Missed Connections

I apologize for dragging this topic out but I am still aggravated about Friday night. As you know, I posted a missed connection ad on Craigslist. I am aware that the rate of success from such posts is rather slim but I figured that it wouldn’t hurt to at least put it out there and let the universe decide. I like to think that I’ve racked up a fair amount of good karma over the years, so hopefully, the universe will reward me with the one thing I want the most right now: a second chance.

After I posted my ad, I started reading the other ads out there. There are so many. Most describe interactions that were brief and only on the surface. Others are a bit more bittersweet—about connecting with someone but subsequently, losing a phone number (and apparently not being able to find them on facebook).

I’d like to think that I fall in the bittersweet box. The more I think about it, the more I believe that I was provided the real deal, a high-quality, single male. Someone who was clearly interested in me. Someone who I was drawn to and felt safe with. But I don’t remember his full name, and I’m quite sure that I’ll never see him again. Yes, I am hopeful but I am also a realist.

I wonder how many people miss out on great loves because of circumstances that get in the way. I do believe in Fate and the idea that our life experiences are meant to teach us lessons. I also hope that the unresolved feelings I have about the guy I met will result in karmic déjà vu—and hopefully I’ll meet him again in this lifetime and not the next.

It is possible that the guy was just a mirage. A means to remind me of my deepest desires and goals. That I want to find my soul mate, the holy grail of dating: the “mind-blowing lover/life partner/best friend forever/father of my children/husband til death do us part”. Since Floyd and I split, I’ve sort of shut down and built extra walls around my heart. I immediately think the worse of any guy who tries to talk to me. Or worse, I immediately evaluate the guy in terms of the holy grail I am seeking. And that isn’t fair to the guy or myself.

So today, I am kicking myself still. In a week or two, I hope that I would have finished internalizing my faults and truly committed myself to being the confident, sassy chica around all the guys that I meet, even the ones I like.


Heather said...


Sorry about the missed connection. I know you know this, but there are lots of good guys out there. When I was worried I'd end up alone, my dad said, "you could probably make a reasonably happy life with say, 30% of the men out there. [Me: "30%! No way!" But he kept talking...] Even if you're really choosy, there are lots of Mr. Rights, all different, who you're bound to come in contact with, any one of whom you could have a happy marriage with." I found that encouraging and hope you will too.

On a practical note: It seems to me that some of what holds people back from establishing a connection is just the physical steps - the decision to go get something to write with, the decision to find paper, the stealing of a few minutes to write down your number, the presenting of the number to the Man. It seems too complicated, too many steps... easier to just hang back and wait... and then, aah, he's gone. What if you had some pre-made cards with your name on them, like business cards, but personal, that you could carry with you all the time? (Not in a bag, but actually in your pocket or purse so you don't have to go get them.) Then if you meet someone nice, you can just hand out a card without really thinking about it and say "Let's keep in touch." Not momentous at all. Just easy. Just a thought.

Heather said...

Oh and P.S. You shouldn't have to be a rock star to get him to like you. I think you're allowed to have your shy moments - that's part of who you are too. Lots of guys even prefer a shy, thoughtful girl who seems to have a lot going on inside.

At any rate, you should go back to the same venue where you were Friday night. Sounds like it was good fishin.

Hippo Q. said...

1) I like the idea of a personal card. Back in the day, folks always gave out their cards when they went "a-calling". But these days, it may be seen as a little hokey or odd for a woman or man to have a personal card if they weren't trying to promote something. I will look into this!

2) Yes, I think I'll have to return to Public Bar on a Friday night very soon! I feel like there were a lot of friendly people there and the rooftop is awesome. My friend and I went there with the goal of chatting up two interesting guys--which we achieved! Baby steps, right?

3) Thanks, Heather. It is encouraging to get perspective from someone who was in my place only a handful of years ago.

Organica said...

Great insights, Heather. It's definitely true that not all guys need or want a "rock star." At first, the most attractive quality is just a smile and an open-to-possibilities facial expression. Lots of guys are interested in shy girls, as long as those girls give them a little bit of an olive branch. Just a small one. ;)

The card thing is a good idea. When I was dreaming about being single, I was planning to have lots of business cards handy to hand out to cute guys on the Metro. I agree that it's a good idea to keep cards in your pocket when you're out fishing. ;)

My current boy was almost a missed connection. We talked for about 10 minutes at an alumni event for ACC schools, and then we said goodbye when the event was over, but we never exchanged numbers. Luckily, we were wearing name tags, and very luckily, he had written his last name on his tag (even though most people hadn't). I remembered that his name was Adam Rut-something, so I typed "Adam Rut" into facebook, and he popped up. I sent him a facebook message, and the rest is history.

It's weird to think of all the things that could have prevented us from meeting. It was a crowded event, so if I had walked to another part of the room, I might never have bumped into him. He told me he was tired that night and was thinking of skipping the event, but his friend convinced him to go. If any of my previous failed mini-romances had gone on a little longer, I might not have been open to the possibility of meeting someone new that night.

If you believe in fate, perhaps you can think of things this way - you were meant to miss your connection with this guy. Maybe the next person you meet is going to be the right guy, and this particular failure was necessary so that you are free and ready when the right guy comes along. I've definitely missed some dating opportunities before and felt sad about it, but if I had actually started dating some of those missed connections, I might never have met Adam. And I am so happy with Adam. :) So it was all meant to be.