Just Breathe!

I'm feeling rather antsy right now. I would love to write about Chatty Chica's party and the cute fixer-upper I scored at Marshall's. Or even, brag about going to the Cake concert tonight. But, there are at least two things hanging over my head right now that are keeping me anxious: my Peace Corps application and my writing.

Peace Corps
Last Friday, I finally summoned the courage to ask my supervisor for a recommendation—thereby, notifying him that I'll be putting in my 2 weeks notice in five to nine months (the normal Peace Corps application process time). Being a histrionic weirdo, I prefaced the request with a story about my desire for a challenge and to take the next step ("I've enjoyed my time working here and I've given it a lot of thought. I feel that now is the time to…"). For a minute or so, I even had myself believing that I was about to put in my two weeks notice.

The fact that I have put in my notice and continue to broadcast my Peace Corps dreams to all whom will listen makes me anxious to finally finish the damn application—which I started last December (and several other Decembers before) and just never finished because I didn't want to deal with writing the essays. But I've given myself one month to finish the essays. I figure that I can get an okay draft by Christmas and then, spend time in Atlanta finalizing it. The next step is to secure the other two recommendations and submit the application. Thereafter, I can focus on the interview, medical/dental records, and final nomination.

Ideally, I'd leave right after next year's election. I want to spend at least two more months at my current employer before moving to a position on the Hill (Keep your fingers crossed!). Most likely, I'll officially move home next fall to spend my last few months with my family before packing up for 2.25 years.

It's so bad that I haven't written anything new in weeks. I've been either avoiding my story all together or editing what I've already written (which isn't much—just about 20 pages that encompass the first third of the story).

I'm unsure how I want the story to proceed. I know the ending but I don't really know how to best go about the protagonist's actualization. My turn for critique at my writing group is coming up in about a month, so I need to have something by then. Mostly, I need to have text that shows an improvement since my last critique—and I'm not there yet. So again, I'm hoping that I can devote a few nights to getting some new thoughts on paper before working on a selection to submit.

I had hoped to be finished with the basics of the story by now, but instead I feel that I'm even further away from finishing. I guess I didn't realize how hard writing can be, and though I know the key is just to write, I have trouble finding the time or will power to spend an hour or two at the task. But when I do, as I did the Friday after Thanksgiving, it's quite exhilarating. Hopefully, my time at home will afford a few late nights of writing. I'll make some hot cocoa and cake and spend the night doing something I enjoy.

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