Yesterday, I called Floyd. I guess I was feeling guilty about my musings to half-heartedly pursue CuBu, my campaign trail crush.

He assured me that we are officially, undeniably just friends now. Not the “just friends” we’ve been during the past two years---not a couple but going on 2-week long road trips and romantic Miami getaways. But “just friends” who are past lovers seeking to establish themselves as separate, single beings.

I’m so happy that he also wants to stay close friends. We both know that will take time, but I don’t know of anyone who knows me as completely and can make me laugh as easily as Floyd.

It is the end of an era. I’ve known Floyd for almost 9 years and beyond the Mr. Rebound foray, I have been emotionally, spiritually, and psychologically attached to him since I was 19. Now, I enter my 28th year as a single girl and I am scared.

I am scared of guys, of rejection, of heartbreak, of broken promises, and of becoming a bitter old lady who regrets this choice. So, I will take it very slow. If all else fails, I’ll just focus on climbing the career ladder and leave love to another day. I just hope that I don’t wait too long.


Organica said...

Hippo, posts like this break my heart. I personally think you should take a couple of years off from talking to Floyd. It can be very difficult to move on when you're still craving friendship and attention from an ex. You CAN'T let him steal any more of your time, if you want to find someone else. You are a beautiful, interesting person who will have no trouble finding love if you open yourself up to it. Go for your crush!!! Go on 5 dates with 5 guys, knowing that none of them will work out. Then sit back. be yourself, work hard at your job, and spend time with your friends...and love will find you when you least expect it. You just have to be ready for it when it comes along. What is so scary about guys? I promise you, the right guy for you won't be scary at all. So don't even bother with the scary ones. And, yes, heartbreak is scary, but at the same time it is beautiful and a necessary part of making us who we are. Use it as inspiration for your writing (the best writers are tortured souls!) ;) Be brave, Hippo! And remember that no matter what, your friends and family love you just as much as a guy ever will. Give your love freely to the special people in your life and you won't feel like something is missing. Floyd is not the right man for you, but the right man is waiting. Keep your eye out for him. He will come to know you so completely and make you laugh so hard that and Floyd will no longer seem so important. Floyd will always be a part of your past - that will never change. But you have a looooong future ahead of you and you have plenty of time to find the right guy who will fit into your life in a way that makes both of you better people.

Just some rambling late-night relationship thoughts from a friend who loves you, & who can't wait to see you this summer!

Hippo Q. said...


Thanks for your thoughtful post, Organic. I look forward to having long chats about this sort of stuff over the summer. It's good to know that you are always cheering for me--as I'm always your cheerleader too.