I am sitting up a little angry and a little disappointed in myself, and decided to post just to get this off my chest.
I need to work on not being shy and aloof around guys—especially the ones I like. I am so afraid of rejection and I lack the self-confidence when it comes to men to truly assert myself.
I’ve had countless talks with friends—especially Organica—about my need to get over it and just put myself out there. Sure, I’m shy but that doesn’t give me a pass to be an aloof wallflower for the rest of my life.
Tonight, I met a great guy. We talked and danced for quite some time. I later learned that he asked my friend about me, noting that he liked me but wasn’t getting a vibe of reciprocity from me.
I guess his interest was obvious but for some reason, I felt the need to reject him or push him away before he could do that to me. It wasn't intentional but it was the vibe I gave off and eventually, we parted.
It’s a warped expression of my sense of self-worth, distrustfulness, and attractiveness when it comes to guys. But I don’t know where it comes from. I like myself. And I’m a strong, confident woman most of the time. But whenever, I am around guys, especially funny, charming guys who like me, I falter and the self-conscious, unsure little girl in me comes out.
It’s something that I need to work on so that the next guy who comes along who appears to be the real deal and wants to get to know me, can get a fair chance.
In the meantime, I’ve posted a missed connection--one of my favorite pastimes from the college years. I know it won’t amount to anything. But putting it out on the web and into the cosmos, I hope will send something positive my way.
Regardless, I've learned my lesson. I can't let good guys get away or I'll end up alone (with a family of stray cats).