfortable with the group. Everyone seems really nice and open about what they're trying to accomplish, and I feel as if we will all experience writer's highs and lows together (particularly folks like me who are attempting creative writing for the first time).

So, here's to a night of getting a few more paragraphs and pages done. And here's to taking steps towards accomplishing my dreams.

All is well.

I’m currently listening to Billie Holiday. It's my attempt to explore and appreciate the great vocalists of the past. It’s partly research for my novel, as the main character discovers jazz and it helps her express and manage all the conflicting emotions she’s feeling.

When I listen to the music, I think about my grandparents. I think about the oppression of African Americans and other minority groups. I think about the Hollywood greats (Joanne Crawford, Bette Davis, etc), the Wars and women’s fashion. But mostly, I think about the complexity of feeling and purity of the vocals.

In a few hours, I’m meeting the awkward guy I met at speed dating for Gifford's ice cream. I’m quite interested in how it will go. No, it’s not a date. It is just a casual meeting to chat for longer than the four minutes we were given at the speeding dating event. I sort of see myself in him--in his awkwardness and his shyness. If nothing else, I want to have a enjoyable afternoon of getting to know someone new. But mostly, I want to encourage him to come out of his shell.

Hippo Q., an author?

I want to write a novel. 

I don't really have any experience writing anything outside of academic papers, but I think that it would be really interesting to attempt creative writing.  Most likely, if I do write a book, it will be a romance novel that draws from my friend's and my own dating experiences.  It would also draw from my own silly girl fantasies about love.  I've read enough simple chick-lit that I'm convinced that I can create my own version that is just as amusing and, hopefully, more meaningful.

Right now, this is just an idea but if all goes well (and I actually think up a good storyline), writing may just become my new hobby and creative outlet for 2007.